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Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**
1000

JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 05:44

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

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ThatshallotBaby · 26/05/2022 05:47

I’m so so sorry. It’s not your fault. Really it’s not.
I hope everything is ok.Flowers

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ThankyoThingies · 26/05/2022 05:47

I can’t scroll by without posting.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I do hope he improves - it’s all so sad. You have my thoughts today xxxx

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Angrybymyself · 26/05/2022 05:49

I'm so sorry this has happened. Sending hugs. Wish I could do more

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JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 05:50

Thank you thatshallotbaby. I have tried so so hard to be a good mum to him always. He has always been very empathetic and a kind soul - always happy to help others and a quiet one.

Why couldn't I do more for him. I can't lose my beautiful son - I really can't.

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ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 26/05/2022 05:50

We're here with you.

Have you got your girls with you right now?

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heldinadream · 26/05/2022 05:51

Oh love with every fibre of my being I'm hoping for your lovely boy to pull through and to thrive. And please take care of you, too.

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2018SoFarSoGreat · 26/05/2022 05:51

I'm so very sorry @JungleZgok. Your poor boy!

I shall hold your hand if you'd like. I shall sit here quietly, thinking only gentle thoughts, and wishes for a good outcome. 💐

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BeethovenNinth · 26/05/2022 05:53

You are an amazing mum.

but mental health issues can’t always be solved by us mums. It’s so hard. I am thinking of you and so hoping for better news

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JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 05:54

Thank you for your kind words all.

Yes @ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou - my girls and DH are here now but sleeping. DD16 is in the middle of her GSCEs.

I had a doze earlier and when I woke the reality is still here :-(

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NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 26/05/2022 05:54

I'm so sorry to read this. You sound like such a kind and loving and insightful mum. Sending love to you and your family. I hope he comes through xx

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gnatgnu · 26/05/2022 05:54

Oh darling, holding your hand tight and hoping beyond hope for a positive outcome.

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CaptainBeakyandhisband · 26/05/2022 05:54

Heartbreaking. It seems we have a crisis on our hands in terms of young peoples’ mental health. I’m lay here right now with my small boys and when I read things like this I wonder what the future holds and my heart aches. I am thinking of you Flowers

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LetitiaLeghorn · 26/05/2022 05:54

I was similarly ill to him once. The sad fact is that no matter how much you listen, no matter how much you understand, nothing you say will make him change his mind. He's ill, he's not rational and he's not capable of being reasoned with. No one is to blame or could have done things differently.
I hope you get good news soon. x

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Juniper74 · 26/05/2022 05:56

How Heartbreaking, I’m so sorry.
This must be the worst pain imaginable.
Thinking of you and your family xx

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madmumofteens · 26/05/2022 05:56

I'm so very sorry to hear about your son OP 💔 he sounds such a lovely boy! Thinking of you all at this time I hope and pray he pulls through xx

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ThatshallotBaby · 26/05/2022 05:56

You did do enough for him. You did. Don’t lose that, keep your strength. Life is just so bloody hard and unfair.
Sending you the biggest hug.

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goingpearshaped · 26/05/2022 05:57

Hand holding and sending love to you, your DS and your DH and girls. You are an amazing Mum and I am willing all the positives right now.

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MichelleScarn · 26/05/2022 05:59

Oh @JungleZgok I am so sorry you are all going through this, I echo what several posters have said, particularly @LetitiaLeghorn above has said No one is to blame or could have done things differently. thinking of you all.

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1963andbewildered · 26/05/2022 06:05

As a Mum of three , two are boys I just want to reassure you that this hasn’t happened because you have done anything wrong.
Poor MH amongst young people is a massive problem here in the UK .
I send you and your darling son my thoughts and prayers. Talk to him ,stroke his face and arms and keep reminding him how much you love him 💐💕💐

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JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 06:06

@LetitiaLeghorn - thank you for this.

I just wish he could have listened and realised how much he was so very loved and cared for.

He is an intelligent boy and knew somehow to say what he thought people wanted to hear - but his darker conversations were different.

His therapist had said she couldn't continue with him and he was due to see a new one experienced in the therapies she didn't have, and he seemed to be willing to try them out on Monday. Now there's no way he'll be in a fit state to go there.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????

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Roseteacups · 26/05/2022 06:06

So sorry to read this. It is truly heart breaking. Hoping he pulls through and gets the right treatment to help him recover from his mental pain.

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JungleZgok · 26/05/2022 06:10

We are due an update from the Drs this lunchtime. It's touch and go. I don't think I can make any decisions.

I asked the Drs ffs if they could tell his soul was still here....

I'm just so desperate.

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rainbowstardrops · 26/05/2022 06:10

I am so, so sorry. I really hope your lovely boy pulls through Flowers

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craftymadam · 26/05/2022 06:13

I am so sorry to read this. Thinking of you and your lovely DS and hoping you receive some positive news later today

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ChristineCagney11 · 26/05/2022 06:14

Oh my goodness my heart breaks for you.
Unfortunately it's often the most empathetic and kind people that suffer with mental health problems.
Take it from someone who didn't have a very nice mother..you sound like an absolutely amazing mother xx

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