AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

Feel free to move on. I said in my OP:

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

I wondered what people thought may have happened, maybe they had been through a similar situation and wondered if most people would share, even though we are not.

@ShootingStarsRacingCars f you put the boot on the other foot and they got everything and you and yoyr brother got next to nothing would your view change?

You honour what your father wanted and that was for you and your bro to have what you have been given

Forget them, you don’t owe them anything

Did he divorce their mum when they were still children?

I think if he'd left them in the lurch at a young age like he had me, I might be a bit more inclined to share. It's hard to know, though. When faced with the reality of a choice.

I don't think you owe your half-sisters anything. He could have left all the money to someone totally different or a charity. As it is, it's a bit of a sop to you and your brother for abandoning you as a child. You can take that without feeling like you have to balance everything he was shitty about - which you couldn't actually do fairly if you tried.

I was just asking that to see if it helped you solidify your choice. Tbh i don't know what I would do here. Once they threatened to take me to court I wouldn't want to share, and it would depend on how much it was and how I was doing financially. Would've helped if your Dad left a letter explaining why.

Some people come on here to understand the range of human response, not to ask a bunch of strangers to run their life for them.

There were two houses and me and my brother got left one each, plus most of his money. They got some money but a significantly smaller amount than we were left.

I hadn’t thought that maybe they aren’t his. My mum always said they looked nothing like him. 😂 I think they probably are his.

Could it be that he felt a big share of "his" assets went to his second wife in their divorce, and he anticipated that had been or would be channelled to the daughters of the second marriage via their mum, so he prioritised leaving what was left to you and your brother?

YANBU. His money, his decision and you don’t know what went on in the background. I’d say you accept the money as a small recompense for having a disappointing relationship with your father. Who knows what his other daughters did or how they behaved.

oh so they did get something.

oh no need to share.

Possibly. I remember him moaning about the amount his wife ‘took’ from him in the divorce. I always cut him dead and said that’s how marriage and divorce works and it was his choice to leave our mum and get remarried. I have no time for men whinging about that. I have no idea what their mum did with the money she got in the divorce so they may have inherited but maybe it was all gone. My dad used to say she loved spending. She did have a partner when she died so it may have gone to him for all I know.

Based on you saying you'd share with your brother, yes I think it's massively unreasonable.

Beware of the sharks, OP.

i’m sorry your dads last parting shot was more of the same from him. i would hate to be used this way to harm other people.

Fair enough. I feel it’s different because I grew up with my brother and we are close so I feel he should have the same as me. I didn’t grow up with my dads other children and I haven’t had any contact for years.

If you'll forgive me for saying, your father's apparent principled and prudent attitude towards money doesn't really seem to match his attitude when it comes to having children and abandoning them. Hardly one for the wise, moral high ground, is he?

But back to your question, I was wondering: was your DM already wealthy before they married? If so, did all/the bulk of the money for their house (and possibly lots of other living costs when they were together) basically come from her, but then he did very well out of the divorce... and so he's seeing it that, after he's gone, he's just returning what was her money to her children?

He was always a selfish arse.

You’re saying you can’t imagine doing that to your own children so I think you know it’s unfair, however you are happy to do this to your siblings, which ok you don’t have a great relationship. How would you feel if it was the other way around. Sometimes it’s not about the money, it’s feelings, they probably feel that they didn’t matter to your dad. However, I think your mind is already made up.

So not because he's owed it or its the right thing to do. Not knowing them is also your responsibility (and theres) I presume you've had free will to get to know them, doubt that will be the case going forward.

Difficult to give an accurate opinion without more info on the back story.
From the limited information that you have provided, I can understand why your younger siblings are upset.

I don’t think of them as siblings because I’ve hardly ever seen them. My brother and I tried to have a relationship with them when they were children and we were young adults, but as they became adults, they didn’t really bother with us. We have tried to invite them to birthdays, weddings etc but they stopped replying so we stopped trying.

No one is owed any inheritance, let alone an equal one. That your father didn’t choose to leave equal amounts to all his children is not your problem or responsibility to solve.

In your situation I would do precisely as you are doing.

My view is that a will should be followed unless there is a really compelling reason not to. Your Dad made this will and left something to all his children. You can’t know his reasoning for it not being equal. It sounds as though you were surprised and probably would not have contested it had the majority gone to your half sisters. On that basis, I don’t see that you are obliged to share - this is how he wanted things - rightly or wrongly - and it was his money and assets to leave. In your position, I’d do as you and your brother have decided too.

There isn’t really much of a backstory. I am 15 ish years older than them. When they were little I made a fuss of them but it wasn’t a typical sibling relationship because of the age gap and we only saw them a handful of times a year. Once they became teenagers, they weren’t interested in us but we still made an effort because they were just being teens. As they became adults there was still very little from them though so it was hard to keep any sort of relationship. Life got busy with work, partners and children. We still tried to keep contact but rarely heard back. We invited them to our wedding and they didn’t reply. We just stopped bothering because it was always us making the effort which was fine when they were kids but not when they’re adults.