it's not a tiny minority is it

[noddyington]

I do not know any women who have not had something bad or intimidating happen to them in their lifetime. Whether that be cat calling, followed, talked down to, pushed out of spaces, pushed over for promotion, assaulted, stalked, raped or murdered.

I do not know any women who have not changed their behaviour to try and keep themselves safe. It might be walking with keys between their fingers, getting a taxi when they'd rather walk, covering their drink when they are at a bar, not responding when a guy intimidates/heckles at them because it's safer, run or jog in groups, don't wear headphones walking late a night.........

AIBU to say that it's not a tiny minority of men is it?

Nature Nurture

Do we grow them or raise them. That is the question.

I think it’s a small minority yes, women keep themselves safe not as every man is a risk, but because one could be,

but there is a huge variation in your list, from cat calling to the glass ceiling,

@noddyington I do not know any women who have not had something bad or intimidating happen to them in their lifetime.

It's not a minority of women, but it is a tiny minority of men.

The mistake that people make is thinking it's a 1:1 statistical relationship. That's clearly not correct.

It's not one man who harms one woman - it's a tiny number of men who are choosing to inflict pain and suffering on lots and lots of women.

I do not know any women who have not changed their behaviour to try and keep themselves safe.

Strangely, there are some women insisting that cities are safe and they can walk anywhere they want at night. I can't understand that at all.

I think it is quite clear that there are many thugs who are not cultured, and who do not understand this country's values, which now mean that it is not safe to walk through a city at night time.

As a teen I was a stripper in Greece and it permanently changed my view of men.

The past few weeks have made me look back at my life and I have almost lost count of the things that have happened to me at the hands (and sometimes quite literally) of men. Things that when i was a young woman weren't even counted as sexual assault like having my breasts grabbed in the street or being grabbed and forcibly kissed by a strange man at gig, it was just something that women were meant to put up with. I have been diagnosed with CPSTD as a result of childhood sexual abuse and a number of other traumatic life events and it's all because of bloody men, I don't like or trust any of them unless I have known them for years and even then if I heard something concerning about one of them i would be sad but not especially shocked. I hate feeling this way and try hard to moderate and deconstruct my predjudices against men because it is not the person I want to be. However it's not easy. I was seriously sexually assalted by a stranger on my way home from work, it was just afer the clocks had gone back and so this time of year is challenging for me, I never go out after dark unless i am with someone, and while i am so much better than I used to be, it has changed me forever.

I genuinely don’t know a single woman -working, middle or upper class- who has not been at least sexually assaulted by a man/men.
Not a single one.
My own daughter had her breasts grabbed at a Yungblud concert when she was 15. That’s how it starts.
Every Woman.
It happens to the vast majority of us -and we live in a country where apparently women have rights!
And to my horror there are STILL men & women pushing for ‘trans rights’ to force us to have men in womens spaces.
I don’t go out much now -about 10% of the ammount I used to. That’s because of all of the men out there. Everywhere is so busy because we have far too many people here and there are so many more men from countries where women have no rights.
It makes me incredibly sad and I worry incessantly for my poor daughter.

@noddyington no, it’s not a tiny minority. It’s the majority -as in over 50%- in my opinion.
How many of us have had friends husbands come onto us? Push themselves into us when we haven’t done anything to encourage it.
I used to say I’m coming back as a lesbian. Frankly, I dont want to come back at all.

I think it's very likely that a minority (but not a 'tiny minority) of men are committing the majority of the worst examples of this. But I believe that the idea a tiny minority of men are responsible for sexual assaults/sexual violence/other inappropriate and intimidating actions towards women has come about because lots of men do not recognise that there is anything wrong with their actions and many people are happy to overlook/excuse inappropriate actions from someone they are close to. There are lots of very valid reasons why women don't want to 'make a fuss' or report these actions so all too often the men continue, unchallenged, to believe that they are one of the 'good guys'.
I think this goes some way to explaining why almost every woman has at least one story of a time when a man (often one she knew) behaved inappropriately (at least) towards her but almost no men believe that they have ever behaved inappropriately.

I have no data to support this (would be very interested to hear if there is any) but this is based on my own experience, and that of women I know. This includes several women who have been forced or coerced in to sex by men who comment about other men being 'creepy' etc and have an image of being lovely, respectful men. My latest, minor, personal experience of this (I am in my 50s now) was a male acquaintance in his 70s walking behind me in to a meeting of volunteers and making a comment along the lines of 'Ooh, you look sexy from behind'. Apparently this was 'just his way' and intended as a light hearted joke- how could it be anything else when his wife was nearby? He's a lovely bloke who does lots in the community so nothing to see here.

this is very accurate

this country's culture is also sexist and dangerous for women.

Not least because of the propensity for drink-fuelled violence.

In fact, I'd suggest tackling alcohol might have a huge impact on MVAWG.

Being a stripper would do that, regardless of where you are.

YANBU OP.

Agree 100%, and I'm gobsmacked that 10% of posters think YABU.

Must be men. I can't see how ANY woman can disagree with you @noddyington

I think the issues OP is considering is the entire man problem - the patriarchy that uses women in porn, in work, in family life then creates a legal system where most men will get off without a conviction when they abuse a woman.

Clearly most men view porn, so a lot of women suspect most men would look the other way if they saw abuse, because they already choose to watch it for fun.

Bloody hell. I'm so sorry.

@noddyington "Why though? Why do men hate women so much."

I don't think it is about hate (although obviously in some cases it really is). It's simply because they can. They are far stronger than us and have acquired the upper hand. They can push, shove, humiliate and toy with us as they see fit. And for millennia they have been accustomed to doing so. It's just as much second nature to them as breathing. Men are also strongly driven by sex to a degree that most women are not, nor would care to comprehend. It's one of their primary thoughts and motivations. So they have a class of weaker "subordinates" to gratify them at some level or other with (at least hitherto) almost total impunity.

I’ll just leave this here.

What surprised me about 'me too' was how many men said they had no idea.

We live in different worlds, really.

The opposite is happening - they are taking it and increasing it.

I read a book recently which said that part of the problem with our politics is that too many men are taking too much testosterone. It made a lot of sense to me.

I remember the cat calling when I went past building sites but I genuinely can't remember ever being assaulted. When I was at university the guys would walk you home and there was no tension - they just said bye and went onto their own house/halls. Men seem to be worse now than they were in the 90s. Probably partly social media but possibly also the testosterone.

Easy enough now to learn that you’re talking complete and utter nonsense.

I very much remember as a teen knowing you were never ever to talk to men about how men treated women. We were mean to act like it was fine and we were cool with it all and that would attract a man far more than the "damaged goods" label. I know one woman who was married for 12 years and had 2 kids but never told her husband she had been raped at Uni because she thought it would make her less attractive to him. Very sad.

Someone posted a horrifying study on socials today (A 2026 study by O’Sullivan and Ronis surveyed 2,689 anonymous men aged 18 to 34 in the United States and Canada and found that 95.1% reported using at least one strategy to obtain sex from a woman who did not want it or had not consented) which would suggest that (when it is anonymous) it is a LARGE number of men and not the tiny percentage that women like to tell themselves. I dont know if its innate or socialised into them but a significant number of men hate women and an even larger number of them feel superior to us.

Quite. Just as Jonathan Ross has done today about RB and DW. I wonder if he would have felt the same if his daughters had been targeted?

Part of the issue is though - where do you report this. The ‘talent’ matters as it equals profit.

No. It’s absolutely not a minority.

No it isn't a small minority if it was not so many of us would have suffered at the hands of men

Its too many men

I loath the term its not all men, so fucking what its too many and that's this issue not that some men are decent

Not for long if they get cancelled and thrown in jail. Not the best long term plan people who supported them had when deciding to hide their behaviours.

I also loathe women who enable said men.