AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

This is about what a father owes all his children, not what half siblings owe each other.

See my mum left myself and one brother much less in her will, like 20% each of the house whereas youngest got the other 60% plus all money and jewelry etc

She did this as she assumed out Dad would be leaving stuff to us

Dad died and left everything to youngest sister he had with my stepmom ( apart from house which was in joint nanes with SM)

So assumptions don't always work out as they are intended

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me.

Except the father was not any more preoccupied with raising the two half siblings as he was the OP. They were all abandoned.

No i think you don’t need to do anything. Was your dads choice and you don’t know what went on in their relationships.

I had a friend in a situation with older siblings with a different dad. When her mum died my friend was left with more… she did everything for her mum and they were close. Siblings were rarely around.

Anyway she couldn’t cope with the guilt so split it equally( they didn’t ask). And it’s gone back to her barely having a relationship with them and she regrets it as the money would of helped her a lot. It was also what her mum actually wanted. She had voiced this to her in conversations

Both of you should give them all the money, or give it to charity.

Accepting this from a man your do not respect and clearly dislike is hypocrisy

What were the percentages like ? Was it like you and your brother £100k each and them £60k or was it more like you guys 500k and them2k
i am of the feeling you should be treated equally but I can’t say for definite that’s what I’d do as I’m not in your situation.

There is nothing fair about inheritance. It's an accident of fortune that someone dies with a few quid left and decides to give it to you. More akin as a beneficiary to a win on the lottery. You'd not think you had to share that with some near stranger just because they'd also bought a ticket.
Your half siblings may have reason to be angry with your father, but that's between them. Nothing to do with you, anymore than it would be the problem of the cats home if he'd left it to them.

In the circumstances you have given… no I wouldn’t and I think they have a cheek asking.

I think you have to assume your dad has his reasons for dividing his will up as he did and that's not for you to question. You have said he was a selfish arse, so unfortunately his reasons may not have been good ones, but you'll never know. Maybe he spent far more on them growing up, or they were reckless with money like their mum - but you'll never have enough unbiased information to form a fair opinion. In the absence of that, leave it as he wished.

Even if you were to share with them, they will never forget that it wasn't how their dad planned it, so it seems a bit desperate to ask.

Agreed. Your dad is trying to make up for hardly seeing you when you were younger. Keep the money.

This is a tricky one. I would always share an inheritance equally with siblings whatever the will said because it is the right thing to do (irrelevant as my parent's split their inheritance equally) but half siblings you don't have any relationship with does feel quite different. Could you make a gesture - maybe get your solicitor to help you draw up a formal letter offering a sum as a gesture of goodwill but making it clear there won't be any more? I expect this is complicated for you as maybe you feel the money is your compensation for all the years they had your dad and you didn't have him.

I think I would share the money with your half siblings, because he was their dad and it's hard not to have an inheritance when you're not well off. Sad situation.

Op I think this is pretty clear cut, it's your money, don't bother sharing, they didn't make an effort with you, they don't mean anything to you, you don't owe them anything. Look after yourself and your children.

Agree. I thought this situation was going to be the other way round. Its become all about money.... if you don't know them OP just block them.

This kind of question crops up on MN quite often but I can't understand why it is even asked. If someone dies and leaves an unambiguous will the legal and moral duty to respect the wishes of the deceased. There are odd exceptions, but in cases like this where everyone is an adult it would be deeply disrespectful to ignore the will.

I wouldn't not with this poor approach. To threaten legal action is mean. Its not OPs fault is it? It could of easily gone the other way...

What sticks out for me is why they haven't got to know each other as siblings? But now money is involved they want to demand OP to "share". What happens after? They go back to not knowing each other? Its grabby.

When all said and done. OP and her brother were the 1st borns. Its the least her father could do.

My DH’s father left his mum for another woman. He was eight and his sister was 10.
DH’s new wife had two children from a previous marriage. They were roughly the same age as DH and his sister. Their dad lived abroad, so DH’s dad effectively raised them.
DH’s mother got the house in the divorce. She’s lived mortgage free for a very long time.

DH’s dad has already told him he and his sister aren’t getting anything from him. It’s all going to his stepchildren. His reasoning is that DH and his sister are getting their mum’s house when she dies.

Could this be a similar situation? It would have been helpful if your dad had explained this!

Yes, but we don’t know at what ages, and OP said that the half sisters mother did very well
in the divorce. That means it was up
to her to pass money on to her children, it’s not for the children who were abandoned first to sort out.

My approach would probably depend on the figures involved. Noting there is a house each and a decent amount of cash, it sounds like you and your brother could each be pocketing £400k + quite easily. If your dad only gave your other sisters £10K each, then I wouldn’t sleep well at night with that disparity. I’m not saying I would split it so it was equal 4 ways, but I would give them another £50-100k each. If the figures or disparity is much smaller, I’d look at it differently.
I think noting your dad seemed to want you and your brother to have a bigger share, you could aim for a split that’s more like 35/35/15/15. Them getting nothing is a cruelty I wouldn’t feel comfortable being part of.

These are the issues what can happen when people go on to create new families. OP and her brother are now left to face. Because of her father's choices.

Same. All children are entitled to an equal share so you don't get this kind of drama after a loss in the family.

They aren't obliged to share but I think I would want to. It's a miserable situation probably down to their dad's lack of responsible parenting, that the half siblings rarely see each other.

Of course their mother did very well, he would have been older and more financially well off by then. What their mother got in the father’s second divorce should not be held against the children.

My point is the OP’s father was not around for any of them so OP did not get more to compensate for not having her father around.

YANBU. And isn't it funny how they're now getting in touch with you when money's involved?! Quelle suprise.

Well you are obviously having doubts or you wouldnt have asked. Personally I think you should give them some.