AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

That's fair. I apologize, I later saw that he did leave them something, which makes me feel better about it.

I’d love to know his reasoning. If I bumped into someone who knew him, I would ask, but I don’t want to make contact and open a can of worms. My brother has said he’ll ask if I want to know as he occasionally still sees our aunt but left to him, he wouldn’t ask, so I don’t want to ask him to.

I agree that it would have been better if he’d have explained it to us all but he wasn’t the sort of man to do that.

Huh?

Already answered. If you’re not interested, find another thread. It’s a forum, people chat.

There was a similar situation in my family. My sibling and I have a half brother 15+ years older than us. He and our mother were estranged for the last 30 years of her life. She did not include him in her will and left a letter outlining why. I have no relationship with him and might not even recognize him if I passed him on the street. I have no plans to share my inheritance with him.

I think my point was more, would you look kindly at your child that didn’t share the inheritance and what would you think it said about them?
If you were a friend and told me the situation, I’d probably not view your conduct favourably and I would think they are not very nice because your all equally your fathers children. But that’s me and how I view fairness, like you said you aren’t changing your mind, so it doesn’t matter.

I think your father thought about them in what he paid out to their mother. He assumes their mother will leave her assets to them.
He knows how much he contributed to you and your brother so is making it fairer upon his death.
I might consider sharing a small amount, out of affection and goodwill, not out of neccessity.
Follow your legal advice. It might mean that your half sibling will not put in a claim.

It's also possible the younger children will get inheritance from the mother's family so his left his to you and your brother you don't have to give it to them

No I wouldn’t share I’m afraid. They are virtual strangers from the sound of it.

If my child didn’t share with a sibling they had grown up with and had a good relationship with, I’d be disappointed. If my child didn’t share with a sibling they hadn’t grown up with and who they hardly knew through no fault of their own, I’d think they were right not to share.

I have spoken to my friends and they think I’d be crazy to give money to people who are basically strangers. One of them said that I probably know my hairdresser more than these women, and she was right.

I understand you have a different opinion so thanks for answering. It’s good to hear different opinions. I think the unfair thing would be to deny my children an easier life in favour of giving money to people I don’t know.

She is dead but my father says she ended up with a lot when they divorced. I always told him that was how it works and she would only have got what she was entitled to. I don’t know whether they got left an inheritance from their mother.

They did get some money from my father, just a smaller share.

I don’t see the point in making a will if it’s going to be changed after my death. Leave as is…it’s your Father’s decision as to what he does with his estate.

You say you want to know what people would do yet you also say you have made up your mind and will change it so again what's the point?

Stick by your decision and move on.

I’ve explained. Move on, it’s not the thread for you.

Sometimes the reason people do this is because one child was given a large amount in their lifetime. One gets £20k for a deposit for a flat, then they end up with 20k less inheritance.

It would have been helpful if he'd left a letter with the will to explain the decision.

This post makes me so happy about tha inheritance law in my country

Lol, does the OPs father sound like the sort of man who'd give a large amount if money to one of his children? He sounds like a self-centred piece of shit.

You are not being unreasonable. The inheritance that you and your brother have received was his wish. That should be respected.

I feel that, with inheritance, it isn't your money until it is in your bank account.

It was your father's, and now it is yours, and then it will be whoever you leave it to.

It sounds rough for them, but no one is entitled to an inheritance; they can ask, and you can say no.

Sorry, wanted to add but before doing so was checking your thread. Hence the 'edit'.

For info - I have recently been finalising my will. A family member has turned against the rest of my large family (all very unpleasant). I took a lot of legal advice and am leaving this person a small percentage of my will and reporting in my Wishes why I am doing so. It will therefore be extremely unlikely that they will be able to contest the will, and they certainly won't be able to do on a no win no fee basis. Given that your father has actually left something to his other children, I'm given to understand that there would be huge financial risks for them to pursue contesting it.

I hope and pray that you don't have to go down the route of them seeking part of your inheritance. I know a few people who have been on the receiving end of this. It can be extremely costly and timely, and will add enormous stress.

I think it’s up to people to manage their own relationships and if they weren’t able or willing to do that when he was alive then they don’t get anything in his will. And you have rightfully pointed out that they weren’t interested in you and your brother either. They don’t get to hold their hands out now.

I can't really understand why anyone would go against the wishes of the person who made the Will. Presumably there was a reason he left most of his estate to his two older children, that's all that needs to be taken into account.

What is the point of even making a Will if your wishes are going to be over-ridden?

I also have been down the route of others threatening to contest a Will. They got nothing more out of it, all that happened was that it held up the distribution of the estate and everyone ended up with less money as a result of the cost incurred. Idiots.

It's really up to you. Hard to decide though when you don't know the reasons. Could it be as when your dad was older he had more money and the younger girls had more financially already?
Either way, it's what your dad chose so he must of had his reasons.
You can feel sympathy or whatever for your sisters but that doesn't mean you have to give them money and the threat they made to take you to court would put me off sharing tbh.

Or it was a revenge move against his late ex wife. People can be so vindictive.