AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

[Stressedbadlydressed]

DH has a job that averages 20 hours a week. He’s always running out of money beyond the first week of pay. He pays his part of the mortgage and bills but that’s it. I buy food and everything for the house.

I am Dr and working 48 hour weeks. I am drained. I’m on £45k.

our combined incomes have meant we haven’t been able to move out of an area that we both dislike immensely. I have £16k in savings, that he says I should put towards a deposit.

I’ve asked him to increase his hours or find a new job. He says he will but it never materialises. Then he will say things like trust the process, or that he’s getting “paid” in time so he can pursue his “passion”.

His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more.

I find it very unattractive that I effectively fund his life and standard of living. Whenever he asks to borrow money I feel physically repulsed. Aibu?

What's his 'passion'?

Maybe he can move in with his mother and let you get on with your life.

He's an anchor around your neck.

Why can’t he work more than 20 hours in his current job?

Can he earn from his passion?

Why exactly are you with him?

Do you have kids that he is more present for if you’re working long hours and/or does he do more around the house?

Gave you always supported him? Why is he only working part-time? Whats his passion? Whats he doing to look for a new job?

Yes, I would resent that as well, especially as you have no children to look after. I’m guessing your the cooking, cleaning and general life admin as well?

Has he always been like this? or worked full
time?

His father funded him until he fell out with his dad. His passion is art but he makes zero money from it

“His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more.”

Firstly, what’s his mother got to do with it? She can get her beak out if it.

He’s a cocklodger. If he doesn’t change, leave him. The ick is setting in.

Does he have any redeeming qualities? Do you have kids together?

His passion is a hobby, not a business. He needs to realise that.

Doesn’t sound like this relationship has much mileage.

I would ask him to get a job. Life isn't funded like this. I wouldn't spend my life with a man happy to let me work 48 hours and him being jolly with 20 hours. No way.

Do you have children? Is he doing all the drop offs, pick ups, dental and medical appointments? Is he doing most of the cleaning and life admin - bills, shopping, laundry? If so, you are being completely unreasonable and he is making a huge contribution and sacrifice to enable you to progress in your career. If he’s not doing any of that then he doesn’t have a job; he has a hobby.

If you want to stay with him you need to lay it all out on the table and give him a timeline to go full time or find a better paid job. If you have the permanent ick then break up now before you have children and you’re earning a lot more money because you’ll end up having to pay him CMS and give him a big chunk of your savings.

Unless you have children and he’s doing the bulk of the childcare, this isn’t on. He’s using you.

No children

You can have passions and still work a full time job - that’s what weekends are for!!

I just feel completely disgusted by it. I don’t know how anyone can be so blatant in their want not to work, but still expect someone else (his dad, me) to fund him? Isn’t he embarrassed? Emasculated?

This would be ok if you had children and he was working part time in order to be with them and run the house. Otherwise he needs to contribute fairly. Like you, I dislike a lazy sponger. We’d all like to work part time in an ideal world.

Some men have no shame, I’m an artist. I also have two other jobs

Stop lending him money! You don’t have children so if he wants more money, he can earn it, or ask mummy

How old are you both? What job does he work in?

Just.. spoiled?
Sounds like you have taken his dad's place... how romantic.

He needs a reality check. Yes, still do his art - in his free time. He needs a full-time job before your resentment means your relationship is over, forever. Who will pay for him then?!

I wouldn't be happy either. He should put equal effort into working and saving, but there will be posters on here who'll think it's all right for women to do what he's doing.

Holy shit balls. You’re a doctor and get 45k??? I know I’m missing the point but wow!

@Silverbirchleaf thanks for saving me time. ⬆️ this is what l was planning on writing about the situation