AIBU to miss my sister's Moroccan wedding with an eight-week-old?

[Alpsk1]

My Sister is getting married next year abroad in Morocco. I am due to give birth to my 2nd child about 8 weeks before. Our other child is 3yo.

Do you think it would be completely mad of us to go to the wedding with an 8 week old baby who’s only just had their first set of vaccinations?

Then there’s the whole fact we probably will be generally very sleep deprived too.

DH thinks we should just miss it and avoid the stress. I do obviously want to go but maybe it would be too much?

YABU - go to the wedding (with newborn, 3yo and DH)

YANBU - you should stay at home and miss the wedding.

I’m normally the first to not let a baby get in my way. But in this case, the thought of dealing with a toddler, a newborn, wedding stuff, a sick child, a sick baby, a sick parent, sleepless nights, looking like shit, potentially feeling like shit, having to secure a passport in time…any one of those would prevent me from enjoying it (maybe not the passport thing). When I had a 3yo and a newborn I could barely think straight until 12 weeks! The travel and hotel and getting vaccinations wouldn’t be any problem (unless formula feeding), it’s just things being hard enough as it is let alone adding this on top. Buggies, prams, nappies, slings, multiple clothes per day just for the baby let alone for a toddler - gah. I’m so glad this is behind me!

I think it's too early to plan.

So either they are happy with you turning up or not at the very last minute, or you decline right now.

You might be ok to fly, you might not. Passport shouldn't be a problem but there's no way you can guess how well you will be.

I'd wait and decide nearer the time.
You may have an easy birth and a dream baby which sleeps all the time, therefore a really lovely break away, or things could be very different...
Very young babies are very portable and it might all work out wonderfully, or it might not...

I'm sure your sister will understand that you are unable to commit either way yet!

I would go if it was my sisters, I’m sure family will help out also whilst you are there

Almost eradicated here maybe. But in Morocco?

I wouldn’t contemplate it. “Sorry sis, if you decide on a wedding inconvenient and expensive for everyone else (oops, meant to say destination wedding) then you must expect some people to be unable to attend. I’m sad to say that will include me this time.”

You need to think about all the possible outcomes and how happy you are with going under those circumstances.

For example, would you want to go potentially just 6 weeks after an emergency C-section with an unvaccinated baby and quite possibly still bleeding. Because that is a very real possibility.

I think it’s a case of not being able to commit until after you give birth, if all is straight forward, is on or before due date, and breast feeding etc goes well plus you can get a passport in time then it’s ok, i travelled long haul at 7 weeks and it was fine. If you go overdue, need a c section or other complications it might not be possible

I flew 12 hours when my firstborn was 9 weeks. I had to have an emergency c-section with her and was in hospital for a week after birth. We did get the passport 3-4 days before departure but we couldn’t book flights until she was born as we had to know her date of birth upon booking and we obviously didn’t know that until she was born.

It wasn’t stressful and it was definitely worth it, but I didn’t have a toddler to deal with as well.

With my first the first 12 weeks were the hardest and at 10 weeks we still were very much in the no sleep zone. I seem to recall thinking from the 12 maybe even 16 week mark things got a little easier..

I’ll speak with her and see what options there would be for us to come at the last minute, but say we are likely unable to come. If it was 2 months later I’m pretty sure we would just book it and go!

You absolutely cannot commit to this, there are too many unknowns. Unless you are having a planned CS you can’t guarantee when the baby will arrive.

You then have to recover sort out a passport for the baby and vaccinations all in about 8 weeks.
You will be exposing the baby to a whole set of new germs different from the ones you may have passed on some immunity to. I am speaking from practical experience as DH is Algerian and we took the DC to visit from around 4-5 months and invariably they ended up with a cold or similar. It’s not a hygiene point, it’s just the local bacteria and viruses are different to the U.K.

Also what time of year is it and is it Marrakesh or on the coast? Somewhere like Marrakesh is going to be uncomfortable from around May-October with a newborn.

Every baby is so different. You may be lucky and get a brilliant sleeper this time around.

I was getting a good 8 or 9 hours at 8 weeks with my first. Definitely not the case with my second now 😢

I’m not sure I’d even want to take my toddler thinking about it. I wouldn’t go anywhere with my DCs that I wouldn’t be confident about having them in the healthcare facilities.

You can only get married legally in Morocco if one of you is Moroccan. Therefore it is a purely symbolic ceremony and party, so say sorry you can't make it but you would be happy to attend their legal UK (presumably register office) ceremony.

We aren’t seasoned travellers at all. We’ve been abroad once since 3yo was born and that was the first time since Covid! We used to go abroad one (sometimes 2) times a year before Covid. I do like travelling though.

I’ve never been to Morocco before. From what I’ve heard the healthcare system there isn’t one you’d particularly want to use.. which does worry me with a baby.

Yes we are attending their legal marriage at the registry office which is before the baby is born.

I think you already know your answer then, wait until baby is born to decide. I would personally be speaking to my sister and explaining the situation. Most people would understand.

I voted YANBU because of my own experiences. I know myself I wouldn’t have been ready but I know other people take their newborns on flights so obviously people do it.

I would just wait and see what happens

You might be hard pushed to get a passport in time, assuming you don't go overdue too. You need to register the baby, and I'm sure you'll remember you can't book the appointment until the baby is actually born. Our appointment was 4 weeks after birth and I was booking it from my hospital bed to get the earliest one. Then you've got to actually apply for the passport and hope it turns up in time.

Although that notwithstanding, I wouldn't be going anywhere abroad without those first 3 courses of vaccinations anyway.

To many unknowns you could be 2 weeks late you could have a c section and still be recovering physically plus 3yo still be adjusting to a new sibling. Combine that with rushing for a passport, African heat and it sounds a recipe for disaster. Can you organise a nice meal out to celebrate her marriage when she gets home?

I see getting a passport as a major issue here. You can't apply until you have a birth certificate and last time it took me 6 weeks to get that. Trying to then organise a passport for a prebooked holiday would stress me out. Especially as your baby could be late and eat into that time.

I think this is very personal to you as a Mum. Some woman just wouldn’t be able to face something like this and others, like me, would go and enjoy being with family who are likely to help. However, this does very much depend on the kind of birth you have. X

That is a good point about having to register them first before being able to apply for the passport, I forgot about the registering part not being straight away!

Personally, I wouldn't until fully vaccinated.

Equally, if I were the one getting married, id be fine with you making that decision.

Has your sister said anything?

Hell to the no. You couldn't pay me enough. I would rather pay to not attend

We went to a wedding in France with an 8 week old. Was a bit mad but it was ok. Probably wouldn’t do it the same way again today knowing the advice about limiting time in car seat - from that perspective flying would be easier.

I wouldn't take a baby that small on a flight. Too much recirculated air and germs floating around. Just not worth it.