AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

if their mum died and your dad inherited her estate then I can see why they would want what is effectively theirs. I think I would have to look into what was being inherited as if roles were reversed and they got everything from your mum and dads estate you’d be pretty pissed off no matter what you protest!

As someone whose dad remarried, he died first and left everything to the wife who has then died and left everything to her own kids (even though they originally had mirror wills and split it evenly and it was all my dad's money to start) it sucks being the ones left out. It's not always even all about the money but you don't get to ask them why? And it hurts your parent has treated you this way. So I'm afraid I think you're being incredibly selfish but maybe I'm biased from my own experiences.

I would suggest to you that the heartache is not avoided but the cause will be different?

I'd say so.

This kinda sums this up for me.

Although it's a shitty situation and I couldn't imagine not sharing my estate equally between my kids, there is probably a reason why he has done it that way and ultimately the reason for that isn't your problem.

I'd say that's a slightly different scenario to the OP though. In your case it's disgusting that you've been jipped like that.

Nah, my actual brother I'd share with in a heartbeat. But half siblings I've got no relationship with I wouldn't.

Just out of curiosity, what would you do if, in five years time, you need a bone marrow transplant and your brother isn't in a position to do it. Would you ask your half sisters to get tested to see if one of them is a match?

What an absolutely normal and not totally mental question.

Yes, they are your blood relatives. I would talk to them and try to find out more about their situations. You are still family.

I think he was trying to make things 'fair'. After the pot being halved by the divorce from their mother, it makes perfect sense that the other two would then inherit less of a % from him and then the rest of it and more from their mother. Maybe the fairest thing he has ever done for you? He's protected you by making sure they had a small amount each. The biggest problem is when other children get none and that paves the way for a messy court case after.

Hmm my friend has a couple of half siblings from her dad’s first marriage. He had an affair with my friend’s mother and left his first family, later having 4 more children (including my friend).

Her dad has told her that he won’t be leaving anything to his first children because their mother ‘screwed him in the divorce’ (even though they were a young couple at the time and didn’t have much between them). The feeling that he ‘lost’ in that divorce is so visceral even 35 years on that he will disinherit his own children to make himself feel better. He’s an arse. Maybe that’s the situation here?

You can't second guess the reasons.

Maybe he spent less time with you and felt guilty that he was a better father to them. Maybe he gave them more money that you don't know about before he died. Maybe he knows they will be getting more inheritance money from another source, or that they have better jobs. Maybe he just didn't get on with them.

Maybe maybe maybe.

The only thing you know for certain is that he wanted you to have the money.

And now it is yours it is up to you what you choose to do with it. I don't think anyone can judge you whatever you choose to do, because no one knows what your fathers motivations were.

My personal opinion is that a will is a person's last word and should be adhered to. It was what he wanted so nobody should be contesting that. If you wanted to give them some cash that's entirely up to you, but you don't want to and that is fine OP. Probably shitty for his other kids, but that's not your problem.

Happened to my mum, her dad went on to remarry after her mum died. Had 2 more children no will everything went to new wife and she left everything to her children. Ironically it was his first wife’s life insurance that paid off the house.
I always felt it unfair especially as they were all close and still are. But it’s never mentioned.

I get why you would feel this way.

But it feels a bit unfair.

Id sleep better if I settled something on them so they could invest or put a deposit down on a flat.

It sounds like the inheritance you received was substantial and your children would not suffer if you did that.