Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

I am not well so not very articulate today but I just wanted to say what a lovely Mum you are and to give you a big hug. I feel your pain. I’ve been in a similar situation but with my brother. x

Also sending you,your son and your family my thoughts and love.xxx

Im just so sorry this has happened to you.

Could Mumsnet allow this thread to run over ? Is that possible?
There's so many wishes and beautiful messages from posters and the op may not be in a frame of mind to set up a new thread if she wishes.

Oh OP, my heart is breaking for you all xx

I’ve thought about you and this thread all day. I read it this morning. I feel so much for you and my words really aren’t enough. Sending so much, so much love.

Thinking of you all. You're a wonderful mum 💖

You’ve all been on my mind today, and you will be for days and weeks to come.
Sending love

Yes.or could someone set up a new thread and or mumsnet get in touch with her to let her no what happened so she doesn't think her thread just disappeared,or people stopped.letting her no when and if she's ready to come and seek whatever she needs from us as we are all here ready to enfold.

She won't think it's disappeared it'll show up in her 'threads I'm on' and she'll see its full

Personally I think its inappropriate for anyone to start a 2nd thread on her behalf.

She can come back & see the comments, she may not want to post but I think it should be her choice as to whether a 2nd thread is needed

Oh darling, my thoughts are with you. It’s not enough but am sending you every bit of airway love and hoping it gets through.

I can’t begin to imagine the pain and sadness you are going through. But my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and a huge deeply felt hug. I wish I could give it to you personally. Wishing you my very best wishes.

NC as a little identifying. Much love OP. Just so devastating. My own May 2004 DS is struggling so much right now. It feels like a MH epidemic is engulfing our amazing, kind, empathetic young men. I love him so much as you do yours. Every word you write shines that out. Why can't our unending and uncondional love save them. I don't know and I despair. Thank you for sharing in your hardest time. I am so frightened too.

I am so very sorry.

Thinking of you and your family. Sending strength at this difficult time.

There's a thread that has 1025 posts at the mo.
Op I've had you all in my thoughts since you posted. Hope you're doing as well as possible xx

Thinking of you and your family, I'm so sorry you are all going through this. You sound like a wonderful Mum xox

My heart is broken for you and your boy. I wish I could find the right words but nothing seems enough. I am so so sorry 💙

I'm so so sorry for you all .
Thinking of your family and sending love x

I'm so so sorry for you all .
Thinking of your family and sending love x

Thank you lovely sweet caring amazing Mumsnettters. It's been a verrryyy long day. As the sunsets tonight on my DS, it's comforting to know that Mumsnet has been there for my son - like the NHS - from cradle to grave.

I know during the pandemic, our great nation cheered for the NHS staff. The staff who have been by my son's bedside and beside each of my family have been amazing and have never once treated him any differently from other patients in ICU. I don't know all their names but you guys are WONDERFUL - and all the words in the English dictionary which define that! Sending the NHS a big cheer from us again.

What has brought my family such comfort is that tomorrow my DS will have an operation that will mean he will make a difference in so many future lives through his organ and tissue donation. The staff have said given his age and circumstances he's going to help so many people. DD2 explained it as like the butterfly effect - where the beat of a single butterfly can cause a tsunami on the other side of the world, or like when you throw a pebble in the middle of a lake and the many concentric circles it creates growing and reaching out the ends. I know my beautiful DS would have loved that as he always wanted to help others.

I haven't read all the messages still. But wanted to say thank you. Please @ImaniMumsnet/Mumsnet can we move this thread to another board and let me know which one? I'd like it to be somewhere where my DDs and DH can read through them when they are ready. The lovely Mumsnetter posts all gave me such comfort and support during the most difficult time of my life. I'd like all your words to help my family and maybe others too in the future.

This is my last post on this board for now. I'm going to move over to another board where hopefully I can find solace and comfort and help from others who have suffered. I will, under a different name, also find time to visit other boards to hopefully help others too. xxxx

What a beautiful amazing post OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and thankful for this positive side to MN, that it can or

• provide comfort in this time of great anguish & pain 💙

• provide comfort in this time of great anguish & pain 💙