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Boarding school

Connect with fellow parents of boarding school students on our supportive forum. Share experiences, tips, and insights.

Original poster

How has your life improved since you chose boarding school for your DC?

163 replies

MisschiefMaker · 20/02/2023 18:49

Just that really.

In what ways has your life improved since enrolling your DC in boarding school?

Or, if you're an ex boarder, how did your parents and broader family benefit from the decision?

OP posts:
Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 14:55

Thank you @MrsBennetsPoorNerves and @Moonicorn kind words really do help.

I am so sorry to hear that your DH and Dad have suffered @Moonicorn.xx

CouldShouldWont · 23/02/2023 14:56

@Thisthatandanother I’m so sorry to hear that - I’m glad your son is happy now. I’m sure he would want you to forgive yourselves

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 14:57

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:54

This is the op on another thread

This is a secret fear of mine.. that my DD will get to age 10 and I'll just find her boring and too much of a hassle to be around and want to send her away.

no words

Her poor daughter 😢 this has actually really upset me

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 15:00

Agreed

i don’t think the op is a journo

I think she is genuine

and I think she is ghastly about her daughter and in this scenario Op… I really would urge you to consider BS for your daughter asap

MarshaBradyo · 23/02/2023 15:02

Gwen82 · 23/02/2023 14:54

This is the op on another thread

This is a secret fear of mine.. that my DD will get to age 10 and I'll just find her boring and too much of a hassle to be around and want to send her away.

no words

That’s so sad. The poor dd

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 15:09

@Gwen82 we were unaware of how awful things were. We should have known that's our job as parents. My son once told me many boys didn't seem to have anything to miss (at home).
I'm glad he didn't feel that way.

He is a wonderful son and we don't deserve his forgiveness but we have it. We am travelling to the US next week to visit him and his family, we are very lucky.

Unfortunately these schools are always in the news for one reason or another. I sometimes feel I can't escape the place.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 15:10

Thisthatandanother · 23/02/2023 15:09

@Gwen82 we were unaware of how awful things were. We should have known that's our job as parents. My son once told me many boys didn't seem to have anything to miss (at home).
I'm glad he didn't feel that way.

He is a wonderful son and we don't deserve his forgiveness but we have it. We am travelling to the US next week to visit him and his family, we are very lucky.

Unfortunately these schools are always in the news for one reason or another. I sometimes feel I can't escape the place.

Actually, it's for your ds to judge whether or not you deserve his forgiveness, and he clearly feels that you do. If I were you, I would accept and respect his judgement.

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 15:26

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 15:10

Actually, it's for your ds to judge whether or not you deserve his forgiveness, and he clearly feels that you do. If I were you, I would accept and respect his judgement.

Show quote history

I agree. Not boarding school but my mum picked her abusive partner again and again over me. I phoned the police when she was being beaten up and locked in the house, for my mum to tell them I was a fantasist and that I needed sectioning Hmm to which their response was to give her details of a children’s home which she could phone to see if they had a space for me. Eventually said partner was convicted of beating her up in court when she finally ‘saw the light’.

The worst thing for me wasn’t the experience itself, it was the way in which she was always been too proud to apologise or even accept the effect this had on me. As such there’s not been any ‘closure’ and I still feel angry when I think about it.

If you’ve acknowledged you made a mistake and apologised, you’ve basically vindicated his feelings and he will take a LOT of relief from that. Please don’t punish yourself any more.

Firefly2023 · 23/02/2023 15:27

My DC both had an amazing time at boarding school from 13+. It also meant none of us had to spend lots of time in a car in the evenings as all their extra-curricular activities were on site. As a single mother, for me, it meant I could travel for work without worrying about who was looking after my children - the childcare years prior to boarding school had been very stressful.

My DCs could have chosen to come home at any time, but they loved being at school with their friends. They came home most weekends and we enjoyed quality time together. Sometimes they would stay with friends rather than come home but it was always their choice.

Original poster
MisschiefMaker · 23/02/2023 16:02

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 13:24

I would hope that no parent would pack their kids off to boarding school thinking about how they themselves would benefit from it. How sad for the child!

I think family circumstances can play into it a lot, for example military families, families with step parents where there's tension, parents where that work long hours and struggle with childcare etc.

OP posts:
Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 16:04

MisschiefMaker · 23/02/2023 16:02

I think family circumstances can play into it a lot, for example military families, families with step parents where there's tension, parents where that work long hours and struggle with childcare etc.

Show quote history

Both DH and my dad went to boarding school because they were from military families. Still hated it 🤷🏼‍♀️

MissWings · 23/02/2023 16:05

@CouldShouldWont

Boarding for 6th form isn’t really the same as being shipped off at 7 for years though is it?

pinkpirlie · 23/02/2023 16:08

My friend specialises in being a psychologist to people who went to boarding school and are now unable to maintain well-functioning relationships and have all sorts of mental health problems. He's one of many in that field.
I'm sure many people have a great time, but you just never know.

Ladyofthelake53 · 23/02/2023 16:11

Shouldnt be about improving your life, what about your kids lives, what a selfish question

MissWings · 23/02/2023 16:11

@Moonicorn

Same as my dad. It is sometimes assumed that military kids are still protected from the unpleasant effects of boarding school. They’re not.

fleurdelee · 23/02/2023 16:12

Term time hols without the kids

maddy68 · 23/02/2023 16:15

My friend and his brother went to boarding school as his mum had early onset dementia and it made all their lives simpler and less traumatic.

Seems sensible

He says he's glad he went. He enjoyed it and had a more normal childhood as a result. He is very close to his dad so obviously hasn't done any long term damage

Madamecastafiore · 23/02/2023 16:18

DS is a weekly boarder and loves it helps out with the younger kids has lots of mentoring on his CV and time in which he has to study and gets extra help for dyslexia. It's a special sports school so he does that most evenings too. He's v independent and happy there. Off to university and used to living away from us so I think he'll get on fine. They have lessons regarding money management and food budgets etc.

DS boards one night a week and is 9 years old. It's like a sleepover with his friend who as DS is a younger child with a huge age gap so no one left at home. They do baking, play sport and lots of fun activities. We didn't push DS or the friend, they got together and asked if they could board together. Have asked for an extra night next year. Older kids pamper them and they love being known by the older kids and spoken to around the school. Had parents evening last week and they're getting on fine and house mistress said are v well behaved and loving the experience.

We have one night a week with just DH and I at home, don't do anything special and I know I miss both of them but what's important to us is they're happy. If either of them turned round and said they'd prefer not to do it we'd stop it immediately.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/02/2023 16:37

MisschiefMaker · 23/02/2023 16:02

I think family circumstances can play into it a lot, for example military families, families with step parents where there's tension, parents where that work long hours and struggle with childcare etc.

Show quote history

Personally, I would find a way of changing my circumstances rather than sending my dc to boarding school. The only reason I would ever contemplate this would be if I thought it would genuinely benefit the child directly. There are a few circumstances in which I can conceive that this might possibly be the case, but doing it for the convenience or benefit of the parents is utterly wrong in my view.

quietnightmare · 23/02/2023 16:41

Its absolutely wonderful. I get the nanny to drive my children there on a Sunday afternoon and they stay there until Saturday morning when the nanny picks them up, takes them horse riding and out for dinner and usually arrive home around 8pm. Then the nanny will draw them a bath each and then bed. If I am home usually one Saturday a month i may sneak in and kiss the children on their hand while they are asleep and say 'goodnight, mummy loves you' and sneak out.

It has made my life wonderful I no longer have to worry about the nanny doing the school drop offs and pick ups, the nanny going to sporting or musical events and concerts, the worry of nanny sorting dinner or worry about silly sibling arguments which gives the nanny more time to do things for me.

It has allowed me to be the best mother I have ever been I am able to sleep until lunchtime have my daily facial and massage while the nanny cleans the house and prepares my food and gin and tonics. I can go out every night and have a wonderful time until the early hours and be the best version of myself. My children know I am very happy as the nanny tells them and that makes them happy. Also I get the nanny all to myself as not fair for her to only spend time with children which in turn makes her happy too. It's a win win for everyone

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 16:43

@quietnightmare PMSL

3peassuit · 23/02/2023 16:53

My daughter went to boarding school for 6th form. She had a great time and says she would do the same for her children.
At the time I was dealing with my father who was suffering from Alzheimer’s and my younger daughter who had serious health issues. No facials and massages for me I’m afraid.

Original poster
MisschiefMaker · 23/02/2023 17:02

Waspie · 23/02/2023 13:36

Surely the important question is whether your child's life has been improved?

I suppose! but there are many children who don't thrive in a boarding environment yet they end up staying there for many many years despite struggling, so there must be other reasons to send them.

OP posts:
MissWings · 23/02/2023 17:05

@MisschiefMaker

Of course there’s other reasons. They’re children’s homes for the wealthy. Inadequate parents who really shouldn’t have had kids. They relinquish their parenting duties. Doesn’t take a genius to work out.

MissWings · 23/02/2023 17:07

@3peassuit

Oh please, why are people trying to compare boarding at 6th form to being shipped off since the age of 7? Not at all comparable is it?