Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

DH committed suicide on Saturday, rang Samaritans, not helped.

981 replies

RubbishMantra · 04/08/2015 03:16

Anyone there? I 'm a bit done in. We'd been married less than 2 years. I got him a dollar bill folded into an origami carp for our 1st anniversary. He hanged himself. We didn't have DCs, but we have 2 beautiful cats. Sister flying in tomorrow. I don't know how he could leave me and our 2 little lads (cats)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
moggiek · 04/08/2015 22:45

So sorry, Mantra. Thinking of you.

cozietoesie · 04/08/2015 22:54

Maybe go back to Corygal's post at 12.25, Mantra? That struck a chord with me and I think might with you as well over the next few days.

There's a lot of love being sent to you anyway. Many, many people are holding you in their thoughts tonight.

BagelwithButter · 04/08/2015 23:05

Yes, being with people, even if they're friends, is totally exhausting. If they're good friends, they'll understand and the rest, if they don't understand, can just piss off. They might not "get it" but when you're stronger, you can discuss it with them. For now, you need to think of yourself.

Your DH sounds like a lovely, warm person. Very sorry that the Samaritans weren't helpful. You could try the SANE helpline (0300 304 7000) or this

A friend of mine has found WAY very helpful (as has been mentioned already)

You KNOW you can come on here whenever you want... some of us are here in the wee small hours when you've smoked far too many cigs and need a chat.

RoosterCogburn · 04/08/2015 23:08

I find other people exhausting at the best of times and you must be drained at the moment.

I hope you are snuggling up with your lovely cats. As others have said people will be willing to listen or chat whenever you need them.

Thinking of you tonight.

BagelwithButter · 04/08/2015 23:08

YY to Cory's post of 12.25 - definitely stuck a chord, very good advice

Strawberriez · 04/08/2015 23:15

So very sorry for your loss ????

Ohfourfoxache · 05/08/2015 00:37

Oh Mantra Sad

I'm so, so sorry. You don't deserve to be going through this. Your dh didn't deserve to go through what he did Sad

There just aren't the words, I'm so sorry xx

KiwiJude · 05/08/2015 06:37

So sorry Mantra.

PolterGoose · 05/08/2015 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndyWarholsOrange · 05/08/2015 08:38

So sorry Mantra Suicide leaves such a trail of devastation. I hope your furry babies are looking after you. My own experience of this was a long time ago but I vividly remember the awful swinging between anger and guilt. Look after yourselfFlowers

chockbic · 05/08/2015 11:55

How are you getting on? Hope your sister is with you.

We're here if you want to talk Flowers

paulapompom · 05/08/2015 13:00

Mantra** so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I also agree that what coreygal said may help. As one who knows, depression/suicidal thoughts have everything to do with illness and nothing to do with wanting to leave loved ones.

From what you've said you sounded like soul mates. You are doing well to keep going and keep looking after your boys (I'm a cat lover too).

Hope your sister has arrived by now, but don'twworry about telling people you cant talk to them/need to talk to them, whatever, They will understand.

Thinking of you Flowers

CatMilkMan · 05/08/2015 15:09

I hope you know you can come back and talk/vent any time.

Original poster
RubbishMantra · 06/08/2015 08:54

Sister's here and I've been an utter dick to her. I can't seem to hold the rage in. I want to rage at him, but he's not here to rage at. Why didn't he just wait? Why was suicide an easier or better option than just saying to me "Mantra, I feel like shit" Looking back, there were clues. I'm a trainee counsellor ffs. I should've realised. I kept ringing them and asking for help, but they said "ah, wait a few days". I should've been louder.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 06/08/2015 08:57

Mantra, please go easy on yourself with all the 'should'. There's no way you could possibly have known he would do this. Your rage is completely understandable. I'm so very sorry Flowers

CatMilkMan · 06/08/2015 08:59

I agree with Lotta, "should have" may look obvious now but you just didn't know.
I'm sure your sister understands

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/08/2015 09:06

Mantra - please please stop beating yourself up. Yes he could have said that he felt like shit, and yes it sounds like the doc/health service let him down, but ultimately it was still his choice to do what he did. :( :(

You do need to let the rage out. If you're still in training, do you have a tutor who you could rage at? Or in fact your own counsellor (or have you not reached that stage yet?) You need an outlet for the entirely understandable rage.

I too am sure your sister understands, but in fairness to her, you need to rage at someone better trained to deal with it (Unless she happens to be a bereavement counsellor). Have you contacted CRUSE at all? that might be an idea if you have no other counselling options.

paulapompom · 06/08/2015 09:14

I'm sure your sister can understand you are not your normal self, she's there to support you, she's not going to take offence. Of course you are going to feel angry, but you did everything you could and there was no way to know he was actually going to do it. Yes you are a counsellor, but you also loved him, and I'm sure you gave every support anyone could want. But as I'm sure you know, Depression/suicidal thoughts are irrational.

I would never say don't be angry, but try not to be angry at yourself.

Sometimes letting the anger out physically is a bit of a release, beat the sh*t out of a pillow, scream at the top of your voice.

Try to be kind to yourself, eat when you feel you can, and cuddle them two little lads. Mantra you are doing really well to keep going FlowersBrewWine x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/08/2015 09:36

Your sister's there to support you, am sure she steels herself knowing you are in pain and that you would do the same for her.
Feeling angry is better than numbness. Let it out.

cozietoesie · 06/08/2015 10:19

You're thinking more or less rationally, Mantra - he wasn't. He was ill and he just acted.

How are the voddy and fags doing? (And are you getting any physical exercise at all?)

Ephelant · 06/08/2015 10:24

Mantra just want to say I'm so so sorry this had happened. I can't even imagine. Your description of when you went fishing together has made me tear up. What an awful thing. Sending you many hugs and FlowersFlowersFlowers

fenneltea · 06/08/2015 12:43

I've no words of wisdom to offer, but I know from reading your posts that you are a lovely compassionate person, and I know that you will get through this. I can only say how very sorry I am for your loss, suicide is never an easy thing to understand, but none of it was your fault.

Please take care of yourself and those lovely cats, I will be thinking of you. Flowers

ninetynineonehundred · 06/08/2015 12:49

It's such early days mantra .
There is no wrong way to feel and it's very normal to feel angry. Your sister will understand that it's not her that you are angry with.

Mimigolightly · 06/08/2015 12:50

I'm so sorry you're going through this and cannot imagine how you must feel.

Cuddle your furry babies lots, they will be a great comfort.

Sending you Flowers,Cake, Brew and lots of hugs.

RattleAndRoll · 06/08/2015 12:56

I am so sorry.
I really don't have any helpful advice or words of wisdom, I'm just so sorry this had happened. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like, when you have so many questions and can't find the answers, like this.
We're all here for you. You are not alone. Keep posting. We'll listen.

Your cats sound fabulous btw.

Swipe left for the next trending thread