To have never gelled with "Essex mums"

[aseryhg]

Me and my husband have lived in Essex for a while now and have always thought of moving away (possibly abroad). We were nearly able to sell our house but it fell through and our daughter started a very good state school here and seems settled but we always talk about moving as soon as we can.

Anyway, I find Essex mums difficult to get along with. The ones i've met through school mostly seem to be obsessed with appearances, labels (kitting their kids out in designer outfits etc), going on holidays in Dubai/UAE (which I find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks, they're always eating out rather than cooking/enjoying home made meals.... etc etc they don't seem to have screen limits for their kids (their children all seem to be on tiktoks and posting videos on their tiktoks). It all seems foreign to me. In fact it can't be a coincidence that the few mum friends ive made friends with all aren't from Essex and grew up in different parts of the UK.

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!

I know what you mean OP. We lived on the London/Essex border when we had DD and I was amazed at how underdressed I used to feel at soft play. I’d be in old jeans with baby sick down my front and it seemed like everyone else was fully made up, fake lashes and calling each other babes.

One of the reasons we left was that even the private schools locally boasted not-very-good GCSE results and were very much about showing off wealth. There was one good grammar school but very tricky to get into from where we lived.

I was working full time so admit I didn’t try very hard to find my people, and if DD had started school there, I would have tried harder, but I didn’t love the shallow vibe I got from the place.

Very showy money with very little taste.

Ha ha yes I also know what you mean… there’s a real vibe like you describe around Loughton / Chigwell / Brentwood etc, and they understandably tend to all gravitate towards each other. I agree with getting out to things like book groups, as there are also lots of families living there for the travel connections to London, who aren’t anything like the stereotypes.

This! Yes! they're so obsessed with being showy!!!

Yea I get that. That's partly the reason we moved here due to the decent commute into the city!

then move?

The common denominator is YOU in that scenario 😂
I worked with "Essex mums" , they were just as educated, interesting, professionals as "Surrey mums"

Aibu to feel right about not fitting in in Essex!
you are so judgmental and clearly have far too much time on your hands, I doubt you'd fit anywere. Is it because working mums look down at you that in turn you start looking down at others?

find quite soulless and tacky) rather than cultural breaks
oh dear 😂😂

Well if you care to read other comments on my post you'll see that many think in exactly the way I do!

Essex is a big place, my friends live in Finchingfield, the prettiest village in the uk, its the opposite of what you describe....i guess you might be near braintree etc..?

Yes I do appreciate there will be other not so known areas perhaps that aren't like this but yes we live Upminster way.

you're the one who started the thread, and who claims they are superior.

Some of the posters dont' know further than TOWIE

That explains a lot.
West Essex is just weird to be fair.
All range rovers and cream carpets.
I'm Essex born and bred and see that part of Essex as a micro county. Not quite Essex, not quite London. All the shallow.

Ah interesting and you're right it really does seem to be like that! Exactly that in fact, 4x4s cream carpets etc

😄

If it takes the heat off Surrey...

I live in mid-Essex, and I also find it hard to get with the other stereotypical TOWIE-like mums. But I've found loads that aren't (they're just normal women), and we get along like a house on fire.

I am pretty sure not all kids are in designer clothes or all families holiday in Dubai.

You haven't found the right mums I would say. Most likely they work and aren't that visible at the school gates. I time school runs. I don't hang around.

Women make up over half the population in Essex.

If you can't gel with any of them (whether they've had DC or not), then the common denominator here is you.

sure.

Maybe move to Canvey or Clacton you might find your tribe there. Failing that there’s always Ilford.

I also found it quite a sexist place to live (I wasn’t far from Chigwell). The beauty standard for women was excessive - and the men’s attitudes to women were very much “I give her some money for her lashes to keep my bird quiet”.

Very footballers’ wives where we lived.

The area was changing even as we left though - the old East End baddie done good was moving out to Spain and a large Polish community was moving in.

Why are you so bothered?

You must have lots of friends with your open minded personality, why would you be looking for more?!?

I meant I wanted friends because my daughter wanted to go away on holiday with her friends from school and so I had to get to know her friends parents. I have enough friends of my own from where I grew up!

Lots of the school mums at my kids’ schools were quite into fashion and furnishings and Dubai annd Range Rovers and whatnot, none of which is my scene. We’re in Sussex so clearly this ‘type’ of person exists everywhere. I just waited patiently for the hippies and found some eventually.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. We’re all a product of our upbringing and to a degree people gather in pockets.
I found stay at home Buckinghamshire mums quite hard to deal with - there was a level of fussiness and neuroticism that went beyond what I thought was sensible and had time for. I’m liking Midlands mums much more - but the educated ones rather than the very large ones with multiple kids...!

I would never live in Essex - but what I do love about the people I’ve known from there is the family emphasis. There’s a lot more emphasis on family than in other parts of the south-east where it’s essentially an internal migrant population, most people aren’t from there originally or it doesn’t go back more than one generation.

Fair comment and also totally understand that!

I can't speak for Essex but I grew up in Kendal in Cumbria and left as soon as I could because the whole place was just so small time and I wanted a cosmopolitan life. I still go back there occasionally to see friends but I always leave remembering how much more cultured I am and I can't help but pity the small minds of the people still living there. Why would you even stay in the same place all your life?

I didn't grow up there. It wasn't a choice. It was about affordability and decent commute to the city! More a convenience.