The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Posh shags FTW Dulce

Oh dulcet I just did a little happy cry for you. Im truly delighted for you that's wonderful news. GX for a sticky bean. Awwwww I feel all fuzzy now. Can we group hug?.

mountain stress not good for ttc so think that was good idea

Haha. Nothing posh about those shags - in a caravan surrounded by Scottish children on their half term!

I'll start the group hug if you like, sharing the love !

Sounds like you made a good choice mountain!

Huuuuuuuuug!

We were in the same neck of the woods the same week dulcet sooooo many Scottish people I couldn't understand why til our caravan fella mentioned it was half term in Scotland.

aww dulcet I really hope this is it for you lady. you deserve it. and yes *dulcet slightly predates me on the jser history! be good to finally get rid of her don't you think

Yeeeehaaaa! Congratulations dulcet! So pleased for you. Join me in early preggo paranoia and sticky bean prayers? Xxx

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!

In the nicest way possible dulcet I really hope this is you buggering off to the grads thread :)

I can't see I would be disappearing any time soon lil, you'll have to put up!

Thanks bother, will absolutely join you in crossing of fingers and legs and positive thinking!

They were everywhere weren't they gaggia! I defo heard more Scottish accents than northern!

It was the Scottish vibe around you for sure dulcet all that irn-bru filled air and lots of gingers (gingers crossed - see what I did there?!?

Get in dulcet!!! Fanfuckingtastic as they say! Bloody well done, massive good vibes for this one

OMG Dulcet, congratulations! I'm sooo chuffed for you

Wow dulcet!!! Really huge congratulations! huuuuuug

Surely with those stats, dulcet is a shoe-in for thread 31?!

So, in the latest installment of "Honey Hates Herself"...

BFN this morning. This is cd28 so in a normal world (pre mc) i would be on my period. In Ovia world i have two more days to go. The tests are 10ug ml so i would imagine a bfn now means I'm out. Will keep torturing testing myself until she arrives, but really miserable now!

Oh, cd28 is 12dpo. So might be getting knickers in a twist for nothing.

honey hold your pissy sticks horses. Cycles can be v different after mc. If witch has not zoomed in then you're still in the game!

Agree with la, you are playing a new game now honey, whatever you knew about your cycle is out the window! Keep patient (as if!) and sounds like you have ICs so keep POAS if it helps you.

Dulcet that's fabulous news! Congratulations!

Ah! I leave myself without wifi for one day and you go and get not one, but a series of BPFs, Dulcet! Utterly delighted for you! Wonderful news. Everything crossed this one does it's thing for nine whole months.

La. Worms? No words, have you been sneaking into nursery schools? Wine? Fine. I have given our little survivor a taste or two - only of the nice stuff, mind. Sure it'll be fine if it's there.

Honey, got my BFP a week late. Definitely not out. WTF cycle is actually cycles.

Mountain I hope the wine was excellent, well deserved too I don't doubt :)

In Chat news, I have nine piss sticks in my bathroom yes I've used one do you think this is enough to get me to scan day?? No public throwing up episodes yet, I'm pleased to say. I have form for this

dulcet congratulations! One of my friends is 25 weeks pregnant after 3 early miscarriages in a year and she still can't relax about it so I know how tough it must be but really hope this is your time! Sending lots of positive happy healthy vibes!

Morning viroids. Hooyah me please!

Imagining stabby boob, twangy womb, nausea.

I.e. Slept funny on boob, wind, too much cake

Happy Halloween!

Oh wow massive congrats dulcet just seen this news :) so happy for you!!

I went to bed at 8:00 last night with a banging headache! This diet is going to kill me!!

Thanks for the hooyahs and encouragement ladies.

Gingers crossed!

Goodness me, I generally only get chance to MN in the mornings before work, and I now have 5 pages to catch up on from yesterday! You chatty bunch, I actually had to make notes this time DH says I have a MN addiction

Huge congrats Dulcet and gx for a super sticky bean and calm head for you.

Welcome Bat your MN name makes you sound like you'll fit right in here

La I missed the convo about secret santa, but you truly are one of the most lovely, selfless, encouraging people I have ever come across on the Internet. I think you have probably positively affected every one of our lives with your kind words. I'm sure I would not have been able to keep sane on my ttc journey without you! In fact I think everyone of you on this Fred is wonderful. sorry for being soppy