To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

This 100%

ALSO, can I ask why do you think they're so obsessed with aesthetics? Im always wondering that. There's a child who my daughter went to school with and they always had to look like they came out of a photo shoot. And that was the case for both siblings and the whole family of 4. I never understood why they couldn't even have a hair out of place, for example.

You might find your child gets defensive with you when you slag off her friends when she's older!!

I’m entitled to an opinion - just like you.
nothing defensive about it - what random strangers think is of no consequence to me

i don’t particularly like Essex tbf - too built up. But family live here so……

I live, and have grown up in Essex. I have no experience of your findings and can’t believe you’d think everyone is like this?! Ragebait indeed. I hate to think where on earth in Essex you live, but it’s absolutely not all the same. Moving to a more palatable area seems much simpler than moving abroad??!

Its a few years old now, but at the time I remember finding this article quite insightful https://www.theguardian.com/news/2019/jun/27/the-invention-of-essex-how-a-county-became-a-caricature

I still remember going to baby groups when my DS was a few months old (bear in mind this was covid). He was invariably dressed in a baby grow/pjs and all the other babies would be in pristine matching sets (always beige, no bright colours). I had my second up north and can now confirm its not like that everwhere. And don’t get me started on the expensive cakes and balloon arches at birthday parties, literally from age 1/2. Crazy...

HAHA yes and the balloons that look like a load of piles!!!

That seems like a sweeping generalisation about a pretty large county.
Maybe the people you meet are talking about holidays to the ME or whatever you think seems shallow because they aren't your close friends. They've just making small talk.

They might be wanting to talk about the latest Almodovar movie or reading Dostoyevsky. Or discuss astrophysics or geopolitics, classical music, comparative theology? Maybe they find the culture of the Middle East fascinating? They might want to talk about their earnest feelings, doubts, desires, troubles etc. but not to people they barely know! Who seem different.

I'm not saying being into any of those subjects makes you interesting or smart, or that you are necessarily into them OP. Or you should conform.

But making assumptions about entire groups of people makes it incredibly difficult to infiltrate this group as you're not treating them as individuals. They'll see that and feel you have no interest in them personally. They'll feel judged.

I have met a lot of Essex based women through work, they are generally a lot more well put together, image conscious and materialistic.

Yes they are extremely materialistic!

I grew up in a rough part of Essex and I know the type of person you mean. But I've met similar people everywhere.

Essex is very varied - Saffron Walden is very different from Basildon for example. But even in the rough parts everyone is not the same. My parents are still there, nothing like you describe and have a great social life. The friends I made at school couldn't have given two hoots about skin care. I definitely agree with seeking out hobbies to find like-minded people.

I also had friends who ARE in to skin care and say babes though...who are really lovely people and very smart.

I respect your post and im not going to be mean or anything but honestly I have family living all over the UK and ive only noticed this type of person/people where I am sadly!

🍿

One of the nicest friends I have ever met is Essex born and bred.

YABU to say Essex as not all parts are like it. Although there’s a few places like it so it could be quite a list and not just like saying Shoeburyness!! But even within towns like this, there will be pockets of variety

Yeah but then they'd out themselves! 🤣 They're probably hoping the rage bait threads (which are obviously written by mumsnet staff) don't get picked up as rage bait! I love that they've written two separate threads in one day with extreme regional stereotypes and still people don't get it and get all ragey.

Wow. What on earth did I just read? If you're struggling to make friends, OP, it hasn't got anything to do with the mums being from Essex. Sounds like you need a personality transplant.

wow.
You’ve clearly never spent time in my town then.

What have some women in your specific town got to do with the whole of Essex?

I lived in Essex for many years there is a lot of truth in what the op says. Those of you that are jumping on her don’t really know. I now live in a different county and the difference is palpable xx

Thank you!

can I ask where you moved to so I may fantasise haha

Just read other posts such as the one below yours, they all get what I mean so you don’t have to!

The key there is that they are prejudice like you.

Where else have you lived in Essex other than your current town?

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me.

I’ve met these types of people OP. Very uncultured people. Lack very little knowledge of the world (beyond Marbella and Dubai) and other cultures, have very narrow mindsets.

Chavs with money.

EXACTLY! spot on.