To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

Wouldn't it be easier to move away than abroad?

You are bigoted. I’m not from Essex but my sister in law is and she is nothing like the women you describe.

That’s one woman and good for her!

She has lots of friends and relatives who are also nothing like what you describe. You cannot tar every woman in an entire county with the same brush.

Bigoted against people from Essex 😂

OP is very clearly talking about a particular stereotype and calibre of person, of course a whole county of people are not going to share the same characteristics as each other. She knows this, you know this, we all know this. But continue with your performative outrage.

It is bigotry against the people of Essex though 🤷‍♀️

I'm not one for sweeping generalisations but I have to say, every woman I've met from Essex has been vacuous, obsessed with looks and money, incredibly rude about overweight people and generally unpleasant to be around.

The stereotype has rung true so far but I live in hope because it just cannot be the general rule, right?

I live in same area as you OP. With children who go to a school in the area. I go on the school run with zero make up, in workout clothes ready for lunch break workout and hair not particularly done and see loads of others in the playground looking similar to me! Sure there are also plenty of people with their face on, with not a hair out of place and i wonder where they find the time in the morning 😅 but on the whole theres a whole range of people, looks and personalities just as you’d expect from somewhere with that many people. E.g some people i know are made up on the school run but not at all like the rest of the stereotype described when you talk with them.

I get that the area has a reputation and there are definitely some local restaurants etc that i would avoid on a saturday night because they can get a bit, for want of a better word chavvy, but instead when we go we go for lunch as suits us better.

There may be a higher proportion of materialistic people here but still plenty that aren't focused on that.

This!

You can’t gel because you look down on them. I have plenty of friends / acquaintances that are very different to me. I “gel”, or get on with people from different backgrounds because I don’t sit there thinking about how tacky their holiday is.

I’m sorry but I find the majority to be what I and other posters have described. Materialistic and very vapid. It’s a different feel to other counties I’ve been to.

I don’t look down on them, but I find it boring to be chatting about shopping, who’s having what done to their house, designer items and fillers all the time….or what Holly Willoughby does in her spare time.

Join a book club.
Your DD will just have to endure holidays with you or make friends once there.

I'm Essex born and bred, moved back close by and also work around there. I knew you'd get a lot of stick with the stereotype! 🤣

There's a stereotype of Essex girls dating back to Sharon and Tracey in the 80s, what you're describing is just a modern version of that. But the stereotype is there for a reason! There are a lot of people like that, but also lots who aren't.

I've found it hard to live back here after living in London and around the world. I'm not particularly interested in my appearance or holidays in Dubai. My friends from childhood are scattered about, not many still live in Essex, we all escaped!

So it's taken a while to 'find my tribe' here. There's plenty of people more like me, you just have to put more effort in, more than just meeting people at the school gates. There's also a lot of people who are very well 'put together' and are also lovely, kind people with good hearts.

I would agree with joining a book club as a way to meet people and laughed A LOT at that comment.

But moving is also an option - I visited a friend in a city up north recently and was a teeny bit jealous at all the lovely alternative places and people she had in her life. It feels very different down here.

So what do you bring to the conversation? Because they may think you’re boring too.

But your argument specifically in your last post was that the OP was targeting the entire county and not all individuals share the same characteristics, which isn’t true. It was clear she was only referring to a certain stereotype and you’re still harping on about bigotry against the Essex community. Are you deliberately trying to act slow and miss the point? And so what if she is criticising a certain personality type? Are these specific individuals exempt from criticism purely because they’re from Essex?

I’m sure they do think I’m boring hence why we don’t gel.

I don’t live in Essex but there’s people exactly like that here (minus the Dubai holidays I guess I live in a poor neighbourhood because I don’t know many people who could afford that)

But yeah it’s basically an introverts nightmare. Absolutely nothing against these people they’re free to live how they want and I think on some subconscious level I’m a little jealous of how extroverted and happy they seem

I think despite living in same area we must spend our time in different places then.

Of course there are materialistic and vapid people and as I said before, i admit that my understanding is that there is a higher ratio of materialistic people here but i have old friends and playground mum friends and the topics you mention as ‘essex mum’ conversations do not come up… shopping, designer items and Holly W….

Perhaps you just need a branch out a bit further with new hobbies/ways to meet people. I have seen a few suggestions here and hope they help you.

Thank you. Where are you based? As I’m perplexed.

Very stereotypical essex! Where are you from?

Honestly people tend to move to the commuter towns that are like them which is why the ‘type’ continues. Ive known essex mums and surrey mums. Berks/bucks/oxfordshire is quite different.

Ignore the previous poster OP, you’re not stuck up for wanting more conversational substance in your friendships. I’ve been in the presence of the same sort of company before, and it’s exhausting. I talk to my usual friends about politics, what is going on in the world in other countries, different cultural norms and behavioural patterns, foreign cooking and cuisines, what the meaning of life is…. I’m Slavic and can’t do small talk it’s not in us 😂 I attempted to speak to one these said individuals in my usual style and I got “Awww no way really? Awww that’s deep that”. Yeah, beyond their intellectual capabilities.

What differences have you noticed

Haha! Yes that’s exactly the type of reply I’d get. Or “no way gwan”.
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