To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

Hmmm with which bread?

There was a thread slagging off white bread the other day (unnecessarily I felt) and despite its lack of nutrition it makes a banging bacon sandwich.

I know this is a bit controversial but I also find a brioche bun works.

One of DB’s neighbours is an Essex girl (now living in SE London). Yes she does have some of the characteristics you mention but if you dig beneath the surface she actually doesn’t have that and is more rounded than that. She’s lovely.

Preferences vary between individuals don’t they? Ketchup is great with fried eggs but brown sauce is best for bacon or sausages in my opinion.

YABU to generalise a whole county of about 1million women.

There's all types everywhere, you must have blinkers on not to see beyond that tribe.

😡 🪤

TOWIE is not typical of people who live in Essex.

What you describe is just a massive stereotype. A wind up surely ?

Essex is a large county. Some places are chalk and cheese. Lots of lovely pretty villages. City. Towns. All different.

As to knowing what your Essex mums cook or don’t cook, you must know many of them rather well to know where they holiday, what they eat, and what they don’t. Screen rules etc.
I hope they know how much you look down on them. Nor that you have given them the impression you think they are alright ?

As with anywhere you will have people who like a label, who like a holiday abroad. Who like a tan. And who like to go out for a meal. How terrible.
Such people are everywhere. Cheshire, Liverpool. Leeds. Race days out etc. Doncaster. To name a few.

The idea that people including ‘mums’ in Essex are not interested in culture is just incorrect. And so very insulting to many people. You must realise this is wrong? They say regionalism as discrimination does not exist.
I would say it most certainly does. It is very sad.

What other people eat, wear and enjoy has nothing to do with your life. You can cook your dinners, wear your no brand fleece and go sight seeing without a bunch of like minded people to discuss it with, surely?

None of them will be there.

Made me laugh out loud!

So it's just/ mainly the mums, then?
Can you make friends with the dads? Or those with no kids?
London, Cambridgeshire and Kent are all not very far away if there are activities there that might light the fire in your belly a bit more - quite a lot of people in Essex commute to all of them and back each day.
North Essex does indeed have ravishing countryside, but (and this is a personal preference) it drove me up the wall after 3 years as even that can leave you quite isolated if you are not into the same kind of things as a much smaller circle of people and their pastimes.

Perfect! 😂

Op, I lived in a terrible, run down part of Essex for a few years. The proportion of the 20-30's girls wearing the tan, blonde hair extensions and the stereotypical look was higher than other places I have lived (I have moved a lot!), so I don't think you're being overly harsh. Men too looked like Ken, as in Barbie. I also found the attitude of entitlement really common there too but I guess that's true of a lot of places now. It just was a very different beast to other places I have lived - Brighton, Leeds, Edinburgh, London and a bit of an eye opener.

Time to go find your friends elsewhere. School drop offs aren't the best place imo! And the best thing about Essex is there's loads of villages and countryside which are gorgeous.

If you think Essex are bad - try Cheshire!

I was Midlands born and bred but, bar 5 years in London, have lived in Essex for all of my adult life.

It's a big and very diverse county and rural Essex is nothing like suburban Essex, or the Dagenham, Ilford, Barking and Upminster areas (lived there in Hornchurch for just over a year too as it was where DH's family were).

For the last 30+ years I have been in rural-ish North West Essex, where my three children spent their entire school careers. My experience was not yours. Lots were just working families (often both parents) and about as far removed from the awful TOWIE types as you could get. Sure, you could find the odd one of those if you really wanted to but they might be rather more prevalent round your neck of the woods. I'm going by the sheer number of professional footballers and WAGs who lived there when I did.

In Upminster though, you do have the advantage of being on both a tube line (it's on the end of the District Line) and a mainline station. They're right next to each other if I remember rightly. Much of Essex doesn't have that and rural public transport can be patchy if you aren't prepared to drive (I do, but only because I have to).

Essex is not a universal TOWIE hotpot, and indeed I think TOWIE sometimes did it a great disservice.

After reading your OP I beg to differ

This yes. Sadly ive never experienced the rural parts of Essex and I believe they may well be nicer and very different.

How did you find Hornchurch/Upminster as that's round my way.

Well a lot of other posters seem to be in agreement with my stance, so.

Me too! And its true!

I live and have always lived in one of the areas you are being snidey about. No one I know matches your description. Not of mine or my daughter in laws generation.
A few people in one school does not represent a sensible sample size for an entire county

What an absolutely load of cliched ridiculous bollocks your op is.

I speak from experience. I from the black country. I have lived in Essex - and brought two children up in Essex - for 30 years, and I absolutely do not recognise this stereotype at all.

Essex has its faults mostly Reform but I have found people here to be friendly, welcoming, and pretty much just like anyone else (though they do find my accent funny!)

Dying to know which part of Essex you are talking about. Come to the very north of the county - a different world to the south part!!

Ok, everyone always gets defensive about their own area. makes sense now!

Yes everyone keeps saying how different the Northern part is.

Good idea. She can go through school there, meet a man, have a baby then be an Essex mum. Then you could go on Gransnet and complain that she likes different things to you.

I haven't read the whole thread and expect you have been flamed by some posters, but wanted to say I completely agree with you OP

I lived around Hornchurch/Upminster when my DS was born up until he was 3.5. Really couldn't 'find my tribe' or connect with other mums, especially those that grew up in Essex

Moved to a city up north in 2023 and I was (and still am) so shocked how different it feels and how much nicer it is to be surrounded by other parents that share the same values and reference points (and yes the fact that we moved to leafy, lefty area is a big part of that). I think very often how relieved I am that my son doesn't go to school back in Essex. He's still a carefree 6 year old, wearing odd socks and colourful leggings and exploring the world. We buy second hand clothes and toys and enjoy getting dirty and messy. Make our own birthday cakes etc. I just dont think he would have had that same childhood in Essex with so much focus on aesthetics

I would echo others that its not too late to move, but there were also A lot of young couples moving out of London to the area, so may just be about trying harder to find other parents that are more similar to you

THIS !!! And thank you. This is my EXACT experience.!