A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

You may also not feel like going home straight away - don't assume that you will.

It used to be the case that you could get a private room for a relatively small amount of money - I think they were called Amenity rooms? Not sure about that - but they weren't as expensive as you're probably assuming.

If you're really frightened about being alone, then it's worth investigating this option.

Hmmm this is a hard one, i can understand what your saying but to be honest depending on how long your in labour for and when your baby is born no one can tell you what will happen.

My first labour was 16 hours long, dp had been up since 5am that morning so had i, dp had been to work, ds was not born till 20.30 that night i did not arrive on the ward till midnight, dp was shattered totally exhausted he was actually wanted to go home to get into bed, i hated being on my own if i am honest and could not wait for the night to be over and dp to be back in the morning, to be honest though where you have your gorgeous little newborn baby the time goes fast and before i knew it dp was back by my side.

what are you worried about? would you not rather have your dh go home and rest and get ready for when everyone arrives home so he can help as much as possible at this stage and not be totally shattered?

Realistically, you are likely to have to spend the night, or part of the night, in hospital by yourself, so I think you need to prepare yourself for that. You never know in advance how everything is going to work out, and that post-natal time in hospital can be vital for help in establishing feeding, and just for having people who know what they are doing around to help you and your baby. It sounds like you are putting pressure on yourself to have a straightforward no problems birth, just so you can escape from hospital quickly. I think you need to practise a more "take it as it comes" attitude, as you cannot forsee how it is going to pan out for you.

Incidentally, timing wise, although you can leave after 6 hours, the baby should be signed off by a paediatrician, so you may have to wait for one to be available. My dd2 was a straightforward birth at 6.30pm but we had to stay in all night as they did not discharge people in the middle of the night. I asked for my paperwork to be done quickly in the morning though so that my 2 yr old wouldn't be rampaging while we were waiting to be released.

Where is he going to sleep? I had a private room (C section) and the only place he could sleep was a rubbish chair. I made sure he went home for a decent kip.

memyselfandit Im just not good with hospitals and not good with being alone at night away from home. I just dont wanna be alone, im really not looking forward to it, iv had to stay in hospital throughout this pregnancy plenty of times with high blood pressure alone and i hated it!
Im not assuming il be home within six hours, im hoping!

I think that has become over exagerated in your mind,your dh will be most welcome to stay for quite some time after the birth and it can be a very long tiring affair and both of you need to get some rest afterwards,you will more than likely feel initially exhilerated but then an all encompassing tiredness and you need total rest to allow your body to settle.

Its about rules for your own good and its not prison you dont feel like your locked in or anything besides which your dp will want to get home freshen up tell everyone the news have a beer and buy you flowers ...... but he will be back for visiting time.

It would be very wrong to cause a fuss over this,

Enjoy your birth and your first taste of being a mummy and daddy .

Having said all that in my message above, my sister in law managed to give birth at 9.30am and was home by 4pm without even going on to a post-natal ward. It can happen. Please don't stress yourself out over it, as I'm sure being overdue must be stressful enough. Good luck with your birth and new little one!

YABU. I would have liked my husband there, too. Rules are rules.

If you want your partner there then give birth at home, be discharged right off the delivery suite or go private.

I would raise holy hell if I were on a ward and found out someone else had a partner there overnight.

Why should someone be the exception to the rules everyone else has to abide?

It's normal. But they are very lax on checking they do actually leave My ds was born at one in the morning, very lovely, uncomplicated birth. Was wheeled down to the postnatal ward (there was only one other woman on there iirc, in a room with 4 beds) and dp just fell asleep on the chair next to the bed. We got a right telling off from a midwife the next morning.

You might be able to get a 6 hour discharge, DS was born at 7.35am, I went home at 6pm, DP stayed the whole time.

I agree it is not right that they are separated but I can totally understand why - it's just one of the constraints of having a ward rather than private rooms, think about how much this care is costing and you get it all for free. Some hospitals or birth centres do have private rooms though, have you asked about this? You might have to pay or they might be allocated on a first come first served basis, if there are even private rooms for general use at all.

You will get an hour or two immediately after the birth in the delivery room with your partner and then you will be moved onto the ward, if it's daytime, he will be allowed to stay on the ward with you anyway.

Sometimes there are exceptions e.g. if it is not very busy or if you have had a very traumatic birth.

Also, in a room with several women with only curtains to enclose your bed, a woman needs to have medical professionals check her stitches, wounds, bleeding, etc.

She needs to speak of such matter to the healthcare professionals and answer their questions.

In such instances she deserves to have her privacy respected as much as possible.

Well i know and i dont want there to be an exception just for me, like iv said if im in overnight i understand more so, because i know other woman want ther privacy but if im on a ward for a little bit it would be nice, im just not used to those rules where i am now, because where i previously lived where my sister had her kids, it was much differet, and a hell of a lot better, and i dont think im over reacting as im overdue, hoormonal, panicking and only found out that he would have to leave me yesterday, because NHS dont give this imformation in enough time to prepare you, instead they drop it on you like a sack of bricks when its nearly time for you to pop!

I had my twins by elective c-section, and we were in hospital from 8am for a 12pm op. DH stayed with me from the moment we arrived, through the op, and then until about 8pm when I insisted that he went home (actually, his best mate and his DW arrived to see us (they are godparents) and to take him for a curry) because I was exhausted and needed rest. He felt like a spare part, anyway - not much he could do. I was on the delivery suite for two nights because I'd had to have a blood transfusion, and he was allowed to come and go as he pleased. After that, I was on the ward for two nights, and he had to stick visiting hours. That said, I'd had a really rough night as I was having problems establishing breast feeding, and the ward had no problem with me calling him to come in an hour or so early. We didn't stay in the ward at that point - we went to their feeding room for a bit, and walked up and down the corridor and so on.

Overall though, it made a huge difference that he DID go home - it meant that he was well rested, that the house was clean and tidy, and that everything was ready for us to come home to. Also, I just wanted to sleep when I got home (hospital PN wards are not terribly restful) and the fact that DH was well rested meant that I could do so, and that he was awake enough to enjoy bonding with his new daughters.

Try not to panic! And good luck.

They try to do ward rounds before 12, don't they? You can see why someone wouldn't want her stitches looked or discuss her fanjo / discharge/ catheter with someone else's DH the other side of a flimsy curtain, can't you?

You'll be OK - your DH will be with you for ages in the delivery suite - then if it's not visiting hours, sleep!

'But they are very lax on checking they do actually leave '

That depends.

I've given birth in two hospitals and the second was quite strict about visiting hours.

I was grateful, too, because they only allowed a max of 2 visitors at once, no young children and this was enforced.

No having to put up with an entire families crowding in (and pushing more and more on the curtain separating you from them), arguing, gabbing away, etc.

No men there past 8pm or dead early in the morning.

eviltwins thankyou x

When I had DS1 it was just after midnight - My DH had been at the hospital with me since 5am and was really tired. I had had a GA so DH was allowed in the recovery room but not up to the ward. It was horrid to see him go but rules are rules.

We settled on the ward, had a kip and a feed and then DH was back again - most wards have quite good visiting hours.

If your bay is born at night they'll let you stay on the delivery ward for as long as possible where your partner can stay with you and the baby.

ds1 was born just before midnight and even though it was a completely straight forward birth and i was up and walking about within minutes they kept me on delivery for a couple of hours where dp could be. He was allowed to accompany us down to the maternity ward and see us settled in and by that stage we were all badly in need of sleep anyway so he headed off.

One of the other women's dh was there when we first arrived and he slipped off at around the same time as dp.

We had wanted 6 hour discharge and it was available at that hospital but unfortunately only if a paed was available to check the baby... obviously it being night time there was a decided absense of docotrs so we had to wait... i could have just discharged us anyway but had had enough of fighting at that point (vit k refusnik) so couldn' be bothered!

No little kids throwing the curtains open, either, or running under them for entertainment.

the information is probably there somewhere, in your notes and on the hospital website etc.. but you porbably have to go lookng for it

i hope you have a totally straightforward birth and are hope as soon as possible!

ladyintheradiator no i wasnt offered a tour, im starting to think our hospital is pretty crap, i know it may not effect me, thats what im hoping on atleast!
I know to many of you it seems as though im blowing it way out of proportion, but for me its quite normal as i also have an anxiety issue, so this literal last minute thing is enough to panik me.