it's not a tiny minority is it

[noddyington]

I do not know any women who have not had something bad or intimidating happen to them in their lifetime. Whether that be cat calling, followed, talked down to, pushed out of spaces, pushed over for promotion, assaulted, stalked, raped or murdered.

I do not know any women who have not changed their behaviour to try and keep themselves safe. It might be walking with keys between their fingers, getting a taxi when they'd rather walk, covering their drink when they are at a bar, not responding when a guy intimidates/heckles at them because it's safer, run or jog in groups, don't wear headphones walking late a night.........

AIBU to say that it's not a tiny minority of men is it?

Our systems are patriarchal and by definition- oppressive.
men benefit from our formal and informal subjugation

It is a minority. I really don't think people want to go down this path of blaming everyone for the actions of a few. When we do that, history shows us it ends terribly.

FFS That’s some whataboutery! If you were to ask ChatGPT for a list of male sex offenders the list would be endless.

The data I'm referring to includes research as well as court stats. And yes, I'm well aware of the points you make.

Because we are better than men and they know it in their heart of hearts- much easier to oppress and denigrate than to accept you are inherently inferior.

I've been thinking about this recently. I think you have a point. Me and my friends have all been sexually assaulted. I was raped whilst really drunk years ago by my brother's friend. I was at home and he must have let himself in. I blamed myself because I was so drunk. Never imagined to ring the police as I thought I'd get told it was my fault-the shame of it all. Men like this sometimes go after vulnerable people as they can't fight back or less likely to do anything. A close family member got battered and nearly drowned by a partner. I'm not a man hater, but by Christ, as women, we do have to be careful. Whereas men less so I should imagine.

As a man ,I certainly don't but even though I grew up with 3 brothers and 'just' one sister the females in our family were all powerful ' can do' people. Our fathers sister for example ran her own chimney sweeping business, taking the tools of her trade with her via a motorbike and sidecar.

You’re quite correct but to say it’s ‘always men’ is simply not true and dismissive of the victims of female perpetrators.

The statistics and numerous studies prove that violence is overwhelmingly a male problem.

95% of all violent crime is carried out by men. So the inference that women are as bad as men is just untrue.

As for blaming groups, I’m afraid men is one group where you can blame them. Dog owners only have the fact they have a dog in common. By contrast, men share biology, Identity and social conditioning that means there are many reasons why they can have many other shared behavioural traits.

Show me somewhere, anywhere, you have raised the issue of female violence against men, when it hasn’t been on the back of a question about male violence against women. For something that is so important, and apparently never talked about, it is raised with relentless monotony whenever anyone talks about women being abused.

Eugenics is alive and well in 2026 !

I used to think it was a tiny minority of men who were like this,but over the last 5 years or so,I have realised that it is actually a tiny minority who are NOT like this. Even men who proclaim themselves to be 'feminists' usually slip up somewhere along the line.

Women are not 'better' than men and vice versa . We all have our strengths and weaknesses and should celebrate our differences. Mums and dads both need to make sure our kids don't grow up with sexist views

Just watch the stats there...you may be right in that 95% of violence is carried out by males but did you realise the majoity of that violence is directed towards other males ?

I’ve got a male friend, someone I’ve known since school, so over 40 years. He’s someone I’d class as a ‘good’ man, good father to his kids, good husband to his wife, good friend to his friends. I’ve spent time alone with him and never felt uncomfortable or threatened. I’ve never heard any other women we both know complain about him.

But I’ve heard him say a few inappropriate things including him drunkenly ‘joking’ at a party when he was in his 30s about how he’d start raping women if the end of the world was coming ‘because there would be no consequences.’

Women don’t make jokes like that. Women don’t think that way. I was surprised at the time that he said it, but not so much now. The older I get, the more I recognise inappropriate comments and behaviour from men that I would have brushed off when I was younger because they’re a ‘good guy’.

MST of my bf’s have been lovely,respectful and really good to me. My last ex, not so much. Scratch under the surface and he had very complex issues - narcissist mainly but also very sexist and this was kept under wraps and came out v v gradually over many years.

I agree op, nice men are v much the minority and with a big margin too.

The world is a much, much bigger world than your small version.

Women are not 'better' than men and vice versa .

I use to think that, it seemed the right thing to say. Nowadays, I'm not so sure. I think the social restraints that have previously operated on men, Christianity (in the UK), social convention, etc, have been so eroded in the modern era of 'anything goes'. And it's women who feel the brunt of that.

I think testosterone likely plays a part in the sexual assault area. Possibly also the dynamic whereby men are expected to be the pursuers - which may even be innate as the same is observable in many animals.

With general violence I think it's more a human trait and is often affected by power dynamics. We lose to men as we're obviously weaker but when you look at children (who are obv weaker than women) it's usually females committing the majority of abuse and the majority of victims are male.

It's also interesting that despite men causing more death and serious injury, women actually perpetrate more DV. There are many studies showing this but the most comprehensive is the 'Partner Abuse State of Knowledge' which is the biggest DV metastudy to date. It was undertaken by over 100 researchers from 20 universities in partnership with DV organisations/experts and it analysed over 10,000 previous studies, including several thousand peer reviewed studies. They repeated the study after 15 years to include the latest data and found the same result.

This 100%. The breakdown of society and the family unit has contributed to boys suffering an identity crisis via single mothers who, as hard as they try, can never be fathers. These boys then look to strangers who manipulate and use their lack of family support against them. Time and time again it is shown that boys who do not have their fathers in their lives grow up dysfunctional, violent etc and women without fathers gravitate towards bad men. Until we are honest about this, nothing will change and I believe that nothing will change. We're all too busy showing boys the disdain, we as women, have for the men they'll grow up to be and convict them before they've even had a chance to do anything wrong. I hate this site for the toxicity it spews about men and pits them all equally as predators etc. I'm glad the men I know are strong, defend women and don't come to this site because they have better things to do like work etc. I hope to not have as much free time, shortly. This site has changed how I view other women and not in a good way. I know it's not real life, though, so I intend to touch grass and find my way back to sanity.

Because as time evolves and women gain more agency, education and power, men stand to lose out, become lesser than and have to adapt and accommodate.
Who in their right minds would cede power willingly?

Why though? Why do men hate women so much?

Because this generation was raised to think boys are automatically better than girls. Better at sport, at maths, in their careers, financially, academically, better at driving. But recently that hasn't been so. Women today get better qualifications, take fewer risks, are generally more careful with money, have fewer car accidents......

I'm single, in my early 60s, a single mum, and retired recently after a middling successful career. I've been stunned at the number of men, ex-colleagues and two ex-boyfriends who have messaged me on LinkedIn with snarky comments about being able to afford to retire. Rather than just being pleased for me, or minding their own business, they need to express their resentment.

Female contacts, without exception, have wished me well.

You know I often used to wonder, why in hot eastern climes, the women are always dressed head to foot in black garbs which attract/ absorb the heat of the sun whilst the men wear reflective, cooling white.

Another form of punishment.

boys suffering an identity crisis via single mothers. Interesting. So who do we blame - 'single mothers', the parent who stayed. You didn't choose to write that boys are suffering due to 'absent fathers' who decided not to participate in parenting.

There is an undeniable pattern though, compared to your false equivalence.
And if women noticing that pattern upsets men, they could fix that by campaigning for womens safety and equality, but they don't. They just get upset when we talk about it.
It disrupts their comfort levels.
It "upsets" them that we notice and maybe mention that 1 in 4 girls (and 1 in 5 or 6 boys I think) are sexually assaulted before they reach adulthood. That 98% of sexual crimes (reported and convicted) are perpetrated by men. That on average women earn less, retire with less, do the majority of care work, and are under-represented in decision making roles.
Poor men, getting upset so often.