DH committed suicide on Saturday, rang Samaritans, not helped.

[RubbishMantra]

Anyone there? I 'm a bit done in. We'd been married less than 2 years. I got him a dollar bill folded into an origami carp for our 1st anniversary. He hanged himself. We didn't have DCs, but we have 2 beautiful cats. Sister flying in tomorrow. I don't know how he could leave me and our 2 little lads (cats)

Oh Mantra I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do you have people around you at the moment? I'm glad your DSis will be with you soon

I'm so sorry for your loss, words are not enough but hear as a shoulder.????????

I don't have any advice but please know that I am thinking of you. Have you eaten anything? Take everything a few minutes at a time. Perhaps A cup of tea with sugar and a small snack is a good start.

I'm so sorry for your loss RubbishMantra. There truly are no words other than that.

I'm glad your sister is coming to be with you and I hope that she will be able to provide you with the hugs and a shoulder that you so need right now.

Please don't think of how he could leave you and your cats; it is highly likely that he had regressed to a point in his mind where he thought it best for all. I am not claiming to understand the thought process, just speaking as someone who has experienced similar loss.

Please look after yourself and know that plenty of folk will be along, able to identify with the whole range of emotions that accompany such a loss very soon.

Sending the hugest virtual hug possible. Your shock and sadness must feel overwhelming. I'm hoping your kitty boys are curled up with you right now. They will know you need their comfort. I wil hold you in my thoughts...xx

Thank you best. I am making friends with liquor and fags. I'm just careering from wtf and wtaf and how dare he, and wtf was he going through.

It's all so recent, it's an awful thing to be going through. If you need to vent, we're here to listen. What your going through is so normal, the questions are the worst. You will get through this.

Thank you, all of you. I'm overwhelmed that people on the internet, who don't know me, can be so fucking lovely.

The kitties - one (the angry bloke) is curled up next to me. The youngest is playing up because he doesn't understand why his Dad's not here. But thank the bejeezus for cats.

See, they took him off one of his meds, we managed to get that particular med re-instated. So why didn't dh give it perhaps a day or 2?

So sorry for your loss. This is one of the hardest things you can ever go through. You need to do whatever you have to to get through the next days/weeks/months. Sending you love

I hear your WTF. There's no reason good enough is there

These people are very good , if you feel like talking . The volunteers on the phone line are all family members who have lost someone in the same way

uk-sobs.org.uk

So they had just changed his meds and he didn't even give it a chance to work ?

As Stacey has pointed out, UK Survivors of Bereavement are excellent, please do think about contacting them. How awful with the meds situation. I'm sorry you're hurting and glad you have your cats to give you cuddles.

No Stacey, He didn't. I wish I could grab him and shake him, and say Just give it another day FFS! I work on the fringes of MH. I saw the signs, and for the last few months was his wife, best mate and counsellor. He was also seeing a UKCP counsellor.

Bloody stupid really

I remember sitting at the funeral wanting to shout " if you weren't dead I'd bloody kill you "

I am so sorry for you mantra - I have no words of comfort that will help you but I truly hope your sister helps you and gives you some kind of peace to talk things through with her.

I'm so sorry x

I hear you Stacey That's how I feel.

How long's it been for you?

I'm so sorry.

Oh honey. I'm so sorry
He would have thought he was doing the right thing when people are ill that is their thought process.
I have at your posts about your adorable cats. I'm sure they're missing their dad, they need you to be strong
if you want it too.
And unmumsnetty hugs.

So very sorry.

I'm so very sorry

18 months . But it wasn't anyone as close, it was My DIL. She and our son had just split up . It's devastating I know , but it was a permanent solution to a temporary problem

So it's her parents who should be angry , not me . I'm sure they are . They won't have anything to do with us , of course, as they blame Ds for what happened . Understandable really

Mantra - why the carp ? Was he a fisherman ?

First anniversary is paper, but yes, why a carp?

Bless you and Madame ButterflyCat. You've all made me weep a bit. How can perceived strangers on the internet give so much kindness. x

I'm sure if you keep posting, people will chat while you're waiting for your sister to arrive - or until the liquor allows you to sleep x