Daughter’s boyfriend STINKS.

[canyounotplease]

My DD is 19, her BF is 20. He’s a nice enough guy, however me and my husband are having some issues with his hygiene. The main issue is that he works in a kitchen, and when he comes to see DD, he does so straight after work without showering. When I say he stinks of BO, I’m not just talking about when you get close to him, her room stinks to high heaven and it sinks into any room or furniture he’s been on. We have a weekly cleaner who went into her room after he’d been over and was absolutely shocked by how much it smells - she ended up changing the sheets and using carpet cleaner and other sprays to get rid of it.

Another time, my husband went upstairs and exclaimed, ‘it fucking stinks’, to which point the boyfriend laughed and said it was him. Husband then told him to have a shower which he did do, but this doesn’t seem to have embarrassed him enough and he continues to come over stinking.

My DD is incredibly neat and clean so I am shocked she tolerates it. We’ve mentioned it to her and she just shrugs her shoulders and says he comes straight from work.

Other minor issues are constantly leaving the toilet seat up, not washing hands after using the toilet and leaving dirty pots lying around where ever he’s been. There’s no thought to put it in the sink or dishwasher. We could live with that though, it’s the smell that is repulsive.

I don’t understand how his parents haven’t said anything and I’m not sure how we deal with this issue without completely alienating DD and her boyfriend?

Ban him from the house and tell your daughter to go visit him after work instead. Tell her the reason why. He sounds revolting.

I have very little sense of smell (but I shower all the time as I’m paranoid). Perhaps he’s not fully aware?

Absobloodylutely he doesn’t come over until he’s had a good shower and clean clothes….put your foot down OP x

I honestly don't get how working in a kitchen means that he stinks of BO.

Even if he does a long shift in a physically demanding job, he's absolutely not going to reek of BO, as long as he started the shift when he was washed, wearing plenty of deodorant, and dressed in clean clothes.

It sounds like the actual problem is his day-to-day hygiene, not his job. The job is just a red herring (although it sounds like even a month-old red herring would smell better than this dirty man-slob).

I'd tell him straight he is not welcome in the house straight after work. He must go home and have a shower first. If it upsets your daughter she should have told him herself.

Toilet seat up and dishes left out are just another irritation but not washing his hands after using the toilet is unacceptable, particularly for someone who works in a kitchen.

He’s being very disrespectful towards you in your own home. I’d tell your DD that Mr Smelly isn’t welcome to visit again and they can meet up away from your house.

Exactly this.

Understandable if he smells of cooking, not BO.

You have my sympathy OP.

Yep, this, your house you get to make the rules. Either she/they can go to his place or he can meet minimum hygiene standards but to "invade" your home as he is doing, no, just no. Your DD has made her choice as she is free to do but you are entitled to make yours too.

Tell him straight, 'you're not welcome round here until you've sorted your hygiene out, mate. I get you've been at work all day but you need to go home and shower first, it's rank and I'm not having smelly people in my house. And wash your hands after the toilet as well, it's disgusting not to, you work with food for fucks sake.'

His parents clearly haven't raised him right so he's going to have to learn the hard way.

I'd have a stern word. None a this "gentle" bollocks i keep seeing neither. He either comes over, straight in the shower & tidies up after himself or he doesn't come over. Uuugh. This man's response for making
people food, he sounds grotesque.
i have 4 sons. The eldest 3 shower 2 x a day. 1 has a shower after work just to go play football then showers after football as well. If one of mine came home and said his gf mum & dad said he stunk and he's not allowed over till his hygienes improved I'd say too right you smelly git.

I'd also speak to DD about what she feels she has to tolerate in a relationship.

Straight up honesty is your best option here.

If you don’t like this behaviour nip it in the bud.

Tell him that he shows up clean or not at all and tbh if your daughter has a problem with that, tough shit.
She might be willing to overlook the stench but there's no reason you have to.

Why can't he go home, change and shower before coming over? It is worrying that he isn't making any basic effort for your dd. I dread to think of the future if this is the early stages of their relationship.

Could he have bromhidrosis? If so there may not be much he can do about the smell. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/sep/21/agony-of-life-with-chronic-body-odour-tried-every-deodorant?CMP=ShareiOSAppOther

How can your daughter put up with this?
I remember a male family member being like this when i was a child.
To this day just the thought of it makes me heave!
You could literally smell him when he'd been to the house, it was even in the funiture and curtains!😩

If he doesn’t wash his hands after using the loo then he wouldn’t be welcome in my house. The BO is a secondary issue. Also vile, but secondary.

Exactly, even my 5 year old knows to wash hands after going to the toilet.

This.

blame his work

amazed his colleagues havnt said anything

and if he smells like this now , God knows what he is like in summer and hot

Where is he originally from? I used to work in kitchen and believe me, some people simply don't understand what's wrong, because it was not an issue in their household....We had a chef who used to take a bath every Sunday ONLY. You can imagine the smell after 5 days in hot kitchen.

He is Turkish, I’m not sure if that makes a cultural difference?

I doubt he has a medical condition because after my husband told him to shower, he didnt smell anymore. I had to wash my sofa covers today as he’d been lounging on it yesterday and it absolutely stank, the whole living room was ponging.

I think I will talk to my DD and insist she tells him or else me and her dad will and likely be much harsher and meaner!

I'd just tell him straight ... don't come after work, go home, shower and change your clothes beforehand
Also ...
Wash your hands after using loo and out seat down ... if not don't come round.

Gross, he has absolutely no respect for you or your home… or your daughter either really. Imagine inflicting yourself on people in their home knowing you fucking stink 🤢 the pots and pans and general messy behaviour really just reinforces his disrespect. He could buck his ideas up fast or he’d not be welcome in our home anymore, if it were me.

You need to be a lot more direct. I personally would not have him in my house anymore.

Turks are culturally much cleaner than Brits, they all have bidet pipes in their bathrooms.