Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

Depends why they don't drink imo. If they don't drink because either of them is a recovering alcoholic or has alcohol-related trauma (e.g. if the girlfriend grew up with alcoholic parents), then he would be unreasonable. If it's just a preference then they may not mind. But he should check with them first.

has your son said, specifically, it's going to be a dry Christmas @oppositehearts?

Surely when hosting you cater for your family/guests, irrespective of your own drink/food preferences?

My brother in law doesn’t drink but I still have a drink if we go to his house for Christmas. It would be different if they were recovering alcoholics or staunchly against alcohol, I would respect their wishes. If it is a lifestyle choice or they don’t like the taste, I don’t see why other people can’t have it.

Have they actually said they won’t be supplying any alcohol?

Do they allow alcohol in their house ? If so just take wine or beer for dinner or whatever. I would obviously ask first .

Depending on why they don't drink, I would take a bottle of wine for those that do plus something nice for them.

Surely you just ask them if they'd mind if you bring some alcohol?

I think a lot of the younger generation don’t drink, never has and nor has she, they are more into fitness and gym.

This is your child. Just ask him. As this is father (?) he surely knows that his dad likes to have a couple of drinks at Christmas.
Unless they are both recovering alcoholics and can’t think why they would be ok with you bringing a bottle of wine along.

If that is the case I would definitely bring a drink for yourselves.

I think it would be really rude of them to impose their drink free lifestyle on you, their guests, at Christmas.

If your H does not want to ask them, I would not and just turn up with a bottle for yourselves. Its better than the alternative of asking them, them saying, ' we'd rather you didn't' and your H refusing to go. Though if not drinking is a lifestyle preference then I can't imagine they would refuse and would surely have told you at the invite it was alcohol free if it were.

If i was staying for the evening I would take something to drink.

If i was coming back to mine for the evening I wouldn't.
If the lack of drinking was due to some past trauma then I'd be happy to go without alcohol, but otherwise I can't see why you would not bring some.

My mum doesn’t drink, she tells us bring with us what we want to drink, she provides soft drinks and mixers

This is your child that you’re close enough to have Christmas dinner with. Surely you know whether it’s acceptable to take alcohol in their home?

No but I don’t think it would cross their minds as non drinkers.
I just wanted people’s views on someone turning up with drink when the hosts don’t drink.
Obviously when it’s at our house he will just help himself to a drink when he feels like it but we are guests and although I am flexible Dh likes his tradition of a few after dinner drinks (especially if we’ll be playing games)

If you invite people over and you know they will likely want a drink then you should get drinks in and offer them to them. That’s just hosting. Whether the hosts themselves drink or not shouldn’t matter. Except perhaps in situations where the host is a recovering alcoholic or the household is dry for religious reasons.

I visited teetotal friends years ago. They had no alcohol issues, just didn't want to drink. They had absolutely no problem with me drinking. Until I managed to knock a full glass of red wine all over their cream carpet and sofa 😩

DH and I don’t drink, but we always supply alcohol if we are hosting.

Bring your own, you are family and if you like a drink, have one! I'd bring along your favourite tipple, plus other foodie things as a contribution aswell. Why it would be a problem I have no idea.

I don't drink either but I have a cupboard full of wine and spirits + lots of lovely glasses for those who do when they visit!

It is one thing to bring alcohol along without really thinking about/ just assume they’d be ok with it because it’s their preference not to/ your preference to drink. But it is quite selfish and rude to deliberately not ask in advance in case they say no.

I think you should ask the hosts and if they say no alcohol in the house then you either accept their hospitality as it is and enjoy an alcohol free Christmas with them or you decide not to go because that does not appeal to you. And if you decide not to go to your own child’s Christmas because you can’t bear to be without alcohol for one day, well then… that’s your choice I guess but at least everyone will be able to see what a dickhead you are.

I'd be reluctant to visit those who ban alcohol. OK if it's for their addiction reasons maybe, but even then. These people have to get used to it, or not invite anyone over except for breakfast/brunch where alcohol is not usual.

I don't drink BTW, but anyone dictating things to guests like that are off my list, it's a slippery slope with them I think!

As others say it depends on why they don't drink. But also I think it depends on how much you/your husband plans to drink, a bit with a meal or during the day/evening is ok, getting drunk when others are sober not so much.

He’s your son, can’t you just ask him? If you’ve done Christmas for the last 20/30 years surely he knows that you might want a drink on Christmas Day?

Depends on the reason. If they don’t drink for religious reasons then they probably don’t want alcohol in the house and poured into their glasses.

But tbh I don’t have any friends/acquaintances in this demographic so I’m not sure how strict they are with the ‘rules’ when it comes to guests/hosting. My guess is fairly strict, though, as I was plus-one at a non-alcoholic wedding many moons ago and there was zero alcohol and no opportunity to even buy any. I’m not a big drinker, but it made the wedding unspeakably boring.

I don’t drink but no issues if guests want to drink

I think it's interesting that this is your own son but you wouldn't know whether it would be okay to bring alcohol to their home or not.

You'll just have to ask him in advance

I don't allow alcohol in my home because the behaviour of the people who drink it. they all say they're just having after dinner wine but most end up getting sloppy drunk and belligerent or just embarrassing behavior and I don't want that in my house