My new bf

[sandybeaches74]

So I’ve had a new boyfriend since October last year. He’s good to me, kind to me, does lots of jobs around the house, cooks, cleans, is great with my kids etc… However, I am paying for everything, he is using my car, he is eating my food, he is basically living in my home rent free. He does pay when we go out for meals occasionally but tbh that’s not that often. When I asked for his share of the price of our summer holiday he was upset. He says that he doesn’t ask to eat my dinners and he wouldn’t have them unless I offered. It kind of leaves me with nowhere to go on the conversation. He doesn’t want to book any holidays so it’s always my idea and then I pay. I had a horrible husband before I met him and he is not that at all… but something isn’t sitting right here… everytime I raise it, I just don’t get anywhere so I have realised there is no point. Can you give me your views?

@sandybeaches74

"I had a horrible husband before I met him and he is not that at all… but something isn’t sitting right here… everytime I raise it, I just don’t get anywhere so I have realised there is no point."

No, you have a horrible boyfriend that is horrible in a different way.
Don't try and change him.
Don't argue.
Simply end the relationship.

And get counselling to learn about boundaries and how to make better choices.
If you stay with him you are not willing to change yourself and only you know why that is.

Also, FWIW it's barely a year and he's essentially living with you and dc. That's a 🚩
for both of you. You lack boundaries and ability to make safe choices and he's a love-bombing parasite.

It's good if he does a lot of diy, gardening etc but he should definitely give you some money for his food and treat you to meals out, holiday. What does he do with his money, is he is debt, gambling ?

Please get rid. I don't even understand why you find him attractive. A man who aggressively avoids paying his own way?? Never mind not even providing for his partner? Start charging him for sex, at least. Fuck that man. Getting everything for free! Men like him should be required to pay for access to sex 🤣 (is there an ankle bracelet for this??)

So he works, has his own property but spends most of his time at your place and contributes nowt.. what on earth is he doing with his money then?

I would be binning him, I’m quite a generous person but I don’t expect everyone to be like me but to be with someone who can’t even contribute to the basics I’d end up having my blood pressure and cortisol raised and no amount of dick or man is worth that

I think you already know the answer that its seems unfair, or you wouldn't be asking on here. Feels more you need validation in the fact its unbalanced.
Pushing aside comments over kids etc. You clearly don't think things are fair, and its unbalanced to the point its stressing you. We don't know what he does with his property, but certainly if he gets some sort of income from not living there, it feels he's using you financially and paying you back in kind really
I think boundaries need to be put in place financially and certainly wouldn't be giving him a key if you're questioning the relationship

This. Get rid.

@sandybeaches74

This.

I find it so sad that women feel that they are not worth more than this. How can you not know he is completely taking advantage of you? Are things really that bad out there that this is what you will accept?

Dump and get your keys back

Exactly this.

Be kind to yourself, OP, you deserve better than this.

Don’t put up with it.
💕

Stop being a doormat OP!

Don't eat next to him

He must be minted with so few outgoings! How much does he earn? Are you his first relationship?

If he is someone you want around then maybe a really honest conversation needs to happen and you set your expectations. You aren’t discussing or creating space for a disagreement where he can argue his way out or disagree. You are simply setting what your boundaries are, such as I expect you to pay your share of every holiday, I expect you to contribute towards use of the house/electricity etc, I expect you to pay towards food etc. Then you leave him with a choice of whether he can meet what you need or not.

In full disclosure, I lived with a man like that who didn’t pay his way, and in the end, it just turned to resentment and ruined the relationship because I felt disrespected. I suspect you will end up in the same place if you don’t address this now.

No, he really isn't a good guy at heart, he's using you wise up!

Come on now

If he has a job and a mortgage-free home of course he should be buying things sometimes and if he wants to go on holiday he should share the cost. Never mind him doing jobs, it’s not an entitlement to meals and holidays. You don’t have to formalise it, just send him out with a list to get food shopping.

What else did you expect from this poster! This is a typical Contrary Colin post.

When I read only your posts, I got a bit more detail and I can understand the value that this man has brought into your lives is not to be dismissed. I can understand how this situation might have crept up. I do think you need a frank discussion about finances between you and your lives going forward. How do you see your future? How would he feel if it was the other way around?

get rid

he sounds like a loser and a user

I would just be direct and tell him his stinginess is very off putting and concerning. If he takes it on board and changes it then great. If not, red flag 🚩

Absolute CF!

Even @sandybeaches74 referred to him as her new. boyfriend and yet a poxy year in - her children are sharing their home with him whilst he fleeces their mum and “gets upset” when mum asks him to contribute to his holiday.

Kick him back to his caravan @sandybeaches74 and invest in some therapy.

He won’t get better. Huge red flag. Next!

Oh come off it OP. Either this is bullshit or you know perfectly well what people’s views would be.