A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

The problem is if you are in a ward with other women it is impossible to have partners staying the night. There is not enough room and it will infringe on the privacy of the other women.

In my experience, you will have lots of time together after the delivery, before being moved onto the ward. By the time you are settled on the ward you will probably be glad of some rest without him.

If it is really such an issue, have you considered having a homebirth?

Yes i understand that but surely right after the birth your not plonked straight from a delivery room to a ward? I think its disgusting that a man is expected to leave his newborn just because he hasnt been through the pain a woman has, i know the woman needs the medical attention but if i was a man i would hate to leave my newborn only hours after having him/her. wouldnt you?

I think that is pretty normal. Its about space unfortunately. That said ds was born at 0017 and dh didnt go home until 6am as ward wasnt busy you never know. I dont think you can insist really, without infringing on other women on the ward. It wont be for long but I knnow those first hours are precious.

Well, he will be with you as you give birth and then where would he go? No one else on the post labour ward is going to want someone else's partner there as they struggle through their first nights too.

It probably won't be right after the birth, more like 2-3 hours after, when you will leave the delivery suite and move onto the postnatal ward.

Also, it isn't just about you, but about all the other mothers and babies on the ward who may not feel comfortable with a strange man around.

Certainly where I work, you can insist all you like, but if you're on the postnatal ward and your dh refuses to leave they will call security and forceably remove him!

If you're really that bothered then your best bet is to ask for an early discharge from the delivery unit - only possible if everything's straightforward and you haven't had an epidural though.

once your baby is delivered, it is likely you will all be together for an hour or two at least before your transfer to the ward

i am afraid you cannot and should not insist your DP stays, a ward full of post natal women , some of whom will have had c.sections , need rest, quiet and not a lot of strange men wandering round. i am afraid if you give birth in hospital you have to repsect the needs of those in teh ward too

if it is such an issue, think about a homebirth

it is not disgusting that men are nor allowed on the PN or AN ward 24 hours a day.. there has to be time for new omthers to sleep, to be able to establish breastfeeding without worrying about other people's partners being htere

the noise level would be huge

If you're in the delivery suite then it's different, as it will just be you/your family.

However, once you go down to the ward you will be with other women who have had/are just about to have their babies.

It's not right to insist that your DP should be able to stay with you when there are other women in there trying to get their sleep in some sort of privacy. If you're in your own room then it's different.

I was in hospital for about 10 days with DS1, and it was really horrible and sometimes quite intimidating having lots of people around - even during the day. One Sunday, the woman in the next bed to me had her whole family with her all day - all sitting there reading the Sunday papers.

When you're sore from the birth, not sleeping well, trying to get feeding established you deserve some consideration from other people

I know you will want your DP with you for as long as possible, so see if you can stay in the delivery suite for as long as you can - or if it's really important to you, why not see if you can pay for a private room?

Please, please consider the situations of the other women in the ward.

I understand if i have to stay in for longer than 24hours, but if i have a normal birth with no complication acording to the hospital i shouldnt have to stay in for longer than 24hours and can go after 6hours by my own choice, surely he'd be able to stay for that time? Well i pray its not busy then and i have a normal birth, god why does everything seem so panicky!

I agree with you to a point but I don't think insisting will do any good and I don't think it is the best use of your energies either.

I'm sure your DP is lovely, but some men are not, and you wouldn't want to try to sleep with a strange bloke right next to you (through a thin curtain), would you?

When I had DD I felt the same as you but actually, DP having had a good night's sleep before we came home proved to be invaluable for looking after us!

tiggs, it is not about a man not being allowed to stay because hes not been thorugh the pain of birth, but for a myriad of other reasons, including the safety of other women and babies and their needs after the birth too

it is not a punishment for you and your DP

And if delivery unit is busy they will need the beds for other women. Would you rather they had to travel to another hospital just so your dp doesn't have to go home?!!

you can insist on a 6 hour discharge if all is well

however, you might need to be in hospital. you will have MW to call if you need help on the PN ward and auxilliaries too

you won't be abandoned and you will cope

your DH cannot stay on the PN ward outside of visiting times and you need to get your head round that now, develop some coping strategies and not try and get the rules broken when you delvier

I was worried about that before giving birth, and the worry was unfounded. I had my Caesarean at around half eleven in the night. My husband didn't leave until around 3 in the morning, when I was wheeled over to the ward.

You don't go straight to the ward anyway, and although this is the rules in most hospitals they don't push him out the door straight away,
they do let him have some time up on the ward to help you get settled
but as everyone else has said there are other women in the ward whose partners will have been asked to leave not fair on them if yours gets to stay

ds was born at 8.20pm I wasn't brought to the ward until after midnight and I sent dh on home as we were both knackered, he didn't even know where in the ward I was the next day, I honestly didn't mind he had spent loads of time with ds while I had my bath

Try not to get panicky over it. If you do have a normal birth and can be dicharged after 6 hours then you will probably only be on the ward for 3 or 4 hours on your own with the baby.

If its in the daytime there is so much going on that you will hardly miss him. Try to think of it as quality bonding time with your baby.

By the time they've filled in the paperwork, bathed the baby, asked you a zillion questions and fed you, you'll be on your way home anyway.

Is there a reason you have to go to hospital instead of having a homebirth?

Im not a pushy person and i wouldnt insist to the point of needing security!! but they did say visiting hours can be spoke about at anypoint so i shall definately speak about them, if im staying in for more than 24hours than i understand they cant stay and i respect the other womans privacy.
but if im just in for a short time than i hope it;l be ok or i hope im on the delivery suite for long enough! I would like a homebirth but oit ill adviced as its my first baby and would love to have a payed private room but im not fortunate enough to have the funding!
I surly cant be the only woman whos had a panik about this?

just go home 6 hours after
you dont have to stay there
or if you're so bothered think about a home birth

its wrong to insist
thats selfish

Thing is if youre happy and ok to go after 6 hours then great but if you are bf you may want to stay in longer for advice / support. Dont get discharged JUST because your dh cant stay. Fwiw were the ward v busy no he wouldnt be able to stay the 6 hours either as thered be nowhere for him to go. You just have to toughen up a bit and accept it Im afraid.

Sorry tiggz, can't quite read your message. Are you saying that a homebirth is ill adviced because it's your first baby? Really? Who gave you this advice and what evidence is it based on?

Husbands are not allowed to stay in the private rooms on the pn ward at my trust.

Not fair to other women to have men walking around whilst they in nighties etc.

unless you are high risk, then there is no reason you cannot have a homebirth for a first baby

IMO, if you are labouring athome and not worrying about your DP being sent away and you want you all to be together a s afamily, then you are far more likely to labour better at home , than in hospital, with the stress of being seperated
but even if you do go in to hospital, it won't be as bad as you fear

ineedsomesleep my midwife and books say it is, but im really not sure what evidence its based on. but i think when i have the 2nd i might opt for a home birth to save all this hassle! even if i wanted one now i have no time to plan it as im already 8days overdue!!