AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

Your dad is leaving his share of that marriage to you and your brother probably because he knows his ex-wife will leave everything she has to her daughters. Tell them to foxtrot Oscar

This always sucks but what offspring doesn’t seem to get about their parents’ money is that it’s not theirs, they aren’t entitled to it, and parents can do with it what they want - blow it all, leave it all to charity, or leave it to someone else, etc.

It’s unfair of your dad maybe, but not unfair of you. Annoying when they guilt trip you for a decision that wasn’t yours. And what grares me here is that they asked, you said no as is your right and then they threatened you - that’s the final straw!! No way these people should get anything from you.

If I made a will, and was of sound mind, I would want it to be followed exactly. It is my money to give to who I wanted it to be.

It is a shame that your father did not explain his reasons behind the will in a letter written to all of his children.
I know many people who have lost contact with their family over the years and would not want to give them a share of their money for very good reasons.

In which case its likely that he left money in the divorce that would more than cover the future of the girls, hence the change of will after her death.

Its a shame their mother probably spent it, but thats not your fault.

YANBU . Like you said you would have shared with your brother and that’s because you have a solid relationship with him (I assume?), the daughters may be your half sisters, but you don’t really know them and you don’t owe them anything. If it’s in the will then there must be reasons for it. Don’t feel guilty.

Personally the way I would look at it is….if it was the other way round would you have asked or expected an equal share? If like me the answer is no, I would respect my father’s wishes in The will therefore because I wouldn’t expect nor would I ask I wouldn’t share xx

No one is entitled to their parents estate unless they are minors.

so if your half siblings were children then I’d say you should consider giving them some more .. however they’re adults and your dad chose to leave them what he left them. In countries like Spain I think they legally have to be left 10%, so maybe he ensured they had money to the value of 10% of his estate and left you both the rest…
I would assume he felt he needed to give you both more because he’d already helped them a lot…. Maybe he paid for their education, driving lessons, first car, weddings etc… and hadn’t paid for yours. ‘Aunt he was present in their lives till they were older whereas you were both still young, so he just felt he owed you more, maybe they were both selfish greedy people and he thinks they’re lucky to get anything at all….
Whatever his reasoning though, his money is exactly that, and he chose to divide it the way he has done…
They can threaten all they like with court, but I doubt they will as it will cost them £40k plus to take you to court and then they’ll probably loose because your dad left them something - different if he’d left them nothing, that’s easier to challenge… not so easy when you just want more than he left!

speaking as someone who has been shunned by their father for no good reason I like to think I would share it. Sometimes parents can be really horrible. I wouldn’t assume the daughters are at fault here.

i absolutely appreciate it’s easy to talk about hypotheticals and say what you would do but I know what it’s like to be treated badly by a parent and it’s not something I’d want to be part of

It was his choice. Unfair in their eyes and maybe also in yours but it was your DF money, presumably he made the will when he was of sound mind so his wishes need to be honoured . I really don’t see the point of making a will if someone is going to come along and change the testator’s wishes .

This will be it. It was all out of spite to the second wife.

I don't think you should share any of your inheritance with your half-siblings. By all accounts you didn't grow up with them, you've never had a close relationship or any real kind of relationship due to the age gap and even though you've tried to forge some kind of relationship with them, all attempts have been ignored.

You probably will never know why your Dad split his Will as he did. Perhaps he felt his daughter's would inherit money their Mum received in the divorce or he's given them money in the past.

Who knows.

I would share the money. You weren't expecting it to be largely left to you and your brother, so I can't see the harm in sharing it. Life gives us these curve balls, and it really puts a mirror up to show us who we really are.
I think you know in your heart what's the right thing to do. Even though you initially put this forward as asking for people's opinions on what they would do, I think you were really looking some justification for the choices you and your brother have made. Sharing is not something you are inclined to do, you have already pointed this out and said your mind is already made up. Im sorry to say both you and your brother are being unreasonable. I'm sorry your Dad wasn't there for you, and you haven't been given the opportunity to have a relationship with your half sisters. Life can be difficult, every so often we get an opportunity to right some of that wrong, nows your opportunity. Genuinely wishing you good luck with everything.

You aren't obliged to do it but I think you should. Especially as you sound comfortably off.

It was DF's wishes. It's up to you what you do with the inheritance. The fact that you barely know them makes your decision easier. I wonder what they'd do if the situation was reversed?

I agree.

As you say, it’s possible they inherited from her. Or maybe he spent a fortune on them when he was alive. I expect he felt some measure of guilt for how he treated you. And so he should. Not that that’s their fault. I’d just leave it be.

We were the opposite to you. 4 kids first marriage, not even named in the will. The lot went to the second family and it was a lot, but that’s why she married him.

Another option could have been that when your father and mother split, your father thought you and your brother should have 100% of his wealth at the time. When he had further children and a new wife, his ‘wealth’ was split 4 ways. I don’t think I’ve explained it very well! But I hope you understand what I am trying to say!

Now that they’ve threatened you there isn’t exactly anywhere to go with that.

I wouldn’t think anymore about it. Let solicitors deal with them.

I would honour your father's will. He wanted you and your brother to have the inheritance and I would honour his dying wish.

You don't know his reasons as he didn't choose to share these and you are unlikely to get an honest answer out of your half sisters.

If you could assess and understand the situation more fully - like you would get everything and your brother nothing - there might be a very good reason to not honour your dad's will but I don't think you have one so I would honour it.

I would assume that there is a good reason why the will was divided this way. Perhaps I would check with the solicitor who drew up the will to see if there was anything written down.
It's possible that gifts were made to the step-siblings in your father's life-time that you and your brother did not receive and that the will is designed to address that imbalance. The sort of gifts that I mean are house deposits, school or university fees and provisions in the divorce settlement with the second wife i.e. maintenance costs that were not paid to your family.

My dad has kept a tally of what he’s given to my sisters and I over the years and his will reflects that. If he spent a lot on your half siblings through their youth and adulthood that he didn’t spend on you, then maybe he’s balancing the books. Certainly, I wouldn’t be sharing equally but I might consider gifting them a little more if it meant not having to fight in court. What price is your peace of mind?

You're not being unreasonable at all! If it had been the other way around and they got what you've been given they wouldn't decide to share equally with you. 👍🏼

My father is splitting his will 6 ways, his 3 kids, 2 step kids and 1 step niece. FiL is leaving everything to his step kids and nothing to his biological ones.
Its werid and hard to learn your parent doesn't care enough to leave his biological children anything or thinks others deserve more.
Id share things equally with the biological siblings if it was me (and even step siblings if we didn't met them first as adults).

In some countries children cannot be disinherited which obviates this type of dilemma. Lots of heartache and resentment is thus avoided.

But in your case, this is not so. Your father made a conscious and clear decision in his will to benefit you and your full sibling over your half-sisters.

Perhaps your father felt that, having left your mother to bring up you and your brother while he created a new family, and factoring in the paternal neglect that entailed, it was morally and financially fair that you and your brother should inherit the majority of his estate as a form of compensation.

Perhaps your father was aware that the half-sisters inherited a portion of his estate via their mother who predeceased him.

Perhaps your father was sending a message to his two younger children. That does not necessarily mean it was a vindictive message.

You most likely will never know the reasoning behind his decision. It's possible your half-sisters do know - but they are not going to tell you. Your father may indeed have informed them of his intentions. Your aunt may know... your brother could enquire but there's really no point since it doesn't sound as though any circumstance will change your mind.

You don't owe these half-siblings anything. Some people might believe they would act generously by sharing the inheritance with their half-sisters. But only being in that situation would anyone know how they would behave. Enjoy your inheritance!