How has your life improved since you chose boarding school for your DC?

[MisschiefMaker]

Just that really.

In what ways has your life improved since enrolling your DC in boarding school?

Or, if you're an ex boarder, how did your parents and broader family benefit from the decision?

It's a shame the anti boarders can't back off the Boarding School topic. It's not here just so some of you can have a go.

This is it

'It's a shame the anti boarders can't back off the Boarding School topic. It's not here just so some of you can have a go.'

It's a same people who've shunted their kids off to boarding school are so insecure in their choices that they can't hear opposing opinions about boarding school.

'presume all people who live very rurally are there for the bantz.'

There are many, many people who live very rurally who aren't farmers. Most of my family lives rurally without being farmers.

I think this is an open forum and anyone can post what they like, as long as it is within MN Talk guidelines.

If you want to talk exclusively to parents of other boarders, maybe this is not the right forum for doing that?

DH went to boarding school and enjoyed it. He was from a military family and prior to that he was constantly being moved about, was always the new kid which really impacted his ability to make friends, or get involved in clubs or hobbies. Boarding school gave him a load of stability, and friends that lasted into adulthood.

I knew a couple of kids from diplomatic corps families as well who boarded and really appreciated it.

I imagine the parents appreciated being able to hold down their relationship and not spending most of their time apart which does (in my experience) have a high likelihood of leading to divorce.

Absolutely nailed it

The thing is, you have less oversight at BS so it's harder to know whether your DC are getting along well than it is if they're at day school. They might be okay, sure, but if their welfare is the top priority then it's a riskier choice.

Plus, there is a very obvious benefit to keeping them home: boarding school is pricey. So these parents could instead send their DC to a private day school and have extra cash for all sorts of things - anything ranging from extra curriculars for the DC to more household help or holidays. Yet still there are many families that choose boarding.

Which is why I'm curious about what the parents could be getting out of this decision.

Of course they can. But going onto any specialist Mumsnet board and telling people they are doing things wrong when you have no experience of it yourself is a bit rude and pointless.

If you think boarding school parents haven't heard negative comments other than from the Mumsnet boarding school forum you are sadly mistaken. It's just boring. Start a thread in AIBU about boarding maybe?

My life absolutely would improve if I sent the kids off. I'd have tons of freedom overnight. Weekends to ourselves. Could do mini breaks. Travel more for work, get the promotion.
Not have to do homework with them, or make sure they're not on screens too much, or do their laundry, cook their meals, ferry them around to friends or activities.
It'd be great. Almost worth how f-up it leaves most kids.

Outsourcing your kids is probably the one thing ALL parents would find makes loads of difference to their own lives.

Oh - you are so brave, coming onto a specialist board to tell everyone how awful they are! Billy big bollocks!

Of course they can. But going onto any specialist Mumsnet board and telling people they are doing things wrong when you have no experience of it yourself is a bit rude and pointless.

In all fairness we have heard from parents of boarders who regret BS too, it's not just "those with no experience".

Imo open conversation on this topic is healthy. As you can see it's frowned upon by many people to choose BS unless it's for a small list of the 'right reasons' eg specialist schools for the disabled, or military families.

In reality the vast majority of DC in BS don't fall into those categories. So why is it so taboo to discuss the other benefits and downsides to having them half-live away from home?

@MisschiefMaker Out of interest OP, why ask? I thought the advantages of not having kids at home were obvious.

DS in particular we have been relieved and relaxed seeing him thrive at a boarding school. His school were able to offer better bursary support than many, so no, we couldn't have afforded a private day school.

It's been rare for us to go more than 2 weeks without seeing him (and usually he's home at least once every 3 weeks).

As you can see it's frowned upon by many people to choose BS unless it's for a small list of the 'right reasons' eg specialist schools for the disabled, or military families

Oh that's OK then 🙄

I do have some experience, as it happens. Approached for one DC by someone from a prestigious school about an almost fully funded place due to a 'talent' DC as for something. It was VERY briefly discussed between DP and I but we were in agreement that DC was not going to live 400 miles away aged 11 no matter how famous the school or how good the 'opportunity'. We could have had that place for peanuts, and have enough money for other DC to go board at the same place but We didn't have children for someone else to raise them in an institution.

That isn't really experience though is it? Having a chat with someone about a possible scholarship?

I get why it’s tempting though. Could have happily shipped my two off to a gulag this morning!

To be honest I had no idea this was in the Boarding School section. Assumed it was AIBU or Char. It came up on my active threads and I know the military would be mentioned.

@VanCleefArpels
@sunshineandstrawberryjam

I imagine the parents appreciated being able to hold down their relationship and not spending most of their time apart which does (in my experience) have a high likelihood of leading to divorce.

So?

Interesting point. There's a lot of focus on the military in this thread although most children at boarding school aren't in the military, but I think the same logic possibly applies to other families too.

Choosing to have your children at home does take up a lot of time which could potentially impact on your other relationships. Especially if one or both parents work long hours, maybe they need their free time to go towards self care or their spousal relationships. As another PP pointed out (I can't remember who), the children do leave home at 18 anyway so perhaps that isn't the most important relationship to nuture if you're thinking long term.

I also think a lot of the people who really dislike boarding school are working on a pretty outdated notion of what boarding school looks like. In my experience the majority of "full" boarders - so the kids who are there over the weekends - overwhelmingly do have parents abroad. Lots are from military families or diplomatic families or have parents on short term contracts abroad. Then there are a lot of foreign students. Most of the domestic students aren't being sent off for weeks on end - my niece is a day student at a school with boarders and the norm for the boarders is that they are in school Mon-Sat morning and then home for the weekend, or there are a lot who just stay the occasional night, but are at home most nights.

‘Choosing to have your children at home does take up a lot of time which could potentially impact on your other relationships.’

Isn’t that why it’s called ‘family’? You make it sound like it’s the norm NOT to have kids living with their family!

A very good friend of mine lives and works in a well known boarding school, also has house ‘mother’ role in top of teaching, and she says she feels sorry for her charges. Because it doesn’t matter how good the school is, or how nice the staff, they don’t love the children. And that’s what the younger children ( it’s a 11-18 school) need the most. Her ( private) advice to anyone asking about boarding kids - ie to friends or friends of friends- is don’t.
save the money and send the kid to a good day school, pay for childcare, or tutors or activities and clubs, but keep your children with you.