AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

Some countries have a clause you can put in your will saying if anyone contested it and loses they forfeit whatever amount they were originally going to get.

If you wouldn’t look kindly on a friend or your own child in this position then I’d wonder what it says about how good a friend/parent you are tbh, and wonder what it is in your own life that you are projecting onto the situation.

A parent or friend who cared about the OP and her brother would
probably have a lot of sympathy for the fact that they didn’t have much of a father growing up because he was preoccupied with his new wife and children.

A good friend or grandparent would want to see OPs children given some support in their early adult life more than they would want her to give cash to people who had actively rejected her, especially hen they had already been considered by the deceased in the will and probably received more from him in his lifetime and via their mother.

I don’t know to be honest @ShootingStarsRacingCars

On the one hand I’d feel should, but also it was his choice how to leave his assets

If it was a large amount I might share a bit with them just to be nice, although that’s a bit half hearted too.

All I can say is Im glad my mum and dad didnt have any money for the eight of us to inherit, but our family have never argued over money and are glad that we all have made our own way in life.
It seems that inheritance is a big pain and though it helps, money causes lots of problems.

Your Dad had his reasons for making his will the way he did and his wishes should be respected. Otherwise what’s the point of a will? Nobody here knows the situation regarding his 2 younger kids so the people saying you should share as it’s the right thing to do are talking nonsense. Obviously an accompanying letter providing context for the split would have been helpful but also not actually necessary as the 2 younger kids weren’t excluded from the Will so it seems very intentional on his part to divide his assets this way. They don’t have grounds for contesting and you are within your rights to keep your inheritance. Given what you’ve said about the relationship over the years, I think it would be unusual if you felt differently.

The issue for me is that your father didn’t say why he left his money this way. That was unreasonable of him. However since he didn’t, you are not being unreasonable to keep the inheritance he left you. I would assume he felt your half-sisters had already had part of their inheritance and leave it at that.

No I would keep the money. Your dad obviously felt very guilty for abandoning you and your full brother as children and was trying to let you know he cared and felt bad about that in his will. You have no idea a) if your siblings have badly managed money that he gave them when he was alive b) have addictions etc c) there were any unknown reasons he took the decisions he did. My mum's mum abandoned her and her sibling when they were about 10 to leave for another man. My grandma went on to have another son with her second husband. She passed away a few years ago and in her will had split her estate equally into three. I don't think the youngest son was happy about it but those were my grandma's wishes. Inheritance should never be expected. Enjoy the money op and hope this makes up for at least a little of his selfish behaviour when he was alive x

Ynbu - it was his decision to distribute things in this way.
My nan could start and argument in an empty room. In her will she decided to leave money to a select few of her grandchildren, and cut her daughter out all together despite the fact she had been caring for her mum for a period of time. Nan like to have the last word 🙄

Are you one of the half sisters ? How do you know she’s making up stories ?

Your father made his will according to his wishes. Yes, that can be contested but at the expense the claimant.
Might it be that the other two beneficiaries were foolish with money and borrowed from ‘bank of dad’ without paying him back when he was alive hence their inheritance is smaller than yours?
Either way, dad’s will reflects dad’s wishes. Enjoy your inheritance OP.

Take what your father wanted you to have, he did it for a reason.

There’s a reason he left the amounts he did. My guess is that he left a decent chunk to their mother & assumed that they would inherit that. It would be worth having that information. She may have spent that money or left it to new partner.

I think I would have considered sharing had they not threatened legal action.

What amounts are you talking about. Were they left £5k while you got £500k house?

I don’t think what your Mum has is relevant. I mean your Dad left her with two small children to fend for herself. They had a Mum too. So I don’t think they should be getting involved in what your Mum might leave you. In any case she might live until 97 & need that money for a care home.

I would share. It is unfair not to unless their mum is loaded and he set it aside for you two because your mum is poor.

She's dead

OP has said from the start she is interested in how people would feel in her shoes, she's not asking if she should share.

Anyway OP if this was all purely hypothetical I suspect I'd be certain I'd share. However as the mother of DC who has watched their half siblings (and mother of those children) cause decades of hurt through rejection, lies, greed, manipulation I would say to both my DH and DC to do whatever feels right to you, follow your heart. I know I raised my DC to be a kind fair person and she will not make a decision like this flippantly.

If it feels right to you then it's right.

The likely explanations are; they got inheritance early, they disowned him or he was simply being spiteful.

You don't know and they haven't tried to explain it to you, simply threatened legal action. Would you have done this in reverse? I suspect not.

It's an interesting dilemma. Normally in these kind of cases it's the children from the first marriage that are disinherited while the second wife and children get everything. In this case your father has remembered everyone, but given them uneven amounts. But this can happen even in families with full siblings, for example many people still give sons more than daughters.

Everyone will bring their own views and baggage to this dilemma and I'm of the view that people with children from a first marriage shouldn't remarry or have more children, it's not fair to the children from the first marriage (obviously there can be some exceptions to this). I think your father maybe was acknowledging that as children of his first marriage he owed you more. If your parents hadn't divorced and he hadn't remarried you and your mother would be getting his whole estate and there would be no-one clamouring for a bigger share. I completely understand that you would want to share evenly with your full sibling (I would too) but younger half siblings you're not close to? Less so, particularly younger half siblings who demand a bigger share and threaten legal action.

Perhaps he gave his other family a lot during his life with them? Helped with cars, rent, buying houses etc? I wouldn't feel obliged to share at all. The will represents what he wanted to happen.

Could it be because they will inherit from their mother?

Legally, you are in the right to do as you like.

Morally? A subjective thing. 🤷‍♀️

You’ve asked what others would do and for me, it would depend on my own financial situation. It sounds like they don’t have much and perhaps you’re more comfortable. If I was already well provided for, I would certainly consider giving them a gift.

My dad was in a very similar situation many years ago. His father left, remarried and had two children. My dad grew up mostly without a father and lived in quite extreme poverty as a result.

When he finally met his father later in life, they established a good relationship but all the money and assets eventually went to my dad’s half siblings. My dad has a significant disability and wasn’t able to work full time. Money was always tight. He was quite pragmatic about it but there’s no denying he was hurt.

The two half siblings (to this day) live a very comfortable life whereas my dad has very little. It is what it is, but I can’t tell you the difference it would have made if the half siblings had considered giving a gift to my father.

Your half siblings are absolute cheeky fuckers for even asking.
They've made no effort to be in your lives, whilst you have invited them to events and they haven't even bothered to reply. Based on this alone I cannot understand why they think you & your brother owe them a dime.

It really bothers me when people seem to think they can challenge a perfectly legal will. What is the point of going to the time and effort of legally recording your wishes for your estate, if those who benefit will just over ride your wishes anyway because they somehow know better than you.

In your shoes OP I would doing exactly as you are, honouring your father's wishes, he had his reasons.

OP has said from the start she is interested in how people would feel in her shoes, she's not asking if she should share.

Most of us are talking about how we would feel in her shoes. But since you insist on assuming we are not here goes.

If I were in her shoes, I would still share.

Maybe their mother got a generous divorce settlement, so he felt their share is baked in already. Maybe he gave them money he hasn’t given you. Who knows. It’s cheeky of them to ask.

I wouldn’t give them any. How much they were left would dictate how guilty I’d feel about that.

They may not have a case at all, but if they put in a Caveat out of spite claiming they dispute the Will, you will spend a lot of money on legal fees and won't see your inheritance for a long time. Beware of that and it is always cheaper to try to come to an agreement than to spend money on solicitors fighting it.