A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

In the hospital DD was born in they didn't even have a loo available to use for men or boys. They had to go down 3 floors and use the public loo down there. I think this showed exactly how important the hospital considered the father's/ family's role.

my first birth was 40 hours from waters breaking till baby born. Husband was with me the whole time. he went through it without the adrenaline, the drugs or the attention. By the end of it I was worried for him. I think if we expect husbands to be there through it all we need to give them a bit of consideration for recovery. there is no way I would have expected him to hang around, uncomfortable for any longer.

Definatley agree with the privacy issue for other women. You are sore, bleeding heavily, mess everywhere, trying to breast feed etc.

You need to get your mind set to that few hours of just you and your baby being the most special possibly ever. Maybe the only time you wont have to share your wee one with anyone else. Enjoy it.

I don't see why women who have given birth should be more scared or in need of help than say women on the cancer ward or women on the general accident ward. And on those wards, unless you are actually dying, your family is supposed to keep to visiting hours so everybody can try to get some sleep in the night. Otherwise, people who stay in for more than one night will end up getting very very tired.

Thanks for all those who have given me possitive feedback.

still overdue tiggz? you sound tired, remember you are young and have so much going on don't get too caught up in all this as in a few weeks times you'll be holding your beautiful baby and this will all be ancient history. take care of yourself and get some rest i have a feeling we're going to need it

While I sympathise with the wish to have your partner/husband/whatever with you the whole time when you're in hospital with a baby, it is a difficult situation.

As someone whose husband is firmly of "I'll sit in the corridor with a coffee and the Telegraph crossword" variety (Thank God - he'd have been more hassle in the delivery theatre with me!) I was quite content to have him leave at the end of visiting hours.

With both our sons, he was working away while I was pregnant (with our second son, I spent seven weeks in hospital before he was born) and I think he missed all appointments with midwives etc - he might have made it to one or two.

I was lucky in that I had a elective section/private room for both births and there were plenty of staff on hand to help if I needed it - always allowing for how busy they could be at times. Visiting hours for non-partners were strictly observed and the hours for the new fathers were also strictly observed. They were a little lenient with those in private rooms, so long as the men were leaving with 30mins of the ward closing for the night but they still had to go.

I know the OP is nervous - it's her first time, after all - and I'm sure she'll find that it isn't as bad as she fears once she gets in.

Tiggz - even those who haven't agreed with you or given you 'positive feedback', have given their time to answer this thread and contribute to the discussion.

Anyhow - you don't need to be focussing on this now - as RaraAvis says, soon you will be at home with a beautiful baby, and I hope you'll be able to come here and tell us a happy birth story.

You need to think positive about staying in hospital - instead of worrying that you won't cope without your partner, tell yourself that you can cope, and you will cope - if nothing else, this thread should show you that you have guts!!

It's also worth remembering that things are very different when you are a parent, and you will be able to do things for your child's sake that you would tremble to do for yourself - so if you are on the ward overnight, and your partner has to go home, you will be focussed on your baby's needs and that will enable you to cope far better than you think you can.

tiggz, you are talking about the wards when you recover afterwards for these hours I think?

the delivery suites, of course will alloow them to be there 24/7. plus after you have the baby you are in the room for a while bonding etc before they wheel you to the ward

I know its a worry, but honestly try not to. everyone is in the same boat and its not fair on the other Mums and Babies to have your DP there, and not theirs

good luck, and try niot to worry, they will not whisk them away b4 you are ready

Thankyou all, and yes im still here 11days overdue. Im posting another thread on childbirth which i would love you all to comment on please with your opinions, its about my situation with my blood pressure, and the hospital not inducing me, wondering whether you think its bad or not, anyway as im so pleased with the results i got from this thread i would love to hear all of your opinions, the thread is called Is it wrong to prolong induction with BP problems?
Thankyou all again for your advice and support, hope to hear your feedback on my other thread.

any news Tiggz?

I had a c-section and when I went to the wards after, I was still undable to move my legs. I was extremely grateful to be an a ward of only women. My baby had been rushed to SCBU, and it was awful that we both had to leave him. BUT It was necessary - dh had a good night's sleep, meaning he had the energy to halp the next day, when I was shattered.

I would have felt extremely vulnerable to know there were men on the ward.

Hi all i had my beautiful baby girl on thursday the 25th of march at 11.45pm she weighed 7lb 15oz. I stayed in the delivery room with my DP until 3.30ish am obviously, and then i was sent along to the ward by myself...the dreaded time had aproached lol. And to report...i hated every god damn miniute of it, i was induced and had a few complications in labor, so i was overdue, and tired anyway then i was physically tired from the labor, and emotionally tired from the difficultys (me and baby are ok though) and i was put on the ward with my baby that just wouldnt feed or sleep or lay alone, i ended up not having a single miniute of sleep all night, i really could of done with having my DP there to take her of my hands so i could sleep, i was shattered and i still am, im only now catching up on sleep. Yes the night did go quick, but i still hated it and im glad its all over with. I do hope one day it'l change and NHS will be able to satisfy everybodys needs.
mumnwlondon Thankyou for asking after me x

Tiggz - many congratulations on your daughters arrival but sorry that your experience on the ward was as bad as you feared. Perhaps a Home Birth next time eh?

gailforce1 i dont think that would be a good idea considering my bp during this pregnancy and my baby wasnt breathing for 1st 2miniutes when she was born, kind of scary to think we could of been at home wiothout the proper equipment, i might consider a different hopital where dps are allowed though, there are hospitals like that in the country, as long as there close enough il do that, thanks for the sympathy and congrats. x

I'd second the idea of a homebirth, tiggz. I had ds2 and ds3 at home, and it was wonderful being able to have a bath in my own bath, then get back into my own bed - which was way more comfortable than any hospital bed - and cuddle up with dh.

And huge congratulations on the birth of your baby girl. Now you can put the hospital bit, and all the stress and worry of it, behind you, and just enjoy having your baby.

I am going to give you one bit of advice - though I know everyone will be handing you lots of unwanted advice. When your dd sleeps, you sit down, put your feet up and have a rest. As you said, you are still catching up on your sleep (and to be honest, I'm not sure I've done that yet), and a 10 minute power-nap will really help - and it will help far more than dashing round with the hoover.

I hope you are having a lovely time being a mum, and I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job.

Congratulations Tiggz - just been on a hunt for this thread as was wondering about you. Congratulaions to you all and a big welcome to the world for your baby girl. Look after yourself and I am also echoing the advice of StayingDavidTennantsGirl above.

I think you would have to go privately to have your dp staying with you.

Tiggz congrats, glad all was ok.

My DS was born at at midnight and I was allowed to stay in the delivery room with DH until the next morning... but I also couldn't sleep. At around 4am both DH and DS were fast asleep.... I wandered round to the midwifes desk to ask why I couldn't sleep and she said that it would be very unusual to get any sleep for the first 6-8 hours after having a baby - so maybe even if you had your DP you wouldn't be able to sleep.

Next time make enquires when choosing hospital whether DP's can stay but I second what others say - currently only seems possible either in some MLUs or homebirth or if you can pay for a private room.

I know what you mean about the non breathing my DD was the same and I was glad of the docs being there to do resus - because of that I will not consider a homebirth although lucky that the MLU I am going to is inside a big hospital and let you stay in the delivery room for 6-12 hours and ideally send you straight from the delivery room.

Actually this time I might send DH home if its the night as would be really nice for my DD and DS to have daddy there when they wake up.

I know this thread is a bit old, but I just wanted to share that I also was terrified of being left alone with baby after labour and felt like I needed my husband there with me.
They let us stay in the delivery room for severel hours after DS (at4pm) then at about 7pm they started talking about taking me up to the ward.
I felt healthy and protested that actually I would like to go home, and I wouldn't be able to sleep on a strange ward full of strangers.
They really advised that I stay at least until the morning and were kind enough to give me a room on my own and let my husband stay, the beds are massive so we both slept in one together (although I still didn't sleep much).

I would advise a homebirth if you dislike being alone on wards, either that or at worst threaten to discharge yourself (my reasoning in that situation would be 'I will go bad if sleep depribed due to strange surroundings being alone after all that exhaustion and i'm afraid it could trigger PND and be bad for us both)
Maybe they can facilitate you better and let husband stay in private room if they know how concerned you are about it like they did with me.

mad**

tiggz just read your post, glad you survived it anyway,
well done x

Congratulations Tiggz, just seen this thread again.

Sorry that your night on the ward wasn't great.

I hope everything is going well for you both and your little girl.