Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

I don't drink. Never have. My Dad does (though usually not at family gatherings). I wouldn't mind if he wanted to bring something to drink when we were hosting, if it was his tradition to always have a drink on a certain occasion, but if he drank enough that he started acting silly, I would rather he didn't, personally.

So for me it would depend on how your DH is when he's had his traditional Christmas drinks. Does he act tipsy or is he his usual self? If he's still himself, I'd view this the same way as someone bringing a dessert or a special traditional dish to share. Not everyone has to partake.

(All this is assuming that they simply don't drink for health reasons and there's no past trauma or addiction issue at play.)

I’d take something. I also think as hosts, knowing you do drink alcohol, they should provide at least a bottle of wine for the Christmas dinner. Especially as the reason they don’t drink is just because they are into fitness, rather than being alcoholics.

I provide what my guests like to drink, so I thin that not only is it fine to drink, but your son needs to provide the alcohol as well. Not British though, so not sure this applies to Britain!

I don't drink alcohol, but will always provide alchoholic drink options for anyone who would like them when they are over. Christmas is usually at my house and the drinks flow freely, despite me not drinking. No issues at all.

Can you visit them before Christmas and see if they provide any alcohol then?

Just remember one of you may need to drive home.

I probably wouldn't provide the alcohol when hosting because it wouldn't occur to me to do so. (Not the norm in my circle.) Doesn't make me a bad host. Also doesn't mean I'd frown or sternly turn someone away from my door if they brought something for themselves to drink.

I don't think its disrespectful to bring a few drinks. The only time I wouldn't do that would be if they were recovering alcoholics or strict religious people or something. If they are just the common or garden variety Generation Z non-drinkers then you wouldn't be annoying them by bringing a six pack. Let your husband have his nice Christmas Day.

I find this whole Gen Z non-drinking thing a bit mad to be honest. I'm not discouraging it as such. But when my 14 year old daughter says she's going to the cinema with her friends, she's actually going to the cinema with her friends, and not drinking in a park snogging someone's brother. My local gym spa area is full on Saturday night with teens and twenty year olds having a sauna and cold dip. Like, I dunno, what sort of children are we raising?

(this is tongue-in-cheek by the way)

(sort of)

I have plenty of friends who don’t drink for non dramatic reasons and we have no issues drinking in front of them. One particular couple always has wine around for guests.

My mother (well my whole family) doesn’t drink and is slightly offended by having it around. So not worth it with her.

Of course anyone in recovery or with a traumatic past id never drink around them. I don’t drink around my SIL as she’s an alcoholic (though everyone else does which I think it awful). So basically I have several answers depending on the scenario.

id just say ‘we can bring some wine if that’s useful? And what else shall we bring?’ Or similar and then it’s not a surprise and he has a chance to say no thanks.

It applies to my friends and family. We try to tailor food and drink (alcohol and otherwise) to the guests, not the other way around.

Christmas Day is different from just a normal meal though. I don't drink but I buy alcohol for my guests.

God forbid someone would like some alcohol on Christmas Day!
I've never heard anything so terrible and unreasonable! 😀

I don’t drink, don’t like it. However if I’m hosting I always get wine in and people know they can bring whatever they want.

He’s not drinking “to have a nice day” though?

he’s drinking because he finds spending his time with his son and dil so boring he needs alcohol to get him through it.

if I were the son I’d find that incredibly rude and tell him not to bother.

The links you've supplied would support what I said - that not enjoying events that don't involve alcohol, is a sign of alcohol dependence (I was subsequently corrected on the term alcohol dependence - I meant 'needs a drink')

I don't understand what you are arguing about really.

Everyone can feel when someone needs a drink vs is having a drink. There's a difference, it's understood, often visible but sometimes not.

If the OP had not said her DH would be bored without a drink I (and others) wouldn't have asked about it.

The OP said her DH would be bored without a drink.

I went to a Sikh wedding once. Knowing they don’t drink, we expected it to be a dry wedding. But for non Sikhs there was wine on the table with dinner. They said that whilst they didn’t drink, they understood we did and they wanted us to enjoy ourselves and didn’t want to impose their beliefs on us 🤷🏼‍♀️

DH and I do not drink at all, and could not possibly care less if someone else does. If someone would like a drink, knowing we don't, I would have no issue with them bringing their own.

Yes, heaven forbid an adult man have a preference for how he spends Christmas day. The horror.

I don’t drink (preference) but if I’m hosting I’m prepared for others who may want a drink (or few). By no means I’d expect people I invited not to drink because I don’t want to.

It depends why they don't drink. If one of them is a recovering alcoholic, then absolutely don't bring one. If it's for religious reasons then marginal... talk to them about it. But if it's just a personal preference of theirs, then I don't see a problem. I know a few people who don't drink because they just don't fancy it, and they have no problem with other people enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with dinner.

I have non-drinking family members and they are happy for us to have a glass of wine etc with dinner.

I would raise this with your son “Would you mind if your dad brought a bottle of wine for those that would like a glass with lunch?” Better to bring it up directly than assume.

Yeah sorry son, going to need to bring a few beers as spending time with you is too boring otherwise…

But the only thing that matters is what the hosts think.

FWIW I don't know any non drinkers who have a problem being around alcohol, apart from one alcoholic.

Anyone can do anything they want re. drinking, but admitting your own kids bore you suggests a rethink of the plans would be in order.

Perhaps the son is boring. Or perhaps he just thinks Christmas day specifically is more fun with a beer after dinner.