AIBU to feel upset after my friend commented on DD's pull-ups?

[DearDog96]

For context: I have written on here before about my struggles potty training DD and acknowledge that I definitely should’ve started sooner and been more persistent so before you all come for me, I know what I should’ve done!

anyway… after school today one of my best friends from back when I was in school was round and DD needed changing (still in pull ups). She was only wet and all her stuff was downstairs so I did it in the living room (friend has seen it all before, she’s regularly round our house). Once I’d finished with DD she processed to make comments at DD about how she thought she was a big girl but might have to change her mind now she knows she’s still in nappies (she’s known all along which I found weird). She made a few other comments about how she’s too old for them etc.

I know a lot of it is true, and she’s probably trying to help by pressuring DD into using the toilet, but I felt it was a bit out of order and almost like she was indirectly calling me a shit parent. AIBU?

Well out of order. Rude to you, and unkind to your DD. Comments like that only serve to make you both feel bad.

How old is the little one?

You've missed out how old your DD is.

Sorry misread that your DD was in school. Never mind.

although now I’ve reread, I think she might be? if so, read the edit history for my original comment.

You need to change your daughter in the bathroom, not in front of other people no matter how long you have known them. Your child is entitled to privacy and dignity.

I sympathise with the training struggle, I do. But I’m guessing DD is 4+ so it’s definitely in awkward territory.

She might have thought she was helping you by telling your DD how she may be perceived. She may have thought it would give her the push to try harder with it. Good luck OP.

This. 100%
rude of ur friend but u absolutely need to provide privacy for ur daughter

I think I have read your posts and you got lots of advice how to get DD out of nappies. How is it going? At 4 or 5 (guessing but you said after school) she is too old to be changed in the lounge however, she needs to learn about privacy as she will be going into the toilet at school.

If your DD is old enough that the fact she is in pull ups is worth remarking on then it is inappropriate to change her in front of other people.

You need to be taking her to the bathroom to change her.

Is she using the toilet at school @DearDog96 ?

You've been posting about this for months. You've had countless people indirectly (or directly) calling you a shit parent and now you're acting surprised Pikachu face.

It seems like you're posting for attention.

If I’m reading this right and your daughter is at school in nappies, and there’s no special needs, then I think you do need a bit of a push tbh. That’s really not fair on your DD.

if I’ve read it wrong and she’s younger than school age then she maybe should have kept out of it.

This kind of comment would have been unremarkable back in the 70s or 80s and would have been seen as your friend supporting you in your efforts to get your child dry.

But how old is your child? Assuming she has no additional needs, are you saying you didn’t toilet train her before primary school?

The little girl is in Reception.

It was kind of unnecessary, but at the same time, I wonder if she thinks you are babying your daughter and saying those things might help her get enthusiastic about losing the pull ups.

100% You're Not a fault in any way your house your rules I guess keep going she'll be trained someday

I’m assuming your daughter is over 3 based on you saying that you’ve posted about having difficulties with toilet training before.

Your friends comments are inappropriate. Especially those made directly to your daughter. Irrespective of her age, belittling her is profoundly unhelpful.

This. Unhygienic and inappropriate. And of course you fail to mention the child’s age. A 3 year old - understandable. A 5 year old with no SN, less so.

That’s awful

poor little thing

And kids start getting brutal. Nobody wants their kid to be tormented by other kids saying she’s wearing a nappy. If no SEN, you really got to get a move on.

Even if she is in pull ups at school age (assuming no SEN) she should be taking herself to the loo and changing them as she would if she'd had an accident in her underwear, you shouldn't be changing her like she's a baby.

Your friend went about things wrong but was clearly trying to help as the situation with you changing your dd im front of her wasn't appropriate

I’ve just read your other thread: dummy, bottle at night and pull-ups. Please don’t tell me you carry her to and from school as well? Have you dispensed with the buggy? Can she use a knife and fork?

@newmommy2006yay
You really don’t see an issue with a reception aged child being changed in front of another person?

It really is truly awful…

This. I doubt the school staff change her in the classroom!