Daughter’s boyfriend STINKS.

[canyounotplease]

My DD is 19, her BF is 20. He’s a nice enough guy, however me and my husband are having some issues with his hygiene. The main issue is that he works in a kitchen, and when he comes to see DD, he does so straight after work without showering. When I say he stinks of BO, I’m not just talking about when you get close to him, her room stinks to high heaven and it sinks into any room or furniture he’s been on. We have a weekly cleaner who went into her room after he’d been over and was absolutely shocked by how much it smells - she ended up changing the sheets and using carpet cleaner and other sprays to get rid of it.

Another time, my husband went upstairs and exclaimed, ‘it fucking stinks’, to which point the boyfriend laughed and said it was him. Husband then told him to have a shower which he did do, but this doesn’t seem to have embarrassed him enough and he continues to come over stinking.

My DD is incredibly neat and clean so I am shocked she tolerates it. We’ve mentioned it to her and she just shrugs her shoulders and says he comes straight from work.

Other minor issues are constantly leaving the toilet seat up, not washing hands after using the toilet and leaving dirty pots lying around where ever he’s been. There’s no thought to put it in the sink or dishwasher. We could live with that though, it’s the smell that is repulsive.

I don’t understand how his parents haven’t said anything and I’m not sure how we deal with this issue without completely alienating DD and her boyfriend?

I shudder to think he works in a kitchen!!!

I don't get it. How does this not bother her? I'd rather be single every day for the rest of my life than have sex with someone with stinking BO. If I have to smell it for too long I eventually vomit.

It's your house. He doesn't come over until after he has showered.

Oh, yes, just tell her to tell him, and if she doesn't tell her that you will. And, do it! I could not tolerate this in my partner for sure, but also not in anyone who came regularly into my home.

I couldn't live with that. I would just be honest I'm afraid! I would say he was not welcome after work unless he has a shower, and I would be telling him to wash him hands and wash up the bloody pots, else he is not welcome.

Who are those people who'll always click YABU even on this type of thread?

I'm sorry, OP, but I wouldn't want him in the house. I'm not sure how your daughter can bear to be near him. I'm not sure why he's still in a job if he's so filthy, too.

My husband already told him he ‘fucking stinks’ and made him have a shower, it seems he has no shame as if this happened to me I’d be mortified!! I feel like I need to hygiene check him before he steps over the threshold which is ridiculous given he’s a 20 year old man.

You have to tell him he can't come until your house until he has had a shower. Tell him what your cleaner said. Tell him he needs to consider his colleagues and your daughter

This has made me feel a bit 🤢 I don’t know how your daughter can tolerate it. Another vote her for him not being allowed in your house unless he has a shower.

Just tell him as he obviously has the skin of a rhino and has no capacity for shame or mortification Shower and clean clothes before he comes over and tidies up after himself when he’s in the house.

Yeah the working in the kitchen bit isn't really relevant. DS is 18 and works in a kitchen, yes sometimes his chef's whites are a bit minging and smell of chips or whatever he's been cooking that day but he himself is not smelly.

However, kitchens are hot working environments and if he's not washing and putting on deoderant that's going to make the stench worse.

Tell him he can't come over unless he is clean and smells clean.

DD is not the boss of you and DH.

Ew. How is your daughter dating a boy who isn’t at all house-trained ?!
I would tell her to tell him that he needs a wash and fresh clothes before visiting, or you’ll tell him yourself.

Not washing hands after bathroom activities absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. His gut bacteria will be all over your house and your daughter! 🤮 🤢

I have a very sensitive nose.
I open every window every day to blow out the house, 10 minutes even in winter.
I could not have that smell infecting the fabric of my house.

I would tell my daughter, she tells him or I will.

He sounds like an uncouth filthy oik.
I wouldn't be encouraging the relationship.

I would be so disappointed that my daughter could be around such a fellow.

It is relevant. He must have poor hygiene as he doesn't wash his hands either after the loo. The chefs I knew did not stink after a day in the restaurant.

I think the fact that he doesn't wash his hands after using the loo is very relevant for somebody working with food!

I can't understand why people put up with this.

He works in a kitchen stinking like that? Doesn't wash his hands either 🤮
I hosted a friend and her son for a few weeks when their house was flooded.
After the first night of honking trainers and rancid feet, I had to tell him he needed to shower and leave the trainers outside.
Being blunt worked for me.
If they want the use of your facilities, some rules and regulations aren't unreasonable imo.

Bull by the horns time OP!!

”Greg, we love having you over to visit but for the love of god, you are going to have to shower before arriving. Either that or we install a sheep dip at the door. I am being serious- your work is making you honk”.

So you frame it like it’s not his fault but it’s his work. And be slightly humorous and dramatic to cover awkwardness.

He simply does not care/lazy? He's old enough to know to shower and he's old enough to wash his hands after a trip to the loo. He's gross.

Never ever eat where he works. It may be harsh but I would tell him he needs to shower and change before be comes over as he’s making the house smell. I used to work in a kitchen, you do stink after, I can’t imagine keeping my kitchen clothes on for a minute more than needed.

Next time he walks in say "Go straight up and get in the shower lad. The smell of that kitchen on you stinks the house out."

Everyone he steps through the door, direct him to the shower.

DD2 works in restaurant/kitchen. Perhaps a slight foody smell when she comes in but definitely no b.o. Buy him an anti-perspirant subscription for Christmas.

He works in a kitchen and doesn’t wash his hands 🤮

he works in a kitchen and leaves his plates lying around? Bet he doesn’t do that at work. Tell your daughter he cannot come round unless he washes first and is wearing clean clothes. Wretching just thinking about it!