AIBU to feel upset after my friend commented on DD's pull-ups?

[DearDog96]

For context: I have written on here before about my struggles potty training DD and acknowledge that I definitely should’ve started sooner and been more persistent so before you all come for me, I know what I should’ve done!

anyway… after school today one of my best friends from back when I was in school was round and DD needed changing (still in pull ups). She was only wet and all her stuff was downstairs so I did it in the living room (friend has seen it all before, she’s regularly round our house). Once I’d finished with DD she processed to make comments at DD about how she thought she was a big girl but might have to change her mind now she knows she’s still in nappies (she’s known all along which I found weird). She made a few other comments about how she’s too old for them etc.

I know a lot of it is true, and she’s probably trying to help by pressuring DD into using the toilet, but I felt it was a bit out of order and almost like she was indirectly calling me a shit parent. AIBU?

@McSpoot Fair honestly I didn't really think about it that way thanks for helping me 💙🧡

Looks like the A-holes are online. 🙄🤬🤦‍♀️

@DearDog96 Your friend is a bitch for her comments. You are not a failure. Barring medical issues your dc is going at her own pace. Relax and ignore the jerks here. Just gently keep encouraging your dd.

You could try: Go bare bum at home, 30 mins at a time, and after a few days increase to 45mins, then an hour etc. Have her sit on potty at waking and before bed and with every change and each time tell her, pee/poo goes in the potty, Love, I know you can do it.

Shaming a child is never a successful behavioural strategy. People are obsessed with potty training and MN is full of posters who claim their child was potty trained between ages1 and 2 over a weekend. See also sleep training. 🙄
🩷💐

This is one of the oddest comments I think I’ve ever read on Mn. Quite apart from the fact that no one should be changing a school-aged child’s nappy in front of someone else, do you actually stick like glue to all visitors, as though you think they’re going to run off with the family silver if left alone in your house for a minute?

@newmommy2006yay
No need for the sarcasm. As a previous poster says would you invite a visitor into the toilet with you?

@CoddledEgos kinda I have trust issues 🙃

"There's no reason outside of SEND why a 4 year old should be in pull-ups."

There could be any number of reasons why.

@SeptemberRains sorry if I came off as sarcastic it was not my intention 😅

@SeptemberRains i mostlikey have autism so I apologize if you see me in other comment sections and I seem sarcastic it's not my intention honestly I'm so sorry

@DearDog96 the only unreasonable bit was the fact she did it indirectly.

Stop messing about on mumsnet and stop failing your child...

This is ridiculous and shouldn't be normalised your 4 yrs X m old child should be treated like a baby. You are doing her no favours.

A dummy and bottle what?!

If a child so struggling I can see how pull ups may help temporarily but this doesn’t seem to be what’s going on then.

@newmommy2006yay
💐

She shouldn’t have said anything but I’ve seen your multiple other threads and wonder what replies you’re hoping for here. Just get on with potty training her ffs, straight to the loo from tomorrow. She’s bloody miles behind her peers, you have a lot of work to do catching her up.

I don't routinely get naked in front of my family. Do you? If not, why not as you seem to think it is OK for a child.
Also, do you hold your pee when you have a friend visiting because I can guarantee you most of us are perfectly ok tl both leave other people momentarily to pee and be left when the host needs to use the bathroom. What a strange take...

Arseholes and bitch? Nice.

Your daughter is at school and in pull ups? Do you want her to be bullied?

Do you often go bare bum at home? This is a school age child and on their threads OP said that they just didn't bother with potty training because they didn't see the need. Now there is a need because the child is at school!
When do you think would be a good time for her then? When she starts uni?

Are you ND OP? Genuine question. There just seems to be something “off centre” about your approach generally and functioning style. You’ve been posting for six months about the same issues but haven’t made progress with any of them- dummy, nappies or bottles. You also talk about feeling overwhelmed, things being chaotic, not noticing things or them occurring to you and yet you sound like you have a supportive hands on husband and family and for a significant period only one child.

You seem to hyper focus on things like a lot of knickers needing washing, what your friends or MIL think etc. It’s unusual for people to completely misunderstand or eschew social norms and typical ages for children to be doing things such as being out of nappies, not getting them naked in front of others, having dummies, having bottles.

. It’s rare for a school age child to still be doing ALL of these things. And your repeated threads about the same issues but making no progress. I might be completely on the wrong track but it seems to be me to point to a non-typical way of processing and thinking. But I’m no expert and can’t armchair diagnose.

This.

Yes, this.

Seems like the child is around 5 and in nappies? Whatever the reason is for that, yes, take her elsewhere to change her.

Oh dear, your child is still not toilet trained.
Is she still on bottles and having dummies.

One day you will realise the age she actually is and stop babying her, you are doing her no favours at all.

If you think your friends comment made you feel like shit, can you imagine how your daughter will feel when the class start to make fun of her because of nappies and dummies?

Please do your best OP. Try star charts for toilet and dummies. It's not fair on her, it really isn't. And you may wreck her teeth.

btw pull ups are exactly that they can be pulled up and down by the child, so she needs to do that - going to the toilet and taking them off when wet.

In this whole scenario, the thing to be upset about isn’t your friend’s comments and it says a lot that it is (you’re right, everyone else is wrong). Stop it now with your DD, you’re harming her by not letting her learn.

Nah she was out of order to make your dd feel bad/ uncomfortable about the situation. Telling a child between the age of 2-6 ‘they’re not a big girl’ could really impact the child’s view of themselves.
from 5-7 the child ‘can’ in some cases have the skills to not take it to heart or laugh at something like this.

For me it’s not the age or potty training being the issue it’s how do you un-do what your friend said if your dd took it to heart- if so

I would say something like ‘I told Jessica you are a big clever girl and you sit on your potty, you are so clever’.
If it went over DDs head then leave it.

Hope you are ok now.

The amount of twats on this thread . Clearly op is trying her best to train her little one .Due to a number of possibilities maybe her little one is struggling why don't you all try shutting your nasty gums up . Op go see gp to explore reasons why it's becoming a issue . More importantly ignore the super parent brigade in here they're generally twats .