Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

[Lindy2]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I will be thinking of you and wishing you the strength to get through this time.

[PlantingTrees]

It must be the most unimaginable pain for you. Are you allowed to visit?

[CrumpleDink]

Wishing you all the love in the world OP. I’ve Mumsnetted for 20 years and rarely say much, but I’m with you today.

[TeenPlusCat]

[Calminacrisis]

I couldn’t read your post and not comment. I am so very sorry you are all suffering so much and I wish a good outcome for you. You couldn’t have done anything to stop this happening. As another poster said, the most sensitive, empathetic people are often most at risk. With very best wishes

[Vallmo47]

Thinking of you all OP.

[Livebythecoast]

I will be thinking of you today and hoping for a positive outcome for you all ❤

[Fifi0102]

My thoughts and prayers are with your DS and your family. You couldn't have done anything, I've tried to end my life on a few occasions as a teen I just wanted the pain to go away and I wasn't thinking of what my family were going through. I really really hope your DS gets through this .

[Bednobsbroomsticks]

Op. I am thinking of you and your lovely son . He sounds like a sweetheart. The world is hard for sensitive souls. Wishing with everything that he is okay. Xxxxx

[ChristineCagney11]

www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/empaths-and-anxiety#types-of-empathy
Possibly not the time or place for you to be reading anything heavy but this may help you understand.
It's no surprise at all that he wants to help others. What a sweetheart.

[ApolloandDaphne]

I have no words but my thoughts will be with you and your family.

[Bluetrews25]

Sending love and best wishes.

[Cottagepieandpeas]

I'm so sorry to read about your lovely son. Sending positive thoughts to you, your son and the rest of your family x

[Palmtree9]

I am so sorry. Don't feel you have to stay strong, if you want to scream/cry/shout then let it all out.

You said your daughter is in her GCSEs now? Contact the school, either tutor or exams officer, and let them know the situation. There is an extenuating circumstances form, for when students don't perform at their best, which is sent off to the exam boards. We've done this for our students in previous years.

I very much hope your DS will be ok

[ZooMount]

I'm so sorry to read this, my thoughts are with you all. He sounds like a wonderful caring boy. I hope he pulls through 💐

[cafenoirbiscuit]

Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry. When you’re that low you feel you’d be doing everyone a favour if you weren’t there- even though those around you say otherwise. Keep talking - you’re a great mum but get support for yourself too xx

[NC1010]

Oh OP.
You sound like such a kind and gentle wonderful mum. None of this is your fault. But with your own children you just want to take every fear and pain away and sometimes it's just not possible to, and it goes against every fibre in our bodies.
Hoping and praying your dear boy pulls through. Sending so much love and strength

[BritInUS1]

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know I am here for you.

You sound like an amazing Mum, and an amazing family. I wish I had grown up in such a supportive household.

As others have said your son is ill, these actions are part of the illness, they are not because any of you did anything, or didn't do enough.

I will keep everything crossed for you that your son pulls through x

[ImWithMuriel]

Sending you so much love. Will be thinking of you.

[generalh]

❤

[Pillowcase8]

I’m so so sorry to read this, my heart breaks for you. I am thinking of you all and pray that he will be ok.

[LakieLady]

My heart goes out to your son and all your family. You're in my thoughts, and I'm willing him well.

[EarringsandLipstick]

I'm so sorry OP💐

[daretodenim]

I'm so sorry OP.

You sound like a warm and loving mother - a family. You did nothing at all wrong.

Something I heard that helped describe how it felt to me was this. All the love in the world can be around you, you can hear the words of love, but you can't feel the warmth from them. It's like facing the sun and feeling no warmth from it.

You are are his sun. His depression blocked the warmth.

Is there any chance of a piece of toast and cup of tea? You don't need to feel like eating but you need to keep your strength up, not least for DS. You don't want to be feeling faint later when talking to the dr.

Big hand hold JungleZgok.

[Letsgoforaskip]

Sending you all so much love ❤️
I was once told that you can’t stop someone who’s falling and it’s heartbreakingly true. This is no one’s fault and your love shines through. I wish your kind boy and all of you strength and hope.