AIBU to miss my sister's Moroccan wedding with an eight-week-old?

[Alpsk1]

My Sister is getting married next year abroad in Morocco. I am due to give birth to my 2nd child about 8 weeks before. Our other child is 3yo.

Do you think it would be completely mad of us to go to the wedding with an 8 week old baby who’s only just had their first set of vaccinations?

Then there’s the whole fact we probably will be generally very sleep deprived too.

DH thinks we should just miss it and avoid the stress. I do obviously want to go but maybe it would be too much?

YABU - go to the wedding (with newborn, 3yo and DH)

YANBU - you should stay at home and miss the wedding.

She knows we are thinking about it and I think realises that there’s a possibility we won’t be able to come. I wasn’t 100% sure myself what our decision would be, hence this thread. I’ve probably been talking on the more positive side of things but realistically think it’s most likely going to be that we can’t go.

Honestly I wouldn’t. Apart from the sleep deprivation, jabs, any health appointments the baby will need etc, it’s going to be a very unsettling time for your eldest having a new sibling.

Even though holidays are meant to be fun, they are a really big adjustment for little children with loads of new experiences and being overtired all at once. It might be a step too far for your 3yo while still getting used to sharing their parents with the new baby.

Could you go on your own for 24 hours literally fly out for the wedding and return next day? That would depend on whether your DH would have support from his family or not as that would be a deal breaker I think

I don't think it's the baby that would be hard work, it's the toddler.
I think given it's immediate family, I would go but I would also understand if I was the bride and a guest couldn't come for this reason

So you are attending the marriage ceremony?
It's just the celebration abroad then.

Sorry no but I would not plan this trip in advance.

Unfortunately when couples decide to celebrate a distance away, it comes with the risk of people not being able to, or wanting to attend.

I would not like that pressure to be put on me at all post birth.

No need to go to Morocco then.
I'd have said no even before you shared this bit of information.
It's just all too much and too soon after the birth for all the reasons others have given.

I think I would invite them for a really nice meal out at some point between the registry office ceremony and the wedding abroad so you can celebrate their marriage with them personally and give them any gifts at that point.

If people want to have a destination wedding they have to understand that not everyone will be able to attend and that it might be especially difficult for people with young children let alone newborns.

Hell no OP. Parts of Morocco are dangerous. Of all the places have visited it’s the only time felt unsafe. I’d not be taking young children to North Africa at all. Over cautious perhaps but better to be safe.

Not to mention all the cost, travel, disruption for the children. Could you not fly over solo for 2-3 days alone? In and out to show face and let your DH care for the children?

Actually scrap that, see now you’re going to the legal ceremony. Make it up to your DS in other ways.

Does she (or her husband-not being heteronormative, but assuming because you say it's in Morocco) live there? If not, they must understand that a lot of people won't be going. I'd not take a young child on a plane unless it was an emergency, and while at 8 weeks you might feel fine, you never know how the birth/feeding etc will go.

I don't like flying as an adult because I do no think that it is healthy.

There is no way I would take an 8 week old.

Decline. I would’ve struggled with a UK wedding at 8 weeks postpartum let alone abroad (I didn’t have an easy birth or recovery).

If you have a destination wedding you have to accept that some people won't be able to make it.

We attended a wedding overseas with toddler and new baby. Grand-Parents and family helped out. Easier to go when they’re small babies especially if you’re breast feeding.

Never in a million years.

I woujdn’t go.

I've travelled quite a bit in Morocco and I'd decline. There's a lot of risks that will be hard to manage with such a young baby.

Could you book last min flights and go by yourself for a couple of days?

This is the important part and you are going to it. The destination wedding is just a party to celebrate their wedding.

i wouldn’t stress yourself about going with an 8 week old baby when you have already been to their actual wedding.

Your sister must know that if she’s chosen a destination wedding some people won’t be able to go. Would she consider having some kind of family celebration here as well as the one in Morocco?

Personally, I would tell her now that you will almost certainly be unable to go rather than letting her think it’s a possibility. It will be difficult to get a passport sorted out in time and your baby won’t be vaccinated.

I’d have a chat with my sister and tell her you’re going to decline for now as you don’t know what will happen around the birth and don’t want to put additional stress and uncertainty on her or you.

If the baby arrives and everything goes well, and you feel like you could go, then have another conversation with her. There would be plenty of time to add another 4 people and the flights would still be reasonably affordable. For myself, I would hate the thought of going through pregnancy, birth, and the thought of having to schlep to a wedding 4000 miles away - it would stop me enjoying my pregnancy so much. Take the pressure off, and if you’re fit and raring to go, put it back on.

I also wouldn’t book until after birth. You could be 6 weeks post c section and in the trenches. I know of a lot of people getting ill in morroco, imagine having a sickness bug out there or your children needing to go to hospital.
id be more inclined to go to Europe but not there x

Well they should understand that you can't necessarily make it with a brand new baby! It depends on the baby as well, of course. If s/he is colicky, or doesn't sleep, you could end up spending most of your time with the baby.

I suppose I'm a bit unusual because we never went abroad with our kids until they were beyond baby stage. I had PND after the first, and there was no way I could have coped with the planning and the packing, to say nothing of organising the baby's jabs and passport on a deadline.

Oh in that case I’d definitely skip the Morocco part! You’ll see her get married.

So you have your answer and one that sounds very fair. That you won't be able to say for certain one way or the other until after the baby is born, that you get that may be too late to be logistically acceptable and if that is the case then sadly you have to decline.

If you can say you'll go if you feel up to it, If baby comes on time and it's all quite straight forward you might be able to manage it. If she or he is late or there are any complications you probably won't. Your sister should understand, if she starts pushing you say no.

IMO, destination weddings (where neither bride nor groom have living or family ties to the location) are designed to cull guest lists and keep on the day costs down.

I'd politely decline and wish them the best. Tell them if they live stream it, you'll be watching their happy ceremony.