To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

Leave then? I’m from another part of the UK but have found them all welcoming

The only thing you are going to have in common with people that you meet at the school gate are that you are currently living close enough that means you you have children at the same school. You're currently an 'Essex mum' just as much as anyone else there, just as I was a 'Leicestershire mum' when we lived there and DS was at the village school, even though I'm not actually from the UK at all.

Mumsnet needs a ragebait emoji ...

So, all the women you meet are like this? Either move or widen your circle of friends.
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😄

Believe me we want to but don't want to disrupt our daughters education.

So, widen your circle of friends? What hobbies do you have?

Im not saying ALL mums in Essex are clearly like this, but the ones where we are and we've met seem to be.

Can't you meet other friends through your culture vulture activities? Schoolgates are for dropping kids off, making polite small talk and leaving.

You sound pretty judgemental. Live and let live.

I do not get people's obsession with other school mums. Drop off/pick up your kids and get on with your day. I've been doing the school run for over a decade. Met some nice enough people but I don't think twice about the randoms at the school gate.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Born and raised in Essex and I know what you mean - but it’s not all of us! Look around the playground a bit more, I think! Join a book group or something. None of them will be there.

You are a snob and I claim my five pounds.

Maybe depends what part of Essex you are in. But as PP say, try some different activities, there are bound to be some people you click with. I was born and raised in Essex, like hell would I ever go back, because I know exactly what you mean. I’m sure it’s the same in parts of other Home Counties as well though.

Yes that's a good idea! THANKS!

Yep glad you see what I mean.

At least im not nasty like you!

I live in Essex and have found similar issues (right down to all my friends being from other countries!). But it's really not everyone who's TOWIEesque. There are those who are well travelled and a bit more educated.

And even the ones getting lip filler can also be very kind, genuine people! Not my best friends as we just don't have much in common, but I can appreciate them as good, kind people.

Ah good idea, might join a fishing club!

Like many counties Essex is big. Which part are you referring to? I'm sure rural Essex and suburban Essex will be culturally quite different?

Also how much does it matter? I got through the childhoods of two children without ever having 'mum friends '. My children had friends from school but I was friendly rather than friends with the parents.

Ps. Where are you OP? I'll be your friend! (I'm on the Central line).

“Bling culture” is everywhere, not just Essex. I understand feeling like you don’t fit in when it’s the norm, you do need to lower your expectations of the school gates as a place to find like minded people.
As per PP though, I know some people who are heavily into it but are the kindest people you’ll ever meet. So don’t write everyone off just because they don’t perfectly subscribe to life as you think it should be lived

I don't know about that kind of culture being everywhere necessarily. I feel like it's more prevalent in certain parts of Essex.

Move to north Essex. It’s nothing like you’ve described.