The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Checking in:
RM
25
TTC no.1 since June 2014

Great Fred title chat nice one.
GX for a lucky Fred for all.

How many days after icing does an obsessive shagger let their long suffering hubby have a day off?

You crazy lot Love the new Fred title.

Another spaniel owner here!!

tink smep says day before if and after icing then again 3 days later if that helps

Iced Monday or yesterday so will jump him tonight for luck then let him have tomorrow off. Am getting to the part of my cycle where I need to be inventive to help him finish!! Tongue down earhole is difficult whilst simultaneously shouting good boy!! thanks lil Still got the pant shot though, wet as an otters pocket. So will make him take one more for the team!

Name: mountain, used to be patiently but turns out I am only patient for a year at a time

TTC: since march 13

Dc: my nutty Bengal seems to be the only baby I'm going to get

Calli
Age 33
TTC since June 2014, currently hosting something which in an hour and a half will be approx the size of a blueberry (DC1).

Helloooo crazy ladies! Congrats Chat on the BFP and Jelli on the return of AF! Hopefully it's the last time you see her for a while!

Not been around here much because I've constantly got the boak and the computer seems to make it worse... Hope you are all well though, gx for a BFPtastic Fred! (Great title Chat)!

Hi calli

kate sorry, totally missed your post in the end of Fred madness! I'm sorry you feel down how's about a few kitten videos on YouTube to cheer you up?? I know how to have fun! Ttc is so fecking hard without the pressures of being apart but you'll make it work. Pma xx
mountain you will get that bfp, we all will goddam it, keep the faith

I'm glad i've got you girls. You lot understand that its fine to talk about ttc without getting stressed, just excited! Some of my friends still think this must be full of obsessive people rocking in corners muttering.

Luetal phase! Mutter mutter mutter egg mutter mutter period mutter mutter ovulation mutter mutter mutter. rocks

Good grief we're getting through these threads
Name Purplecircle
Age 40
TTC since Jan 14
DCs none, mc July 14

Thanks for the vote of confidence tink sorry to bring the Fred down already! Just had a stupid argument with my father about ttc. For a start its wrong to even talk to him about my tubes, secondly I'm hoping a and a half of it plus 6 years of med school would mean I know more than dr Google? ? Apparently not..grrrrr

:( hugs mountain some people are insensitive about it. I only discuss it with DF and you guys.

Morning viroids

Sorry for lack of communication, I was away for work with limited access and also having a bit of a wallow. Back now and haven't read back through yet so forgive me for not knowing your news yet, I will read and reply in full tonight.

Have a lovely day x

Morning viroids.
Lurking in to say get on those horses and it's not over till the witch parks up, dons her red lipsy and moves in for a few days.. And even then it's sometimes not over!

Minion
Age:32
Sprogs: 32+1, with a lodger the size of a pumpkin apparently... A small one though, thankfully.

lil, bring on the stabby stabbiness. Xxxx

Morning viroids! Thanks :) Fred title is all your work though, I just arranged the letters

Hey Mountain, have you not been in ED long enough to realise that Google knows more than ALL docs? No? Just ours then... And incidentally, a year is more than patient!

Wallow away La, it's just necessary sometimes.

Waves to lurkers - love hearing how your saplings are doing!

Another lurker waving my pompoms for the shaggers.

Pisghetti, 34, teenage DS and a sweet potato.

Afternoon ladies! I'm having a lazy day watching a marathon of "Hotel of Mum and Dad" on the iplayer . I do intend on cleaning a bit later on, i swear.

honey it's the thought that counts!!! well it is in my house anyway lol!!

my house looks like a bomb has exploded as DF was home alone for a few days and didn't tidy up! Need a day off to clean up I think!

I'm now sick of the witch bitch. I can't believe I begged for her return.

Jelly just try to remember what she represents, rather than what she is. She'll fuck off soon enough.

Well... I fell asleep on the sofa. No tidying. Now eating a small amount of fizzy sweets as I feel all shaky.

Haha...Jelly I did wonder how long it would take you to tell her to feck right off again - hopefully not too long and you'l be right on it!

Thanks tink ! Feel better after a good nights sleep, and home tomorrow. Whoop!

Hope you're feeling bette too leela x

I'm booking a non-refundable spa weekend. Can you do sauna and jacuzzies when you're only 3 weeks upduffed?
If not I'll hopefully invoke los (although every cycle I try to in some way and it always fails)!

Rm I am going to a spa a week after icing (fingers crossed!) Officially you can't but the danger is over heating. Your 3 week old foetus isn't going to mind too much, and as long ass you keep your body temperature under control, you should be fine. No sitting in the jacuzzi for hours on end. Just dip in and out.

Some spas will ask you to tell them if you may be pregnant but they might then not let you do anything rather than just being sensible about it! Were you planning on having lots of treatments? Some aren't suitable because of chemicals so its worth doing some private research there. But I wouldn't tell spa. They will either not let you do anything, or they will charge huge premiums for "pregnancy safe" treatments.

was talking to DH last night about comfort wanks (made him LOL) and because i knew he'd had a "i'm-alone-in-the-house-for-more-than-2-hours-wank) and he said that if i wanted them to stop i needed to make sure i was home by 4 every day (he does 7-3's) I looked at him mystified and said that's fine but not on icing week. He then said that he was disappointed that we weren't doing it 2-3 a day icing week!! was really annoyed that he hasn't listened to a word i've said about EOD rules etc. we don't really do it anymore than that anyway so it's not like he's going to go without those days!!! ggggrrrrrrr irritating men! sorry - needed to vent - why don't they listen!?!