Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

That's why I asked what the OP meant. Because being bored without alcohol, not enjoying events that don't involve alcohol, is a sign of alcohol dependence.

Weird it wouldn't cross their minds. Surely part of hosting is considering things like this

Thank you for explaining all that to us. But are you sure about that?

@AlwaysExtraHot

yes as would loads of people if they couldn’t have an alcoholic drink on Christmas Day. It doesn’t make them raging alcoholics so no need for the perplexed face

People often get defensive about drinking.

The weirdest thing about the whole OP is that this is an issue in the family. If there was no problem on either one or or both sides, the OP wouldn't need to ask.

No it isn't. He wants a drink because he will be bored without one.

🙄

Yes finding events less enjoyable or more boring if you can't drink is a sign of alcohol dependence. This is not new thinking, it's been a question about drinking behaviour for decades.

It ought to. That is dinner party etiquette. My mum doesn't drink beer, nor do I but she has some in for when DH comes round as she knows he likes it. It's not just about what YOU do.

If you're bored on Christmas Day then your Christmas Day is shit and needs changing.

@Crushed23 this made me remember a work dinner years ago when we were all told we were not to order alcohol because a colleague did not drink for religious reasons. The convo was stilted that evening

We don’t drink, just not interested. When my brother comes I tell him to bring what he wants as I wouldn’t have a clue about wine or spirits and could buy something undrinkable. I provide ice/lemon/glasses. Very happy for them to drink, just wish they would stop trying to persuade me to join them - very happy with my mug of tea, thank you.

According to who?

If the hosts doesn’t drink alcohol because of dependency issues then no I wouldn’t bring alcohol in to their home.

If it’s simply a personal choice for fitness reasons then yes I would take a bottle of wine/fizz on the basis they are unlikely to care what I choose to drink!

I don’t drink and I’d be fine with this. I’d just inform them ahead of time… ‘John said he’s grabbed a few bottles of wine for us so we will bring those for the evening. Let us know if you want us to bring anything else.’

I doubt they’ll expect you to be sober because they are. I usually buy some booze for the drinkers even if I’d rather not pay for it. I’d be pleased you saved me the hassle.

I can't understand why your DH is worried about this UNLESS your DS doesn't like his father's drinking. That could be reasonable or unreasonable, depending on how your DH behaves.

But the norm would be drinkers either take their own or are catered for. Not requested to not drink.

There shouldn't be angst. The fact there is angst is what makes it seem there is a problem.

Alcohol use disorder.

Alcohol dependence means you literally cannot go sober or you could have seizures and other physical reactions to being without alcohol because your body has become physically dependent.

It is really sad and shocking that so many would turn down an invite to their dcs for Christmas if they couldn’t drink! 😳 Surely you can manage a few hours and then if you really must then have a drink when you get home? It’s a sign of alcohol dependence if you can’t manage that - I say that as an ex alcoholic myself and my Gran, Mum and Dad were all alcoholics.

If I was going to someone’s house for Christmas where I knew they didn’t drink I wouldn’t dream of bringing alcohol with me.

Alcohol charities, the NHS, mental health organisations.

Link?

Thank you (genuinely)

What about vegetarians hosting christmas

OP, please just bring your own grog. The thread is turning into a virtual version of AA and an alcohol counselling session.

From the experts of course. As always.

Same thing - I wouldn’t bring meat to a vegetarians house.

I'm not contractually obliged to convince you