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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Original poster

How has your life improved since you chose boarding school for your DC?

163 replies

MisschiefMaker · 20/02/2023 18:49

Just that really.

In what ways has your life improved since enrolling your DC in boarding school?

Or, if you're an ex boarder, how did your parents and broader family benefit from the decision?

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 23/02/2023 08:14

Interesting username.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 23/02/2023 10:09

My life has massively improved by having my much wanted DD in it. I'm already dreading her leaving to go to Uni (and that's not for another 4 years). I can't imagine actually wanting her to 'go away' to boarding school to improve my life.

Do you have problems with your children? Do you need support to build better relationships with them? Or have you sent your children to boarding school against your better judgement and are looking for positives?

Not really sure what you're asking?

Bekindbekind · 23/02/2023 10:10

When's your deadline OP?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/02/2023 10:12

My life was improved by having my dd attend local state schools and having them with me all the time. And then being part of a local community.

My and their life would be horrible if they were in boarding school. Why have kids to send them away?

FormerEscapee · 23/02/2023 13:20

Shall I bite?

I can't comment on how life could be if I chose boarding school for my child.

My daughter is desperate to go to a boarding school. But its her choice.

Yes, I would miss her desperately, but living rurally without access to clubs/activities/transport etc means she feels she'll have far more opportunities for activities and friendship groups if she's at school Mon-Fri and then home at weekends.

I can't say her life will be horrible, in fact it looks amazing. Will I cope? With difficulty I suspect.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 13:24

I would hope that no parent would pack their kids off to boarding school thinking about how they themselves would benefit from it. How sad for the child!

Silvergone · 23/02/2023 13:26

My friend went to boarding school at age 15 and had an amazing time, I wish I’d been able to go where she went.

My mum went at age 7 and had a hideous time but school for that generation was very tough anywhere and 7 is obviously way too young.

Would I let my DC go? No because I want them around as much as possible, but I don’t see much difference between allowing a 13/15 yr old to go to boarding school and a 18 yr old going to a distant university with no one checking on them or remotely interested in their welfare. In fact the 13/15 yr old would be way better off than the 18 yr old without all the peer pressure to drink and shag around.

Boarding pre-teens is cruel imo but boarding as a teen I think would be fab for the teen. Near me most prep schools are day schools and the boys boarding schools start at age 13 so it’s almost like someone has thought about this already.

Sunriseinwonderland · 23/02/2023 13:31

The only person who benefitted from me going to boarding school was my stepfather who hated me. I missed my mum, my half siblings and felt I'd been cast out of the family which I basically had.
My MH never recovered.
All the other kids in boarding school had mental health problems and do to this day - the ones I keep in touch with.
Its not a substitute for a loving home, its akin to being put in care.

FormerEscapee · 23/02/2023 13:31

And some parents do need to consider boarding- the schools we've looked at prioritise those with parents in the forces or diplomatic service being posted overseas.

MissWings · 23/02/2023 13:34

It improves because you don’t have to be a parent I should imagine.

Waspie · 23/02/2023 13:36

Surely the important question is whether your child's life has been improved?

Morechocmorechoc · 23/02/2023 13:37

I loved boarding school. Started slowly from 8 and worked up to boarding weekly sometimes staying in at the weekend if I wanted. It's amazing living with your friends, constant activities.

For the parents they get adult time again. Can be more productive to earn to pay for it! But of course hopefully will miss the kiddos a lot.

CaramelMach · 23/02/2023 13:53

Waspie · 23/02/2023 13:36

Surely the important question is whether your child's life has been improved?

Ah yes but the Daily Mail brief is about the parents perspective!

londonmummy1966 · 23/02/2023 14:12

My life improved as I knew DC was happy, in a group that were like her rather than being the odd one out and was no longer constantly hassled by teachers to stop doing music practice and get on with academic work as music was a waste of time.... I am eternally grateful to the taxpayer funded music and dance fund for making that possible.

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 14:15

Our life improved in no way whatsoever. We thought that we were giving DS the opportunity of a lifetime by attending what is considered to be one of the best boys boarding schools. The pastoral care was beyond woeful ,we forced DS to spend years living with people that we wouldn't want to spend 5 mins with. DS lives in the US now and has forgiven us , we will never forgive ourselves. I am deeply ashamed of sending DS to boarding school and think about my decision every day.

I am a regular poster but name changed for this.
Sadly I think that my DS 's former school will survive the changes Keir Starmer's government will bring. I wish the dreadful place wouldn't.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 14:33

Sorry to hear that @Thisthatandanother. It sounds like you really believed that you were doing your best for him at the time. Sorry it didn't work out that way. Flowers

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 14:39

Thank you for your kind words @MrsBennetsPoorNerves , I don't feel I deserve them. I did believe we were giving DS a great opportunity, how could I have thought that. 😥

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 14:40

If your life is ‘enhanced’ by having paid strangers raise your child, then you’re a pretty crap parent aren’t you?

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 14:43

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 14:15

Our life improved in no way whatsoever. We thought that we were giving DS the opportunity of a lifetime by attending what is considered to be one of the best boys boarding schools. The pastoral care was beyond woeful ,we forced DS to spend years living with people that we wouldn't want to spend 5 mins with. DS lives in the US now and has forgiven us , we will never forgive ourselves. I am deeply ashamed of sending DS to boarding school and think about my decision every day.

I am a regular poster but name changed for this.
Sadly I think that my DS 's former school will survive the changes Keir Starmer's government will bring. I wish the dreadful place wouldn't.

It’s very easy to get sucked in by the prestige and ‘opportunities’ so don’t beat yourself up, the fact you’re sorry will mean a lot to him even if it doesn’t fully heal. My DH and Dad have ‘boarding school syndrome’, they both boarded from 7 or 8 😢 I think their main bug bear is that their parents ‘Still don’t get it’ so they feel no vindication or recognition of their feelings. Their parents just act like they’re ungrateful!

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 14:44

Waspie · 23/02/2023 13:36

Surely the important question is whether your child's life has been improved?

Stop bringing up uncomfortable questions!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 14:45

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 14:39

Thank you for your kind words @MrsBennetsPoorNerves , I don't feel I deserve them. I did believe we were giving DS a great opportunity, how could I have thought that. 😥

Things can be so obvious with hindsight, but there is no point in judging your actions back then in the context of what you know now. You can only judge what your intentions were, based on the knowledge that was available to you at the time.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. You don't deserve to feel guilty forever about doing something that you thought would be of benefit to your child. In any case, we all screw up as parents to a greater or lesser extent - not a single one of us gets every call right.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:50

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 14:15

Our life improved in no way whatsoever. We thought that we were giving DS the opportunity of a lifetime by attending what is considered to be one of the best boys boarding schools. The pastoral care was beyond woeful ,we forced DS to spend years living with people that we wouldn't want to spend 5 mins with. DS lives in the US now and has forgiven us , we will never forgive ourselves. I am deeply ashamed of sending DS to boarding school and think about my decision every day.

I am a regular poster but name changed for this.
Sadly I think that my DS 's former school will survive the changes Keir Starmer's government will bring. I wish the dreadful place wouldn't.

Bloody. Hell.

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:51

@Thisthatandanother

you say you forced him to endure that hell.

Did you know what he was going through? Or were you unaware?

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:54

This is the op on another thread

This is a secret fear of mine.. that my DD will get to age 10 and I'll just find her boring and too much of a hassle to be around and want to send her away.

no words

CouldShouldWont · 23/02/2023 14:54

My ds boarded for 6th form not an independent school but for a specialist school that had boarding for students who couldn’t commute - like a uni flat with a house parent, he was free to come and go in the city, and home at weekends from Friday pm.

He made great friends, learnt to cook and do his own laundry and the virtues of a clean and tidy living space. He also got support with homework and with the trials of teenager life. He’s loved uni but was well prepared for it by this half way house

I knew my ds was well looked after and able to develop emotionally with a range of kind, interested and supportive adults. He had loads of social time and fun with his mates, both local and in the city he was boarding in, and was removed from his local social group when a lot were struggling with teenage life. It gave us a bit of distance as single mum and ds to detach a bit from teenage rebellion and enjoy each others company at weekends.

Like I said not a boarding school but it was boarding and I think we both got a lot out of it.