My new bf

[sandybeaches74]

So I’ve had a new boyfriend since October last year. He’s good to me, kind to me, does lots of jobs around the house, cooks, cleans, is great with my kids etc… However, I am paying for everything, he is using my car, he is eating my food, he is basically living in my home rent free. He does pay when we go out for meals occasionally but tbh that’s not that often. When I asked for his share of the price of our summer holiday he was upset. He says that he doesn’t ask to eat my dinners and he wouldn’t have them unless I offered. It kind of leaves me with nowhere to go on the conversation. He doesn’t want to book any holidays so it’s always my idea and then I pay. I had a horrible husband before I met him and he is not that at all… but something isn’t sitting right here… everytime I raise it, I just don’t get anywhere so I have realised there is no point. Can you give me your views?

Cock lodger. Get your car keys back and get rid.

Cocklodger.

he’s living rent free, uses your car and he wants a free holiday. You’re a mother with financial dependents, and he thinks is this perfectly acceptable

like, that’s the black and white of it.

This can’t be serious? He’s using you, and why wouldn’t he? He’s living, eating, driving around for free? Of course he’s getting annoyed when you highlight it. He’s got it made. Get rid of him.

He isn’t good to you. A good, decent man would not treat their partner like that. He is manipulative and taking advantage of you.

Fucking hell how are you even having to think about this? Up your standards and bin him off.

Is the good or kind to you in the room with us right now? I've never seen such a clear example of a cock lodger as this one. What does he do for a living?

He really shouldn't have met your kids yet.. Get rid of him and set some boundaries for you and them and spend your money on them. Good luck.

Does he work?

Well yes this is what I am thinking, but I also know he is a good guy at heart. What do you think is fair in terms of contribution? I mean I don’t really want him to contribute to my mortgage but some rent is normal isn’t it?

Sums it up!

He is not a good guy at heart. He is using you and taking money away from you and your children. Get rid of him

You what???? He’s living with you rent free and using your car and you’re allowing it to happen with no financial input.

How on earth have you allowed this to happen?

He doesn’t sound entirely good or kind.

He’s a user. Sorry.

Good guys aren't cocklodgers though. I don't think you are grasping this...

I'm guessing your boyfriend doesn't actually live with you, but gradually started staying over more and more? It's now to the point where he's living with you more than at his own place? Does he rent/mortgage/live with his parents? Or are you saying that you agreed to him moving in permanently?

If your boyfriend is living with you more than not, then it's fair that he starts paying his way. If you don't want him living with you, and after only dating a year, I wouldn't, then you need to limit the amount of nights he stays over, the meals you cook, stop lending him your car and paying for everything.

To be perfectly honest, someone who isn't interested in paying their way, and is actively trying not to do so, isn't someone I'd want to be in a relationship with. He's a 'cocklodger' to quote a MN favourite, as well as a cheeky fucker!

How on earth can you not see what's so blindingly obvious???

You have got yourself a Grade A Top-of-the-range Cocklodger!

For goodness sake tell him to get out of your home and life NOW. No ifs, buts, maybes.

Surely you've seen similar threads on here and thought "Why can't she see it"???????

He isn’t a good guy at heart.

Does he work ? Does he have his own flat / house ?

Stop him using your car, stop offering him food, if you want to book a holiday go and do it but don't add his name to the booking if he wants to go he pays for him self and if he is living with you tell him to find somewhere else to live.

I've had a boyfriend like this he was a drain on my finances, my energy my health and nearly lost me my job (as he called up making up lies and complained about me).

It was difficult to get rid of him as It took me nearly 3 years to realise he was slowly edging everyone out of my life to make me dependant on him.

Don't take as long as I did, it was honestly the worst 3 years of my life and even now I can't believe I was as stupid as I was to not see it happening.

What's his job, does he officially live with you and I'm assuming you work? Yes?

You are being unreasonable and frankly ridiculous to have pretty much adopted a grown man whom you now financially support. He really did well here.

You have children @sandybeaches74 ?

He is unreasonable, not you.

He's grifting from you, and will suck you dry.

And he's trying to weasel out of t by emotional blackmail - "I didn't ask to eat dinner at your house; you offered" sort of rubbish.

I fear we may have all fallen for it again, again 🙄.

I've never ever on here said LTB. But turf the B out of your home, car and life.

He has had it easy and that's why he's being as he is - his new mum has been doing everything and you know this isn't a good situation to be in. For you and to model to your children what is fair and right in relationships.

LTB.

He isn’t a good guy at heart, he’s a piss taker!