Partner’s daughter calling ex’s partner dad

[Annie890]

My partner sees his 5 year old daughter on weekends, has her stay over etc.

his ex has been with her boyfriend for about 3 years on and off. Partner’s daughter has started calling the boyfriend daddy now, even when she’s in our company.

We find this disrespectful and confusing for her. The ex seems to encourage it and certainly doesn’t correct her as I have been in their company when it’s happened.

What do others think? Should it be discouraged?

If a child was calling their step mum ‘mum’ whilst still having a mum in their life so many people on here would have a lynch mob ready to go. If it was just dads girlfriend who didn’t live with her, I can’t imagine the furore.

My DS doesn’t even see his dad and he doesn’t call my DH ‘dad’.

I don’t agree with a young child calling mum’s on/off boyfriend who doesn’t even live with her ‘dad’

The irony of this post and the fact that it’s apparently acceptable for mum’s boyfriend to have a ‘dad’ title.

It's none of your business what a small child calls people in her family/household.

You calling it disrespectful is pretty ridiculous really. Presumably she sees this man as a dad more than she does your partner and that's a him problem.

It's nothing to do with a child being 'disrespectful'. What's she calling your bloke? 'Dickhead'? That would be disrespectful. But if she was there'd be a reason behind it I'm sure.

I think at such a young age this can be confusing for her, does she still call your partner daddy?

I think if her mum is partner is playing an active role during the week then she may also see him as her dad. I wouldn't make a big deal of this at her age as over the next few years it will probably become clearer for her. If she wants to call him daddy then that will be her choice

lots of children call their stepdad Dad and stepmum Mum.
I can think of several. They all had a stepparent from
very young, like this child.

The irony is the OP thinking she should also - as a non parent - get involved.

Tonnes of people travel an hour for work everyday, so 'logistics' is a lousy excuse.

I think you/her Dad should just keep deflecting, as in if she is speaking about time with her mum & stepdad and says "daddy took me to the park" (about the stepdad) I would just reiterate like "Oh that's nice that Paul took you to the park"

Is it possible the Mum is encouraging this to spite your partner?
Some exes are that nasty.

Wacky idea. He could move closer to his daughter.

Presumably she calls your partner dad too? So she calls two people dad? Why is that an issue - a five year old feeling comfortable calling two people dad? The answer: it isn't.

Unless the child is being forced to them I don’t think there is any issue.

Providing no forcing the child clearly sees this man as an additional dad and calls him such. It’s clearly not confusing to her either. She clearly sees him a lot and he acts in a fatherly way.

It sounds more like an ego problem for your bf another man playing daddy.

My step dad is purely my dad.
My dad is nothing he is Paul.

So boyfriend has been in her life since she was two. As far as she’s concerned, she has two men visiting her regularly, and her five year old brain has decided that if one man is dad, then the other regular visitor must be a dad as well.

I get why your partner is upset that she’s calling him dad, but as far as she’s concerned, both are dads to her.

When I divorced this is one thing exH and I did agree 100% on - no new partners will ever be called mum or dad or any variation of these. DD is a bit older so I doubt it would be an issue. But she already has a Mum and a Dad, end of!

That was my thought - I knew someone whose stepson started calling her "mum" and that turned out to be because he was copying her son saying it. She and her husband did try to correct him initially but found that all that achieved was egging him on to do it even more!

Because it’s bothering my partner so I said I’d come on here and ask peoples opinions.

No other children in the house

that doesn’t really work though, in my experience. My sister tried this with her son, but he’d know stepdad from
toddler days and daddy just sticked in the end. The title
stepdad isn’t so far removed, if they live together. It’s a Dad role.

'disrespectful and confusing'. No, what confuses her is her parents' divorce, not anything else. That is confusing for her.

I think it’s fine. I don’t know why it’s confusing - families come in all shapes and sizes now.

Hurtful but sometimes a parent pushes this whichndont agree with. I wouldnt make a big deal with dc. If yoir partner can raise it with ex in none confrontational manner he should do this. Otherwise id be the bigger person and tey and ignore it

it’s the double standard- stepdads being called dad is fine, but if a stepmum was ever mentioned as “mum” it’s an absolute no no.

on that basis I don’t agree with a stepparent ever being called mum or dad, regardless of gender.

Is it though? In more set ups the kids are spending more time with mum and stepdad? Here the child is spending one or two nights a week with dad; the stepfather is a much bigger presence in the child’s life.

I think that’s how I see it as well.

A step dad tends to just be there more and oddly the resentment that step mothers tend to have doesn’t occur so much with step dads.

Step dads fully take on and agree to live with the child near full time in most cases and just get on with it and live a normal day to day life.

While step mums agree mostly to a eow and tend to shudder at the thought of their step child moving in near full time. State it would destroy their marriage and they resent picking up after them and the change in the house when they are there. (Most of that tends to be lack of dads actual parenting mind but it doesn’t change the outcome in those houses)

I can see why your partner doesn’t like it but if this man is doing any caring then I can see why a young child would start calling this adult man dad. She might be seeing him more often than her own dad even if he’s not living there.

Did you really mean that one hour distance meant that he saw his dd less? An hour isn’t far at all- you couldn’t do the school run as that distance isn’t fair on dd but it’s a typical commuting distance for many.

This place, if OP encouraged the child to start calling her "mum" when she's at theirs to round it all out would everyone still be okay with it? Guessing not but tie yourselves in knots explaining how it's any different.

OP, get the child to call you mum when she's with you and your partner. It's all good.