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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Original poster

How has your life improved since you chose boarding school for your DC?

163 replies

MisschiefMaker · 20/02/2023 18:49

Just that really.

In what ways has your life improved since enrolling your DC in boarding school?

Or, if you're an ex boarder, how did your parents and broader family benefit from the decision?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/03/2023 16:21

It really does sound like boarding school is a socially acceptable form of private fostering/handing over to the care system for a significant number of children.

VanCleefArpels · 09/03/2023 16:36

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 10:04

@MisschiefMaker Yes they are putting the relationship with their partner before their kids.

Because guess what your kids will eventually leave home but your spouse will (hopefully) still be around.

Hoppinggreen · 09/03/2023 16:49

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/02/2023 17:48

We’re in the middle of creating the pros and cons of this as DD4 has been offered a place at a specialist residential school from September. She’d weekly board.

For her she’d not have the 90 min each way taxi ride to her current school.
She’d have specialist care on site 24/7.
She’d not have to move for high school and possibly not for college.

For me I’d get to be a Mum to my other kids during the week rather than just DD’s carer. I’d also have better quality time with her at weekends as I’d get to sleep during the week.
As a family we’d be under less pressure from constant caring, medicating, changing and the other children would have more freedom to make noise and have friends round.

On the downside my baby would be away Monday morning to Friday afternoon and that just feels awful.

I’m pretty anti boarding but I think in your circumstances it may well be the best thing for the whole family.
Wont be easy for you though

Highlyflavouredgravy · 09/03/2023 16:54

KittyWithStripes · 23/02/2023 17:21

DH and siblings boarded from age 12, his parents loved him and his siblings very much but they lived in an extremely rural, isolated area with dreadful local options for secondary. It was better for the whole family in general.. not all of them loved boarding but the alternatives were truly dire. So in that sense his parents knew they were genuinely doing the best for their children.

Wouldn't it have been better to move to somewhere less rual with better schools?

ladykale · 09/03/2023 17:19

Week day boarding and home at the weekend sounds like best of both worlds to be honest, but provided your child loves it and thrives both socially and academically.

Confused by @Thisthatandanother post - didn't your child at any point say that they hated it so that you could withdraw them?

KittyWithStripes · 09/03/2023 19:46

Er, no… it’s the family farm. Third generation.

What on earth do you think “very rural” means? It means farmers! They’re not just living in splendid isolation for the fun of it 🤨

KittyWithStripes · 09/03/2023 19:47

(That was @Highlyflavouredgravy ’s silly suggestion)

Original poster
MisschiefMaker · 09/03/2023 19:48

There weren't any issues in the holidays over any of things you describe though so no need for discipline from my parents. It just made for way less conflict between parents and kids so a more relaxed and enjoyable relationship.

@Blip
Sounds like you had pretty unusual teenage years if you didn't rebel against your parents! But I take your point that boarding can be a buffer between kids and their parents as it diminishes some of the parental role as it pertains to discipline.

Hopefully my DC are as good as you when teenagers but if not there's always boarding school! 😄

OP posts:
RadioactiveWear · 09/03/2023 20:03

Some of the DC in my DC's old private prep got shipped off to boarding school in year 3, as it was the feeder school or a school associated with getting DC into Eton. Their parents were awful and the biggest snobs ever, and this will stop me from ever voting for anyone who went to Eton.

One of these DC relays back to his friends how anxious he is and how he is scared and unhappy at boarding school but has to do it because of his parents. Another DC we know goes to a top boarding school and it is a well-known fact, except for his parents, that he is taking loads of drugs. He has made many rich friends; they basically do no work and are there just to live it up.

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 20:24

@VanCleefArpels

What the hell?

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 20:27

@VanCleefArpels

So you're saying your husband was military and you followed him and put the kids into boarding school?

Highlyflavouredgravy · 09/03/2023 21:04

KittyWithStripes · 09/03/2023 19:46

Er, no… it’s the family farm. Third generation.

What on earth do you think “very rural” means? It means farmers! They’re not just living in splendid isolation for the fun of it 🤨

Not a silly suggestion at all.
If my alternatives were to continue the family business and have to send my children to boarding school OR change my way of life and sell up so we could all live together and my children could have day to day nurturing ftom their parents, I would definitely do that.

It's just justification for putting parent's wants ahead of children's needs.

Hoppinggreen · 09/03/2023 21:12

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 20:27

@VanCleefArpels

So you're saying your husband was military and you followed him and put the kids into boarding school?

I was a day pupil at boarding school and there were a few military families there. I remember asking why they boarded and they said because their Dad moved around and I though but what about their mums?
If I had a choice between following DH for his career or living with my DC then DH would be in a flat for 1!!

Hbh17 · 09/03/2023 21:16

I have no skin in this game, but surely a parent's life would be improved immeasurably if they could see their child happy, learning, being challenged, making good friends and having lots of opportunities? All that could potentially come from boarding school. Refusing to send a child just because "I'll miss them" strikes me as rather selfish on the part of a parent.

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 21:53

@Hoppinggreen Did you mean to tag me?

QueenWenceslas · 09/03/2023 23:01

Following cos DD is at the local state primary, but is absolutely convinced she’s getting a letter from Hogwarts

Dillydallydilly · 09/03/2023 23:56

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:54

This is the op on another thread

This is a secret fear of mine.. that my DD will get to age 10 and I'll just find her boring and too much of a hassle to be around and want to send her away.

no words

Link pls?

magicthree · 10/03/2023 02:30

Blip · 09/03/2023 06:59

@magicthree that's how boarding school works. The school does take over on discipline - making sure you get up in time for school, that you do your homework and all aspects of behaviour 24/7.
The time you spend at home is holiday time so that tends to be more relaxed and not much discipline required.
My parents had children because they wanted them. They also had very busy lives running businesses. They didn't choose boarding school to reduce their workload and stress at home but this was an obvious result that did make their lives easier.
I hated my day school but really enjoyed boarding school as I could be with my friends all the time and there were loads of great activities after school and at the weekends.

I'm sure you are right, but my opinion has always been that if you want children then you raise them. You don't send them off to someone else to raise, to discipline them, in short to hand over your responsibility to those children to someone else. If people have busy lives running businesses then maybe they shouldn't have children - who after all are supposed to be a very important part of one's life, not something to be handed over to someone else so you can see them now and again and enjoy the fun parts of their lives because you can't be bothered with the more arduous parts.

VanCleefArpels · 10/03/2023 07:26

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 20:27

@VanCleefArpels

So you're saying your husband was military and you followed him and put the kids into boarding school?

No - that was my mum! I totally understand why she didn’t want to be apart from my dad for many months at a time. The principle benefit of being at boarding school for me however was continuity of education which I very much appreciated at the time

louise5754 · 10/03/2023 07:30

But my kids also have continuity and saw me every day.

VanCleefArpels · 10/03/2023 07:53

louise5754 · 10/03/2023 07:30

But my kids also have continuity and saw me every day.

And isn’t it great that we (and our parents) have/ had the chance to choose what suits our / their own family best.

ChunkaMunkaBoomBoom · 10/03/2023 08:00

Friend sent her 10 - absolutely the child choice apparently, which is BS but anyway - she now has tons of free time to work without worrying about school runs, activities etc. she and her DD ‘clashed ‘ a lot so she find her life really improved.
the dad misses the kid but has been told she’s getting the best educAtion and experience, is getting to play her sport every day etc

ChunkaMunkaBoomBoom · 10/03/2023 08:01

‘So you're saying your husband was military and you followed him and put the kids into boarding school?’

this is really common. For officers kids as the tax payer picks up the fees.

Hoppinggreen · 10/03/2023 08:37

louise5754 · 09/03/2023 21:53

@Hoppinggreen Did you mean to tag me?

I did but to just illustrate that even if one parent is military it doesn’t follow that boarding is necessary.

Plirtle · 10/03/2023 08:40

KittyWithStripes · 09/03/2023 19:46

Er, no… it’s the family farm. Third generation.

What on earth do you think “very rural” means? It means farmers! They’re not just living in splendid isolation for the fun of it 🤨

Yes this always makes me cringe for the poster making it so obvious they haven't a clue and presume all people who live very rurally are there for the bantz.