AIBU to feel betrayed after mum let others stay in our house?

[WeFoundLove]

I’ve name changed as I’m guessing this won’t have happened to too many other people this week.

We have been away on holiday and my mum asked if she could stay at our house for a few days when we were away. We live in the countryside and my mum lives in a city so she enjoys being here for a change of pace. I asked what she planned to do and she said not much, just relax, read, go on walks and just have time to herself. I said she was welcome to stay, made up a spare room for her, made her some meals for the freezer and got other food in for her.

We have got back earlier today and our house is not how my mum would normally leave it, just little things like cushions on the sofas were left untidy, the bin and dishwasher were not emptied. We don’t mind, it’s little things, but my husband said that it’s not like my mum and asked if I thought she was ok. I sent my mum a text to say we were home but I didn’t hear back which is unlike her.

We have cameras that record outside and in the hallway so I checked them to see when she left thinking maybe she had stayed longer and was still travelling home. The cameras showed my mum arriving with my step sister, her partner and 1 other person who we don’t know. I can see them all coming and going over 5 days. My mum leaves about 3 hours before the rest of them on the last day they’re here.

I do not get on with my step sister and haven’t spoken to her for years after a big fall out. My mum knows she will never be welcome in our home. I feel so angry and betrayed that my mum has lied to me and let them use our home.

Since checking the cameras, I’ve had a good look in each room. They’ve obviously used other rooms to sleep in and some of our toiletries have been used. I presume they’ve all had a good look around.

My mum still hasn’t answered my text, I’ve also called her and she isn’t answering. We are really angry that my mum has let other people stay here when we only agreed she could. Obviously I will speak to mum but how would you feel and react to this? My husband says we will need to change the locks and we’ll never trust them again, which at the moment I agree with. It’s my mum and I’m trying to think of good reasons she would have allowed this and think it’s okay but she knows I hate my SS so there really isn’t any good reason.

I can only imagine how betrayed and sad you must be feeling right now. Personally I feel your DM has been extremely disrespectful and I would be taking a step back. She obviously knows she has done wrong by ignoring your calls.
Leave her to think about how she's done you wrong, hopefully you will get an apology but know never to let her stay in your house again while you are away. Was she aware you have cameras?

I find it bizarre that she would invite 3 other people to stay in your house and sleep in unprepared beds. A teenage child might be that thoughtless but I would never expect it of my mother. It seems odd she prioritises your stepsister who isn’t even her daughter over you who is. Is she still with your stepsister’s father that he was pushing this? It all seems very bizarre

Change the locks yourself, much cheaper and very easy to do.

to me this is one of the most awful things I’ve read on here. You use the word ‘betrayed’ and that’s exactly what this is. This is your Mum, someone you love and trust and took care to give a special touch to something she’d asked for - and she chose to actively put her step daughter over you! It’s unbelievable that this involved, not just putting SD first, but facilitating her to violate your most personal space. It’s a genuinely awful scenario and has many complex layers to it if you are going to unravel it - I don’t know your mother (obviously!) but I cannot believe she did this!

You're right, you are offering terrible advice. You should be ignored.

But thanks for moving my comment to the bottom of the thread where it can more easily be seen.

Agtee

Has your mother got back to you? Tell her that you are really upset with her. Tell her she needs to pay for the locks to be changed and she will not be staying at your house again. She really has betrayed your trust.

I would be invoicing your mum for the cost of having the locks changed and a cleaner come in and then taking a step back from the relationship

No, step is married in. Half is sharing same DNA as one parent. No blending in my family either but it's quite basic knowledge.

Yeah I’d be very hurt and angry 😔

I would absolutely feel violated and want to change all the locks.

As an aside, and if you have the money to throw at the key situation, you can go to a master locksmith, who will be able to build all your locks to use just one key. It does cost more, but less than double the amount. They will then be the only ones allowed to make copies of your keys.

Huge disrespect from your mum and a breach of trust, I would definitely be changing the locks and your mum would never be given the chance to stay again.

This is outrageous behaviour. I'd be calling the police tbh, you have no idea what's taken place.

That would be half sister.
OP said step sister.

If you have that many locks to change look up videos on YouTube and do it yourself. I’d change all the locks.

I wouldn’t actually bring it up with your mum now. Youve tried, and she’ll just come up with excuses that make you angry-and there’s no excuse as to why what she has done is acceptable.

Id just chat with her as normal, in future meeting at her house or out.

If she brings up the stay say I’d rather we don’t talk about it, I saw you had step-sister here and me and DH are both very upset and I don’t want to fight with you about it.

If she asks to stay again, say no, last time you stayed you had step-sister here and you knew we wouldn’t like that so we don’t feel comfortable with that right now.

This is really bad. I’d be furious. You should change the locks.

I remember a post a few months ago where someone’s daughter had a party when they were away. The house got trashed, but then was burgled by someone from the party getting into the house with keys they had taken. The insurance wouldn’t pay as the house wasn’t broken into as they had keys. Therefore you must, must get your locks changed.

I was going to raise this too, OP. If you haven't already, do an inventory of everything that others might see as valuable. It only takes a minute for someone dodgy to put a few things in their pockets.

I just wouldn't be able to speak to her again. she has shown where her loyalties lie with SD not you.
Thinking about the bedding and towels absolutely yuck. and a last slap in the face Mother leaving them in the house and fucking off home.
I'd be livid.
Sorry this has happened to you @WeFoundLove because it is wrong on so many levels.

So, it's obvious she has horribly betrayed you. You are definitely not being unreasonable. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling - your own mother :( I hope you can update us at some point. But if not, good luck with it all.

This is awful. Apart from changing the locks is there anyway that they could have found any financial stuff too.
Your Mum is terrible to do this to you and like you I would have been so hurt and disrespected. Why did she do it for heavens sake. It made me sad when you said you like doing nice things for your mum and she betrays you like this.
This is one of the worse betrayals I have read on here.
Can't you go to your mums and bang on the door until she answers. She is not replying because she knows she was totally in the wrong.

Erm so just carry on as normal would you?

I quite agree. I would lay money on the fact that when she speaks to her mother, her mother will say she’s over reacting, what’s the problem. It will be DARVO central.

Even if you were best friends with your stepsister, that is not on.

I wouldn't ever let my mum stay again.

I agree with PP, I'd be furious. Your mums obviously ignoring you because she knows how angry you are. I wouldn't let this drop with her though. Oh and yes to changing the locks, as mentioned, I also thought about the lady whose daughter threw a party and then they were robbed afterwards.