A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

You might find that you feel differently after the baby is born; it's a chance to sleep (if your baby sleeps) and you might well find you are glad to have some time just you and your newborn before the inevitable deluge of visitors that will carry on for days, possibly weeks!

I was so scared of being in hospital on my own, but in the event, my DS was born at 8:30 and my DH left at about 11am to go home and get some sleep. I had a much-needed sleep myself while my DS slept, and woke up feeling much better.

Tiggz,you need to relax about this. Yes, you should have been told earlier that DP cannot stay on post-natal ward, but that's the rules.
You will be fine. By the time you have the baby, then have a wash, then get dressed, then have a cup of tea and lots of cuddles, it will probably be nearly morning anyway! You will be exhausted, DP exhausted and you will have a beautiful little baby to take care of. I'm afraid its not all about your preferences and when your baby arrives I very much doubt you will care about anything else.

P.S Often nurses are not siiting around doing 'nothing' when patients are waiting to be discharged. Doctors need to sign off the notes, meds need to be authorised. Don't judge so quickly

notcitrus thanku ever so much yes they should make it clearer instead of dumping the bad news on u at last miniute! and i totally agree with your 2nd part! if anything the woman on the ward are going to need more privacy durng the day than at night with the doctors rounds as they dont start daytime...confusing
mumnwlondon i plan on leaving asap, i just hope that i can with no complications.

I'm a bit bemused that you would have thought he could stay when you knew you were going to be on a ward if you stayed in overnight. Where were you imagining he was going to sleep?

Tiggz you are 18 - you have lived with your boyfriend for the last 2 years and I bet you don't have any idea how a hospital works or what goes on behind the scenes - I bet you are even unaware that a nurse cannot just dishcarge you but needs a doctor to allow her to do this - did you not realise that they may have been waiting for test results, a doctor to be freed up because you being discharged in all your 18 year old lack of life experience niavity probably wasn't high on their list of things to do at the moment as they would never ever have not had other things to be doing whether it getting ready for admissions or writing up notes or having their 5 minutes break after being on a really long shift and not having stopped for that whole shift - they I bet would have been just as eager to get rid of you as you were to leave.

'if anything the woman on the ward are going to need more privacy durng the day than at night with the doctors rounds as they dont start daytime...confusing'

They need just as much privacy at night.

The babies don't obey day/night separation.

They're up, crying and wanting fed.

So the women are up, feeding, needing the toilet, needing pain relief, having problems with catheters, getting to the toilet, passing clots, etc.

They don't want to share their sleeping space and toilet with someone's partner or husband.

As much as you find it hard to sleep without your partner there, others find it hard to sleep with some random bloke just feet away from them and their newborn baby.

ladybiscuit where i originally came from, my sister had 4children in that hospital and it was all very different and better and men are allowed to stay until they are dischared, also i stayed in hospital overnyt there on a ward when i had a MMC and my DP was alowwed to stay with me. so i wasnt expecting it to be different here

madame i am offended that just because im 18 you asume i dont have a clue how a hospital works, i have been in and out of hospital many times for many personal reasons for the past 2-3 years i have ALOT of hospital experience and yes i was aware of that, i was disharging myself instead of waiting for the doctors, so they didnt need to wait for them, they need to give me a foorm to fill out! And with the amount of things iv been through bleave me i have alot of life experience in all aspects of life.

Well said MadamCastaFiore!!! I've met some self, self entitled, grabby, ill informed, selfish teenagers in my time but the Op takes the biscuit.
Notice she's not told us what profession she works in (clearly one where spelling isn't required) where no one ever stops for a cup of tea.
WTF would a nurse be doing discharging a patient at 2am anyway??? And as madam said, nurses can't dishcharge anyway!!!

If you can't cope with one night on a postnatal ward OP then heaven help you if you run into genuine pareting challenges once your baby arrives!!!

hazyjane i too felt awful and abandonned and it was my 5th baby
I would try my utmost to keep dp with me as i never rest well without him especially in highly charged emotional state.

Anyone with an ounce of common would realise that hospitals are a place for treating patients and that there will be a limit to visiting.

How many times have you heard of genuinely sick people, who may well be frightened, lonely, attached to their DPs, and generally anxious, having their partners with them at all times? You don't. Because people clutter bed spaces, and emergencies happen, and privacy needs to be maintained.

They didn't dump bad news on you at the last minute. You didn't check what the situation was in the 36 weeks and 8 days of pregnancy that you have experienced.

What do you or your partner do for a living, tiggz, if we may ask?

Is there a reason the OP can't have a homebirth?

Tiggz - also please try not to worry about it. In all likelihood it will not end up being a problem. If you are on a ward and you need help in the night there are midwifes around to help you.

Also they will try to keep you on the labour ward for as long as they can, sometimes this is 6 hours + (was with both my children) - and of course your DP would be around all day even on the post natal ward. So a lot depends on the time of day the baby is born at.

As I said DS born 00:06 and we were on the labour ward (with DH until we got discharged at around 9.30am). I told them that if they wanted to kick me out of the room in the middle of the night (ie if they needed it for someone else) it was fine but we'd be going home, I would not be going to the post natal ward.

For the record, I had a TERRIBLE night in the post natal ward - when I got there at 10pm I was the first one there, and during the night, every 2 hours they brought someone else in (4 beds in total) and when each person arrived they were very noisy, and then the babies were crying too. I was so desperate to go home. When my DH came back the next morning I was sobbing as I was so tired - I'd had no sleep for 2 nights by that point. I was so grateful though that he'd had a good sleep as when he took me home he looked after DD for around 8 hours (with a feed halfway) so I could catch up on my sleep.

I think its the same on all post natal wards in all NHS hospitals.

You should also add to your birth plan that you want to be discharged directly from labour ward.

Also if you have an epidural its more likely you'd need to stay in longer because you couldn't go home until its totally worn off!

look, if you did have as much life experience etc as you say, even if you believed what you say about the NHS, you would not keep repeating it, when it is offensive to others

and again, if something is so important to you, you should take the onus on yourself to confirm whether what you think will happen is going to happen

i imagine the info re visiting and birth partners is available on teh hospital website

cat64 i have been perfectly nice to the people who have respected me! but when people say im selfish because i dont agree with a rule, is beign disrespectful and telling me to grow up because i simply dont want to stay in hospital overnight is an outrage and i think i had every right to tell her to right a different post somewhere else as this thread isnt actually about nhs services, yes i swore in that post but i didnt swear at her i.e call her anything i used a couple of swear words genrally therefore the post was not abusive!
mcbitchy thanku its proves that im not just a "selfish teenager" that wants my own way, any woman of any age can feel very attached to their dps and very vunrable without them

Tiggz I am sure you are not the spoilt brat you are coming across as but I'd quit whilst you're behind.
The rules are the rules I'm sure the staff will do their very best for you but if it was me, 8 days overdue, you still have another 6 days to organise yourself for a homebirth.
Worth a try ?

Incidentally, the lazy paediatrician (doctor) has to cover maternity, SCBU, PICU and the children's wards. So when there isn't much going on in maternity, they are still running their backsides off somewhere else. Which means that even if you are ready to go home, they might be saving a child's life somewhere, so a tad too busy to do the paperwork you need.

tiggaz, I did actually feel as you do before I had my baby. I was aghast that DP would not be able to stay.
But you know, it really realy wasn't an issue in the end. As everyone says, we had time to cuddle, and bond, and oooh and aaaah over the baby, and then all I wanted to do was sleep, and it was night anyway - there was no room fo DP in the curtained cubicle.
In the end I had to stay in for 5 days because DS needed treatment, but the hospital were really good - they gave me a room on my own, and did willingly allow DP to stay, and brought a mattress to put on the floor for him. They had several ready f just such an event.

As lulumaam says, don't get too anxious about this one point, it could spoil it all for you.

Congratulations - and good luck!

When I was in labour waiting for a labour room to open up all 3 other women on the ward had their dhs with them. One of them kept shouting at me to 'shut the fuck up' every time I had a contraction. I ended up labouring alone in the corridor because it was so upsetting. This was in the middle of the night, well after visiting hours and none of the women had babies, the were waiting fot elcs the next day. I think visiting hours are too long on mat wards, women don't get enough rest.

Laydeeeez - Tiggaz has not yet had a baby, unllike almost everyone else on this thread - people do get anxious about details, and she is 18.

Oooohhh nurses love those kinda people know feck all about hospitals and what to expect and what really goes on but as they have been a patient a few times know what goes on inside out and discharge themselves at will.

No and sorry but regardless of what you have been through someone who at 16 moved in with their boyfriend has not had much life experience - and believe me I am being terribly kind - if you were older and had had any life experience I would be far blunter and ruder.

And really would you not prefer nurses not to rush about allowing patients to discharge at will - you are supposed to wait for a doctor for a reason.

I think everyone has lost the point here, this is a young woman looking for support as she is worried about her first birth and wants her DH with her. She is 8 days overdue and this is a place to declare our worries and concerns.

She has a right to find out what what her options are and how she might influence it.

It is OK not to aggree but this is not the platform to have a go at her about NHS understaffing and the right for MW's to have a cuppa ( which they should get but rarely do because it is a underpayed and undervalued job).

birth plans are not the be all and end all but they are a tool for the labouring women giving the MW who is supporting her, an considered indication of her personality and desires about one of the most important processes in our lives. It also gives her a sense of power and control over a situation in which she may feel powerless ( another topic all together), which may help her work with and trust the MW, enabling a better birth and experience. Which i am understand is the point of Midwifery.

my labour was one of the most amazing experiences ever. I felt powerful and strong and able. I had support ( am very lucky mum is a very good midwife) and i worked really hard to trust and work with my MW, even though i had very similar concerns. I had a hospital birth and it was great.

Good luck tiggz, you are asking good questions, it is OK to be worried about these things. In the end you just need to plan as much as you can and share this with your DP and then go with the flow. And try and hold off untill you are really in established labour to go to Hosp. ( i was 9 1/2 cms ! but did have my mum there so knew was OK should things go south!)

boobz im 40weeks plus 8dys and would be too late to plan it now as she could come at any hour, but if i was told in time about the rule i would have polanned it.

mumnwlondon thanx for the advice

lulu i find some of your opinions offensive it dosent mean your not alowwed to have them, i wouldnt keep repeating mine if you dropped the nhs subject as i av tried to for ages now! i didnt check because i didnt know all hospitals had different visiting rules on pst natal wards, why should someone check if they didnt realise?

blu thanku ever so much i really apreciate the support!

madame beleave you me, if you knew what i had been through you would take that comment right back, im very mature for my age i had to mature early! age is bugga all but a number its the maturity level that counts! please post somewhere else if you are goint to continue to talk ab out the nhs and my age! this thread isnt about that