AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

We did try to keep a relationship of you read my posts.

I would share. If I understood his reasons I might feel differently.

Yikes! It depends how much it was and our financial circumstances compared to theirs. If I knew we were better off than them then it’s definitely the right thing to do. I’d be trying to find out why he did it.

Fair enough. We have chosen to use the money to help our children with university and housing. Giving it to people who I hardly know, that haven’t been interested in a relationship with me, over my own children wouldn’t feel right to us.

YANBU. Maybe his second wife took money in the divorce and your half siblings will inherit through her whereas you won’t. That would make his decision completely fair and right, even if they have to
wait.

I would give something, just feels off not to.
Think I would do it in a pay it forward type of situation, also to lay my head on the pillow for sleep I couldn’t leave them with nothing from him .

Their mother is dead

Op given there is no relationship to sour with half siblings I'd leave it.
You don't know they have possibly been given money for houses, cars etc while he was alive or he may be questions their parentage.

Yes, may mistake, apologies. It doesn’t change my opinion though, she still
could have had a decent amount in the divorce and have left it to her children. She might not have left her children anything that she got in the divorce, but that shouldn’t affect what this man was able to leave for his first children.

They did get some money from him.

He has done it to spite his ex, i imagine.

I would do the same as you. I think ultimately it is about respecting your father's wishes as contained in his Will. He may have had very good reasons for doing what he did - you can't know this and it's not appropriate for you to override the Will without this knowledge. Your half-siblings have quite a cheek to ask.

YANBU OP. They haven’t wanted a relationship with you despite your efforts yet now they want money from you. How cheeky are they?!?!

I wouldn’t waste any time trying to work out why he did this, just enjoy the money and using it to help your children.

How would you feel if you separated from your husband, he decided to leave 75% to one of your children, would you think better of them if they shared it out equally? Or would you not mind? If you’d be happy to have one of your children disadvantaged because it was the other ones good luck, then that’s fine. I think how you feel about that situation is how people will think of you in this situation. Do whatever you think is right.

She’s dead. I presume she died before he did so I don’t think it’s that.

This man was already happy to disadvantage OP and her brother by leaving them without a reliable father so that he could go on to have a second family.

Maybe he realised that he treated them badly and wanted to readdress the balance somehow. Maybe he provided more for his second children than he did his first when they were young.

I can see no valid reason for OP to be thought of badly in this situation. She’s putting her own
children first like parents are supposed to.

Different situation but - I’m one of 4 children. Several years ago my mother wanted to leave everything to me but wouldn’t make a will. As I’m sure you can guess we have a fractured family. I’m pretty much the only one that looked after her in her later yrs. One of my siblings did a bit the other two did nothing (she told me this so I assume it’s true) Anyway I decided if she did make a will leaving everything to me I’d then gift the others their fair share as I wouldn’t want money from anyone where it was going to cause trouble. I think my mother always said this on purpose as she knew it would cause problems. As it happened she died without a will and I was able to split everything equally and now have no guilty conscience. Good luck. It’s up to the person to make a decision what to do with their money/belongings and if they don’t you can only do what you think is best

They would all be my children in that case. If my brother hadn’t got the same as me, I would have shared because I see is as equal. These women are my siblings in name only. I don’t know them because they haven’t reciprocated my efforts in having a relationship with them.

I have done what I think is right which is to look after us and our children. I don’t think it’s up to me to in some way make up for my father.

I assume your father had his reasons. On the face value of what you have posted, I don't think you need to share. It may be unfair of him but I'm willing to assume there is a reasoning to it.

Different perspective.. my father died last year, his will is going through probate. He didn't divide his assets fairly ...( ratio similar to 3k for me, 10k for one brother, 40k for brother 2, but not those amounts). Brother 1 and I helped him the most in later life. But ... those were his wishes and wills should be respected. As the sibling treated "unfairly" i don't bear any grudge against my siblings nor do I think they should give me money. Nobody is owed any inheritance at all.

While I agree with you I'm really wondering what you want from this thread since you've already made up your mind that you will not be sharing and you have received legal advice that the will cannot challenged?

You've made your decision and stand by it so move on, I don't see the need for going back and forth on mumsnet.

Personally I think I'd want to find out what his reasons were for the large imbalance - perhaps by talking to his sister. She may know a bit about the history between him and his second set of children.
Assuming there's no reason you can uncover, my sense of fairness would prevail and I'd feel morally bound to share the inheritance. It's not about your relationship with the half siblings, it's about what their father should have done for them.
But I can see both sides.
In circumstances like this I really think it's better to explain your will before you die or provide a letter with a detailed explanation. It'd save a lot of hand wringing by the people left behind.

Well what a cunt your father was. If it makes you feel better to not share the money and pretend that your siblings somehow deserve to be treated like this well that's up to you but all you're doing is being the agent of his post-mortem spite. No need to make up stories about them.

I'm sorry, that's got to hurt at least a bit. I agree this isn't your siblings' fault but it may affect how you feel about your father.

Maybe he gave the two second daughters more during their lifetime, so this is evening it up?