The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Whispered congratulations dulcet mega GX for a sticky bean. Having had mc in July & Aug myself I think it kick started something too. At the mo (don't want to curse it) it's third time lucky here (mega FX it stays this way) so I reeeaaaaally hope it's third time lucky for you too

Hooyah la think witches and ghoulies instead today. Not symptoms! (We've all got our gingers crossed for you though).

honey not out. Keep strong. You never know.

lil I'm with you on the weight loss, I only seem to be able to pile it on though

mountain treats are good things, you've still got to live.

chat get through it however you see fit. The main thing I guess is to minimise stress so whichever way makes you feel calmer. It's no crime to poas, just don't get too caught up in it. 9 might be a good number, at least one a week.

Well I spoke to soon. The cramps struck at 2am and I've barely slept. Not as bad as other times but bad enough. At least it's Friday x

honey 12dpo could still be too early. Do you think you iced on CD16 then? Still a chance if no witch!

Congrats dulcet :)

Congrats Dulcet!

La re SS - you are soooo worth it (hope it's something fab ) gx for next week!

Chat is your gynae appointment next week?

Jelly you need to drink loads on a fast day - a lot of your fluid intake is actually from food so cutting down on the food means less fluid = headaches.

True Indigo! Ovia reckons CD16, yeah. I usually feel a bit crampy before AF but nothing yet.

I guess I'm just upset as seeing the mil today and hoped i could give her some good news (far too early i know!)

Oh Tink, that sucks. Hopefully she'll piss off and leave you alone soon enough.

Appt isn't until 14th, which I shouldn't complain about - it's an all in one, so better than I would have on the NHS but it seems such a long time off! It'll be sooner after the weekend though. As long as I'm symptom-tastic I think I'll keep the pee sticks in reserve. The secretary was v funny - "obviously there's no appts available on Monday because it's the week no-one is working" 11/11 is a national holiday here, so lots of people are bridging and taking the Monday off as well.

La Mini hooya for you, just in case it's the worms.

Thanks Pis, I think that was my problem. I did drink more than I usually do but apparently not enough. I'll do more on my next fast day, see if that helps! It's amazing though, I have no bloating what so ever whereas I normally do have a bloated belly, so it's done me some good already!

I'm CD18 and 3DPO according to Fertility Friend. I have no idea whatsoever if I iced this month! I'll just wait and see if the witch shows up in a week and half. Although because I have only had one AF since the injection, and they are notorious for being all over the place after it, I don't even think that's going to be an indicator for me!

Honey keeping fingers and gingers crossed for you :)

wow ! A girl goes out for an evening and you lot go crazy!!!

a very quiet, hushed but massive congratulations dulcet mega gx for you!!

sorry to here that tink boooooooooo

chat pee away again and again if it helps keep your sanity!! how lovely (and yet annoying for you) that they have the 11th as a national holiday!

jelly plleeeaaaassseeee make sure you keep your fluids up, especially if you are Twotting!!

GX for you honey you're not out yet!!

no news from me, other than i think all this shagging is having an effect of DH. he rolled over in his sleep last night and hugged me - nice you might think, except in over 12 years we've never slept like that because i get too hot. and it wasn't just a hug, it was a head in shoulder, leg over me kind of Gorilla (less hairy though) on my back kind of hug! i had to elbow him in the end i couldn't breathe maybe that was his plan

Aww I love night/morning bear hugs. DP and I have a system where one hugs the other then we roll and and do it the other way round, it's quite funny actually. This morning I broke the pattern by hugging him first (he normally hugs me first) and he actually woke up and complained that I had "done it wrong" :P

aawww jelly that's so cute!! lol!!
He always bear hugs me before we go to sleep but then we roll over to our own sides. he "says" he hugs me in a morning, but his alarm goes off 2 hours before mine and Nothing wakes me when i do manage to sleep so i couldn't tell you if he does or not haha!!

just realised we're nearly at 900 posts already, it was only Wed night that tink said we'd be lucky to get another week and a half!! this fred has definately gone supersonic fast!!!

oh forgot to say as well, i couldn't sleep last night so was scouring for a film to watch to drown out DH's snoring and i put Cuban Fury on, never heard of it but nearly woke DH up choking with shock/laughter that Mr Ian Mcshane was in it!!!!! Maybe it's a sign that last nights deed was the one?!! hehehe

Hahaha Kh, that's the one with Nick Frost yeah? Worth a watch?

I watched "A Little Princess" yesterday ( based on the F H Burnett book) and sobbed like a baby. There's a bit at the end where her dad doesn't recognise her, and her screams oh "Daddy! Daddy please!" were just too much for me atm. [sob]

Sadly the witch has got me. Going to go on Amazon and get some opk pissy sticks. Project August Baby is a go! Might just curl up and have a little cry though.

honey sorry lovely we'll get there soon.

Indeed we will Tink.

yeah honey i love Nick Frost so enjoyed the film. I would say its worth a watch but im glad i didn't see it at the cinema if you get me?!

Sorry to here about witch face and totally don't blame you for your cry, have a cry then shake it off and rev up for project August Baby!
xx

:( Honey big hugs to you x indulge in and

This is the scene that got me.

DH wanted to go out for dinner tonight anyway, so couple of glasses of I think!

Booo honey, she is a witch but August babies are awesome. Leo's are even better!

Thanks for the continued congrats ladies. My next positive step, after telling you all of course, was to ring docs. I now have appointment for Monday so I can hopefully go through both possibilities. Not sure what to say to clinic though, never quite understand who 'owns' me now for fertility stuff.

Any Halloween plans out there? I am going to a gathering. Need to dress up, and avoid alcohol...

Ph honey I am sorry the witch is a bitch..definitely her?

Only a teeny mini hooyah la as you have already been stronger than me this twot I might have just poas

kh dh and I watched that the other day! Loved it! We have dance lessons but tango is as far as we stray into Latin aas we both prefer ballroom, but that film made me want to try it a bit more I didn't realise that's who mcshane was

mountain aren't you only 7dpo?!?

Ahem. Um. Maybe Working in a hospital provides far too much temptation!

Very gentle hooya! Also at 7dpo and checking knickers frantically for IB despite knowing only occurs 20-30%

Feel your pain. Finding this TWOT agonising