it's not a tiny minority is it

[noddyington]

I do not know any women who have not had something bad or intimidating happen to them in their lifetime. Whether that be cat calling, followed, talked down to, pushed out of spaces, pushed over for promotion, assaulted, stalked, raped or murdered.

I do not know any women who have not changed their behaviour to try and keep themselves safe. It might be walking with keys between their fingers, getting a taxi when they'd rather walk, covering their drink when they are at a bar, not responding when a guy intimidates/heckles at them because it's safer, run or jog in groups, don't wear headphones walking late a night.........

AIBU to say that it's not a tiny minority of men is it?

Both things can be true.

A tiny minority of men can be gross. And a big proportion of women can be victims of it.

If you think of all the opportunities for men to be gross or lecherous or criminal against women it will be hundreds of times a day. Every time they encounter a woman in public (for the pests) every time they encounter their spouse or daughter (for the abusers), every woman they meet at work (for the misogynists), every woman in the bar ... And so on.

Potentially 1000 unpleasant contacts a year, from the annoying (pesting, catcalling, mansplaining) to the criminal. And the most awful will take EVERY. SINGLE. CHANCE.

So statistically a tiny proportion of men can inflinct an awful lot of damage. Both to the women they encounter/live with/work with AND to the reputation of their fellow men. The very vast majority of whom are not awful pests.

Because we're not as civilised as we think. Until recent times it was normal for men to take what they want from women with force. It still is in many places. They're genetically wired to do this, it's just our society that makes it unacceptable.
Wait until the lights go out for a few days and see how fragile this little bubble we live in actually is.

I think a lot of men have generationally been taught, (or not taught?) how to express any emotion easily other than anger. Like any emotional response that's negative or difficult is seen as weakness unless it's expressed as anger or aggression.

I think men are also fiercely competitive against each other and often sadly have seen women as prizes or possessions to compete with other men for. They therefore have a warped view of women, assuming we are comfortable being treated as commodities in some cases. Because it suits their narrative.

It also means they don't trust each other enough to talk honestly about their problems or struggles. Leading to more pent up aggression.

I think the problem is even the decent, reliable men we all know and think we can trust can turn in an instant and murder, assault or rape a woman. They’re all capable. Yes, women are too but they’re far less likely to ever do it than men statistically speaking. Women shouldn’t intrinsically trust any male as a result. It’s sad because I look to my sons and don’t want to ever feel this way about them but some sons do indeed murder their mothers.

It’s always a risk for women and always something we have to consider. It’s there in the back of your mind when you’re out walking alone, or at least it is mine. My DH has never had these thoughts and was shocked when I told him I did. He didn’t consider this is a normal part of life for women. When I’m out alone I weigh up every man I pass or see. I have to make a snap judgement on how trustworthy I find them. I don’t feel this way with women.

I used to think it was a tiny minority. I don't think that any more.

This is a very powerful image but it’s technically not correct. Yes, men no doubt commit the vast majority of sex crimes but there’s still a percentage of women who do too. So, it’s mostly but, not always men. Not quite as catchy a slogan however.

Some stats.

1 in 4 women have been raped or sexually assaulted since the age of 16

(England and Wales)

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/

RAINN is US based, so caveat. But still perhaps useful - larger datasets in a larger country:

89% of victims of reported rape are girls & women.

76% of reported rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim already knew.

https://rainn.org/get-informed/sexual-violence-statistics/

Some UN stats:

https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2013/9/half-of-men-report-using-violence-and-a-quarter-perpetrate-rape-according-to-un-survey

'An unprecedented UN study of 10,000 men in Asia and the Pacific, released today, found that, on average, half of those interviewed reported using physical and/or sexual violence against a female partner, ranging from 26 per cent to 80 per cent across nine sites studied in six countries (Bangladesh, Cambodia, China, Indonesia, Sri Lanka and Papua New Guinea). Nearly a quarter of the men interviewed reported raping a woman or girl. ' (2013)

God forbid we look too hard at the 99% of perpetrators who are male, eh?

I also suspect testosterone is at the root of violence. Also society encouraging male superiority.
When men have their testosterone blocked when they have prostate cancer it can cause both physical and mental health problems such as cardiovascular and metabolic disease, and osteoporosis. Mentally it can cause depression, memory problems and mood swings. It also tends to kill off any sex drive they have. I’m not sure it would make them nicer people.
There has been talk of treating sex offenders with testosterone blockers but I’m not sure it would get approved because of the potentially serious side effects which aren’t always reversible.

I assume you are aware of the Russell Brand conviction and now the allegations about David Walliams who both went as far as gagging women with NDAs and legal documents. Perhaps let people air concerns and if the thread offends you report it. It has been harrowing listening yet again as a man has abused his position to assault women.

Maybe your boredom on this topic needs to reflect on the reality of what has been in the media this week and last.

I am also aware women commit crimes against men as well. Neither is right. I also think porn is a massive issue.

I don't know a single women who hasn't been harrassed, scared, groped, coerced into sex, assaulted, raped (all different degrees of the same behaviour) by a man at some point. I was never very cool or especially attractive, and think I have led a pretty charmed life, but I woke up at 2am this morning, aged 54, remembering the time I met a post-doc student at an event and made the mistake of being kind and talking to him because he was on his own. He insisted on walking home with me, and forced his way into my room. He kept putting his hand on my crotch and trying to kiss me, and he only went away eventually after I got pretty cross (and scared). I reported him to the university, and a male lecturer in his dept invited me to a meeting (just him and me) where he explained that if I were to make an official complaint the university would take it very seriously, but you know, he is young and brilliant in his field, this could end his career, there are cultural differences, he will be spoken to and it won't happen again etc. Of course I let it drop, and of course I found out later he did do it again. Every single woman I know has a story like this, or worse. So no, it's not all men, but it is at least a sizeable minority.

Have you ever read the comments on these articles? So many men comment to say they would have loved those teachers to assault them as children.

That’s not my point and they deserve all the scrutiny. I’m pointing out that ‘it’s always men’ is incorrect.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/sexualoffencesinenglandandwalesoverview/yearendingmarch2025

'The Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) provides the best measure of victimisation and estimated that 1.9% of people (3.0% of females and 0.7% of males) aged 16 years and over were victims of sexual assault (including attempts) in year ending (YE) March 2025 survey; this equates to around 900,000 people (739,000 females and 162,000 males).

Approximately 15.9% of people aged 16 years and over (7.7 million) had experienced sexual assault (including attempts) since the age of 16 years; 1.9 million (4.0%) were a victim of rape (including attempts), 7.3% of females (1.8 million) and 0.5% of males (129,000).'

I am only pointing out that ‘it’s always men’ is factually incorrect.

okay, yes, well done, we know.

1% of sexual assaults are committed by women.

If we can’t call out the problem because it hurts some men’s feelings we will never protect women and children

I don’t think anyone has said it’s always men, it’s almost always men though and obviously only men can rape.

Can you explain why this is ridiculous? Its had plenty of likes. And I wasn't the first one on this thread to suggest medicating men who can't control themselves. We have to do something.

Germaine Greer - "Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.”
The Female Eunuch (1970)

@Hiredgun if you have a beef with the stats or the attitude to men why not start a thread with your opinions in it?

https://forwomen.scot/05/02/2025/rules-of-misogyny/

Rule 10, but most of the others apply, too.

10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

I've been thinking a lot during the RB case about people always saying "rape isn't about sex it's about power/control" and I actually think that's overly simplistic. The point for many seems to be that the two are intertwined: that they get a sexual thrill out of exerting power or control. And the hatred is tied up with sex and control too, seeing women as the 'gatekeepers' of sex and that they shouldn't be allowed that autonomy.

Perhaps you do but the person who created and posted that image appears not to.