AIBU to miss my sister's Moroccan wedding with an eight-week-old?

[Alpsk1]

My Sister is getting married next year abroad in Morocco. I am due to give birth to my 2nd child about 8 weeks before. Our other child is 3yo.

Do you think it would be completely mad of us to go to the wedding with an 8 week old baby who’s only just had their first set of vaccinations?

Then there’s the whole fact we probably will be generally very sleep deprived too.

DH thinks we should just miss it and avoid the stress. I do obviously want to go but maybe it would be too much?

YABU - go to the wedding (with newborn, 3yo and DH)

YANBU - you should stay at home and miss the wedding.

I would offer to host or help plan something really special for them like an engagement party or a uk reception after their civil ceremony on the understanding that you’re unlikely to make the Morocco wedding, but potentially still go last minute if you can. Perhaps you book free cancellation hotel near the venue? You might be up for it and you might feel sad to miss out

@Alpsk1 What do YOU want? Then do that. You can absolutely go with a 2 month old baby. Many do. I wouldn't because I don't like weddings in general and I would use the baby as a pretext to not attend.

I personally would plan to go but have everything booked with a cancellation policy. With my first there was no way I could have gone, I was so ill. With my second I was fine 2 days later!! My friend gave birth 6 days ago, she was fine she’s been out and about every day this week (first baby) my other friend was rushed into emergency c-section 4 months ago and is still struggling. Babies and birth are in predictable, you might be fine to go you might not bit I personally wouldn’t just dismiss the whole thing,. As I say plan to go but make her aware you might not get there

As you're going to her actual wedding ceremony in the UK, there's no way I'd go to Morocco with a newborn for essentially a post-wedding party.

You won't need the stress of having to rush choosing a name, waiting for a Registry appointment, passport application....then taking a newborn on a flight - no, I wouldn't, I always get ill anytime I'm on a plane. You should spend your first couple of months post-partum, resting, relaxing, recovering, establishing breastfeeding, bonding with baby. Don't put all that added stress and deadlines on your head, it'll take a lot of your enjoyment and relaxation away from this special time.

When you choose a destination 'wedding', you have to accept that not everyone will be able to attend. I also think it's cheeky to expect people to pay thousands to fly abroad for an after party, really fucking cheeky.

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Thank you everyone for your replies. It’s made me think of many more things to be honest like me or toddler getting ill, let alone the baby! I often get ill from planes thinking about it (usually only a cold) but still not what you want to risk if it can be avoided with a newborn. There will be enough germs being shared from toddler but at least UK germs which I will have some immunity to. Also if I get a dodgy stomach that won’t be good (and probably highly likely in somewhere like Morocco!!).

I'd miss the wedding for that reason alone.

Personally I wouldn't be taking a baby that young on a flight. Too cooped up with other people's germs and recycled air and a very immature immune system and potentially no jabs. Hard no from me I'm afraid.

Think you’d be really hard pushed to get a birth certificate and a passport. And if the baby is 2 weeks late they’d only be 6 weeks old.

is it at a resort and when exactly is it?
I went to Morocco (Marrakesh) on holiday mid july this year. The hotel was immaculate. It was very warm though, 36/37c most days and had 2 days where it was even hotter 44/45c. Babies/young children can’t regulate their temperatures the same, and you certainly wouldn’t want to be wearing a baby in a sling. Yes, the hotels had fab aircon and it was ok dipping in and out the pool, but just walking from your room to the pool you were melting!
Lot’s of people had babies and some very young ones there.
If it was me, I definitely think it would be a last minute choice to go, like you say, it’s a hard one to plan as you just don’t know when baby will arrive and how things are until the time actually comes. I’m sure your sister will understand.

You can't think of any reason why someone wouldn't want to travel to Morocco with an almost new born baby?

How would the logistics work? I assume you wouldn't be able to buy the plane tickets until the baby is born so quite last minute - what about availability/cost? How can you commit now?

Why? It's not unreasonable to miss any wedding apart from your own 😁

I haven’t read the full thread so not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but what if your baby needs extra medical intervention.
With my second child I found out at my 20 week anatomy scan that she only had one kidney. I had repeated scans during the second half of my pregnancy and it was planned that the baby would need a blood test 24-48 hours after birth, then further tests a few weeks later.
I would keep an open mind about going but see how your pregnancy goes. And that’s even before childbirth.

If it’s possible, ie baby is actually here and tickets can be bought last min and no health issues for mum or baby, then no I can’t.

So you wouldn't actually be going to her wedding. You'd be going to a party, however much they renew their vows or whatever.

To me that makes it a definite no. You're not going to see her get married. She already will be.

my youngest GD went with parents to a wedding in Morocco at just 8 months. She had a temperature but we knew there was plenty of good private healthcare. It was fine.

As for a baby, can you ask medics how long it takes for the vaccines to be effective? I am sure there is a period of time when the immunity is building up. That might be important to consider. That does not take into account that you might still be feeling awful.

I would be warning your sister that you are unlikely to make it.

You won’t be missing her wedding l that’s in the uk before you give birth. So because of that I’d not go.

I love Morocco and have been many times. It’s wonderful but absolutely fucking filthy. Bacterial skin and stomach infections are rife as are parasites. Getting away without the shits there is almost unheard of. I’m adventurous but bloody hell, no way I would take a newborn to Morocco!!

She's not missing her sisters wedding, which is at a registry office in the UK a few weeks before her baby is due.

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Ive been to Morocco twice and had horrific food poisoning both times
Have someone lined up to look after the kid if you start evacuating at both ends for a couple of days

So you are attending her wedding.
So why on earth are you even contemplating going to a party in Morocco with a new born baby and a toddler ?

Put your baby’s health above a party! I wouldn’t even risk my own going there.

if the wedding was planned first you could have skipped a month or two of TTC to avoid this very situation. Whilst I find destination weddings somewhat vulgar and selfish I also tend to find close family members who actively TTC whilst knowing they have a date in the diary a bit selfish too

No you can’t commit. Also if the wedding is 8 weeks after your due date, baby could onky be 6 weeks therefore no jabs yet. I couldn’t sit down comfortably for a month after birth! It depends jf you think your sister would handle it better if you just say no now, or book things but with a caveat you will have to see (and depends if you can afford to lose the money). But only you know if she’ll be more disappointed if you change your mind last minute.