AIBU to feel upset after my friend commented on DD's pull-ups?

[DearDog96]

For context: I have written on here before about my struggles potty training DD and acknowledge that I definitely should’ve started sooner and been more persistent so before you all come for me, I know what I should’ve done!

anyway… after school today one of my best friends from back when I was in school was round and DD needed changing (still in pull ups). She was only wet and all her stuff was downstairs so I did it in the living room (friend has seen it all before, she’s regularly round our house). Once I’d finished with DD she processed to make comments at DD about how she thought she was a big girl but might have to change her mind now she knows she’s still in nappies (she’s known all along which I found weird). She made a few other comments about how she’s too old for them etc.

I know a lot of it is true, and she’s probably trying to help by pressuring DD into using the toilet, but I felt it was a bit out of order and almost like she was indirectly calling me a shit parent. AIBU?

If you're close and she treats your kids as one of her own, then I can see that being said in the way I might say it to one of my own kids - "I thought you were a big girl!" can be said in both a loving way and a mean way.

@SeptemberRains no good friends are like family in my opinion it's just like changing her in front of a family room and she's hardly going to leave her friend by herself in her house

None of her business - she needs to zip the lip.

Don’t change her in front of others, she deserves privacy even more so at school age she needs to learn it’s not something we do in front of others.

if she’s at school then your friends comment was right but not said to the right person. Your dd needs trained asap

Is your MIL still giving you grief?

Have you managed to ditch the bedtime bottle yet?

Everyone gave you advise 5 months ago. Have you sorted out the dummy and the bottle yet at least ?

I think you mught br babying your kid too much. Surely a reception aged chikd can dealnwith wet pull up pants herself?

I’m sure many of us are a million miles away from being the perfect parent and perhaps her comments hit harder as you know it is a bit unusual for a child at primary school to need nappies? Only you are in a position to judge the tone of her delivery but her intent may well not have been to embarrass either of you but to encourage a bit of progression?

You know yourself it’s an issue- but if you’re doing absolutely everything you can to support progress and help DD then I’d try not to worry about what other people say or think.

As others have said- definitely don’t change her in front of others. It’s really important she learns that she and others require privacy and dignity- give her as much independence/privacy as possible with changing her pull up.

@newmommy2006yay
You’re wrong. A 4 year old child should not have a pull up changed in front of anyone else.

@DearDog96 did it change your DD’s mindset to wanting to use the toilet and not her nappy?

Tbf, if she’s at school and you haven’t already potty trained her, someone needs to say something at some point. Was she calling you a shit parent? Probably not, just trying to help a situation that needs addressing. However, if it continues then others may say this about you. Unless your dd has SEN that is.

Also so embarrassing for a school age child to be changed in front of people! You need help from outside now if this is real and not some weirdo post obsessed with nappies which I’m starting to wonder tbh

OP, I’m on your other thread. How come DD is back in nappies?

Your friend didn’t sound very kind but I can understand her being a little frustrated with the situation.

she's hardly going to leave her friend by herself in her house

Of course she can leave a friend she's known for years on her own in the living room for 5-10 minutes. What if she needed to go to the loo herself?

Agree with pp, a child of that age should be changed in the bathroom, in private.

Your poor little girl! And her teachers….,

Aside from the privacy issue, changing her in front of others is not helping to teach her that the bathroom is the place for toileting.

I think you should seek some external support for this now if you’re not managing to crack it alone. (From other posters saying you’ve posted before). There may be underlying issues.

You need to find a date to swap her into pants and never go back. Probably the Friday at the beginning of half term will give her a week of time to have accidents. There's no reason outside of SEND why a 4 year old should be in pull-ups. You can get pants that catch small accidents if they head to the toilet a bit late. Just bite the bullet and accept you will be washing a lot of undies for the first couple of weeks.

Awful thing to say, but my god get the pull ups off her!!!

Even apart from the privacy issue, if the child never has to stop what they're doing to go and get changed, because it's all done for them where they are, how does that help motivate them to learn to go to the toilet when needed?

@SeptemberRains I am wrong sorry about that 😐 I was raised to think friends especially Close ones should be treated like family so I apologise

Sorry but this what is so wrong with today's attitude oh she will when she wants to .no if there is nothing with said child you should start about 2 ish and girls train a lot quicker than boys .Just lazy on mothers/fathers part

pathetic, both on the age/pull up's in the day time AND lack of privacy for a school aged child.
personally i would end a friendship over this lazy parenting style, it would drive me around the bend.

I have seen other threads and I do tend to agree with other posters at this point don’t normalise changing her in front of others. I’d worry it would send the message to her that it’s ok to lie with private parts exposed infront of others and at this point you want to be going forwards not backwards. Whatever school are doing you need to be doing at home and they’re not going to be changing her in a classroom in front of others. This absoloutely can’t go on for much longer

Do you invite friends and family into the bathroom when you need to use it? Why do you deserve privacy that a four-year old doesn’t?

Oh man so disappointing to read you’ve gone backwards again