To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

Essex born and bred. By way of Upminster actually. Ok Harold Wood.

Over the last 10-15 years my extended family and all my sixth form friends have moved out one by one to various "shires" to raise their families. I left years ago. No one believes me when I say I am an Essex girl 🤣 so we arent all like that but most of them are, you are right.

Havering - It is not what it was and experiencing a bit if an existential crisis atm. Is it London? Is it Essex? Big influx of ppl combined with a big exodus of people. It's going through an identity change for sure! Nothing like it was when I was growing up

No. But they definitely think they are.

Even back in medieval times - whoever was the Earl of Essex was usually a flashy git 🤣

Thanks a very informative post.

Im not from Essex but do live here, it’s a big county. There are a lot of people like you describe but I don’t think that’s a county thing at all. I’ve met people like that from all over. Non of my Essex born friends are like how you describe at all, they don’t even have a typical Essex accent so you wouldn’t know where they were from so the ‘Essex mums’ trope is a bit nonsensical.

Not from Essex or knows anyone from there but I find your post really obnoxious and judgmental.

Is ‘sure’ the more cultured way of saying ‘wha’eva?’

Whatevs babes as they’d say in Essex

If this post is not a deliberate wind up. Please read the following.

I am so sorry for you that your refined sensibilities have been so offended and upset by local people.

You sound like a cross between Hyacinth Bouquet and Margot from the Good Life. Very superior and patronising.

These local people may be from generations of Essex people. And if not, they have at least lived there longer than you have.

Bling culture has been in the ascendancy since Thatcher came power. The Conservatives practically invented it. Remember Loads of Money.

But people just latch on to whatever is fashionable and what their friends have and want to do. They want to belong. A Cultural thing with many influences and factors out of your control. Which you may agree with or not. It changes with each generation.

You cant tell people how to do live their lives. The Age of Masters and Servants has long gone.

I think you should move to a more up market place, where you can meet your type of people

Maybe you should go to Essex!

@Auntietosevenit’s been London since 1965.

Why did you move to Essex in the first place

So why did you move to Essex in first place?

But why do you have to “fit in” to be polite, friendly and sort out play dates for the kids? I don’t know why you’re giving this so much headspace.

To quote The Bard, ‘the lady doth protest too much methinks’. Hamlet Act 3, Scene 2.

Get me! An Essex girl quoting Shakespeare. Just goes to show that gel nails and an education aren’t mutually exclusive. 😂

Hello, I went to college in hornchurch and lived about 30 mins away by bus. You would have to drag my cold, dead body back to Essex 🤣 my mum and brother still live there and so I visit the place against my will quite often. It's a standing reminder that I made the right choice. Loads of people from school have moved away too.

Anyway, where are you commuting to? Sutton is affordable and a bit more down to earth.

I was born in London, grew up and went to school in Essex and I actually do know where you're coming from. I didn't fit in at my school because I wasn't "quite" Essex and I used to find the inverted snobbery of the other kids actually very irritating. Everything even back then was about what their parents had, who went bloody pony riding, clothes, image. I hated it. I also remember my Mum distancing herself from the other parents quite a bit. Its not all of Essex but it definitely was a thing where I was. I moved away in my early 20s.

Absolutely this it’s still this right now!!!!!!!!!

Yes, they seem very superficial and you need to find your own "tribe" - otherwise it can affect your own self confidence.

🎣🤬

Trust me, that's not how you are coming over!

Yeah it is coastalTendring though, which cancels out the north Essex protective factor somewhat. 😉 😂

I am in north Essex around the Essex university area and I really don't see much of the stereotypical Essex type mentioned where I live, although I know it's definitely a thing. I just associate that with the greater London side of Essex, like Dagenham and Epping, and not so common in Wivenhoe or brightlingsea, Manningtree or Colchester. Or it it is, then they're certainly easy to avoid.

I hope you find an area where you can settle and meet more like-minded friends.

Living there, growing up there and spending my adult life there trust me when I say it is a bit of both. Even within the Havering areas there is a big variation in sentiment! The "new" people will feel it is London and the people who have been there longer are likely to feel it is more Essex. Officially from an administrative point of view yes it is a London Borough. But people and feelings and perception dont always fit neatly into little official admin boxes.

The Elizabeth Line would have changed it further towards a London feeling no doubt.

@Auntietoseven born there when it was Essex lived there now it’s London and loving the access to the city, coast and countryside.

I think you mean gel 'nows' (my DD was so amused by this when she was 7 and we moved to Essex).