AIBU to miss my sister's Moroccan wedding with an eight-week-old?

[Alpsk1]

My Sister is getting married next year abroad in Morocco. I am due to give birth to my 2nd child about 8 weeks before. Our other child is 3yo.

Do you think it would be completely mad of us to go to the wedding with an 8 week old baby who’s only just had their first set of vaccinations?

Then there’s the whole fact we probably will be generally very sleep deprived too.

DH thinks we should just miss it and avoid the stress. I do obviously want to go but maybe it would be too much?

YABU - go to the wedding (with newborn, 3yo and DH)

YANBU - you should stay at home and miss the wedding.

No it's a terrible idea.
Take it from me you don't want a poorly baby who's just had vaccines with you, not to mention the vaccines take about a month to start working and they need the full course for proper immunity.
You would never forgive yourself if your baby caught a bug and died or was terribly ill, you're not really supposed to take them anywhere until the first course has had time to kick in.
Also my baby was two weeks late and had her first set at 10 weeks, they don't always give them at 8 weeks, if there is a delay in getting them booked, they just recommend giving them after 8 weeks.

Has she not mentioned anything about what your plans will be since you will have such a young baby? Or is she just expecting you to still go…
I wouldn’t expect my sister to go if she’d just given birth, but I suppose I know what it’s like, if your sister hasn’t had a baby before she may not get it until she does!

I flew 9 hours alone with my DS when he was 4 months old and he was infinitely easier to manage than when I flew with him at 20 months!

I don’t know if I’d be up for managing both a toddler and a newborn on a flight (although you could divide and conquer)

It’s tricky, I don’t really have much of an answer because while I would do anything for my sister, I don’t think she would expect me to come under those circumstances!

Vaccinations don’t give instant protection, it takes a bit of time for you to build up immunity. I would not do a trip like this with a tiny, very recently vaccinated baby.
Also, as you say, your baby might be late.
It’s obviously your shout though, maybe leave deciding until baby is born ?

I was scratched by a cat in Morocco and have to have the set of rabies injections. Nothing would induce me to go back there.

Travelling to Morocco has recommended vaccines of Hep A and typhoid. These are not part of the childhood vaccines and so I don't see how you could fit them in with time to travel. I wouldn't be travelling without them, so it would be a no from me. I did take my 15 month old to Morocco and had no issues, but we'd got her and us vaccinated.

I would not go. It might be ok but it’s a gamble, and you won’t be able to look forward to it not knowing if it’s actually feasible. I would just decline now.

I know when my GS was born earlier this year, DS and DIL had to wait 6 weeks for their appointment to register his birth. If this was the case in your situation, that would give you 2 weeks at best to obtain a passport. Is that even possible?
I would be giving my apologies now tbh.

Not sure if you’re still here OP but I went to my grandma’s 80th when first child 8 weeks (foreign country) and a big foreign wedding when second child 6 weeks. Second wasn’t vaccinated first must have been but both were exclusively breastfed so didn’t occur to me to worry about being in another country as i’m vaccinated so they had immunity from me.

Both times were fine, big family occasions, no regrets! YOLO and your sis will only get married once. Even if you duck out early. You’ll regret if you miss it.

You don’t know how you’ll feel afterwards. I was great after birth number one but terrible after number two. I felt very ill and struggled for a few months afterwards. I personally would not go.

it’s unreasonable to miss your sisters wedding

Depending on when the wedding is, you should also take into account the heat in Morocco. I’ve been there in the summer and it gets up to over 40 degrees some days. Not an environment I’d want to be in with a baby and pre schooler whilst also being sleep deprived.

No, it's not, especially under the circumstances

I definitely wouldn’t go. I love Morocco but it’s super chaotic. Frankly I just wouldn’t get on a plane 8 weeks postpartum.

We travelled to Southern Europe when our son was 10 weeks and it was fine getting his passport - if you phone up the registry office and explain you need an urgent appointment you can probably get one arranged quite quickly. We got our son's passport in a week too, but up to six weeks is the timeframe they give, so you should be fine on that front. If it were me I would try to go but be prepared it might not work out, so try to book refundable accommodation, save booking the flights until the last minute etc. Also don't forget you will need baby's name and passport details to book the flight or ferry.

If you are worried about their health though, be prepared that 1. It is quite likely they won't have had their vaccinations due to the probability of being born after the due date and 2. Weddings are large gatherings which will mean people bringing all kinds of illnesses together. If you aren't passing baby around that should be low risk, but wortu considering.

I personally found the sleep deprivation better the second time round, as it was less if a shock to the system as you don't get proper sleep with a toddler anyway (or we didn't), so I wouldn't worry about that side of it.

Like I said, I would try to go but prepare for the probability that you can't.

I hate this idea that new mums have to sacrifice their sanity and comfort just because someone’s getting married. Nothing is more important in the first weeks than building a bond with your baby and limiting stress. I would absolutely understand if my sister couldn’t come.

What time of year? Morocco can get really really hot only the winter months would be suitable for a newborn. I definitely wasn’t up to travelling 8 weeks post birth.

I attended my sibling's wedding in the Middle East with a 6 week old. It was far from ideal timing, but with regards to the baby's health and wellbeing it was perfectly fine. We registered our baby straight away and applied for a passport by the time he was 4 days old. We spoke to the HV about the vaccines and just followed their advice (can't remember what it was though, it was quite a while ago!).

But honestly, I have zero memories from the wedding. I remember breastfeeding quite literally the whole day, but I couldn't tell you anything about the ceremony or reception. I couldn't tell you who else was at wedding or what food there was. It's all a complete blur. So I guess in an ideal world you'd be able to wait and see how you feel?!

I would go. Went to Turkey with a 4 week old last year and exclusively breast fed. Baby was absolutely fine in fact he was a dream! My 2 yo was harder work 🤣 only reservation for me would be the itinerary - if at a hotel most of the time and wedding celebrations only one day I’d do it no brainer and I had a c section. I only went as it was a pre arranged 60th celebration for my dad so absolutely wouldn’t have entertained it if it wasn’t for that but was fine regardless. Wouldn’t necessarily do it again but given the special celebration I’d do it x

A slight tangent, but i had no idea that registering a baby takes so long now! When I had my first, the registrar used to visit the maternity ward and register the babies in situ! Those were the days when you'd be in hospital for three days after a normal birth though!

Babies are very portable at that age, and not too much paraphernalia if they’re BF. I did a fair bit of (necessary) long haul travel with small babies.
If it were me, I’d go.

So what do you propose as a solution then? Such a helpful comment 🙄

Example... Baby could arrive up to 2 weeks late, it could then take 6 weeks to get an appointment to register the birth by which time it's impossible to get a passport. Come on, how could OP possibly solve that situation in order to attend?

It's all changed now. When my DD was born, I went to the registrar's office the next day and registered her birth. That was 24 years ago. DS had a boy earlier this year, they had to wait 6 weeks for a registrar appointment!

^ This, although I also don't think it's realistic to say you are definitely going til a couple of weeks after the birth.

Okay, so this is more of a party to celebrate their marriage than the actual wedding. I would definitely give it a miss - they will understand. Actually, in your shoes I might give it a miss even if it was the wedding, but this isn't the case.