Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

I think you’d be totally fine to take some alcohol in this scenario.

I have a friend who doesn’t drink but she gets some wine and beers in if she’s hosting a bunch of us. I’d probably drink less than usual if the hosts weren’t drinking but enjoying a few nice drinks on Christmas Day doesn’t sound like it would be an issue.

Sorry, he’ll be bored if he can’t have an alcoholic drink?

Not asking in case they say no is not on at all.

What's he going to do if you're told on arrival that you can't bring it in, have a row on the doorstep on Christmas day?! How is that better than asking politely beforehand?!

I'd probably message your son and say 'Dad and I were talking about Christmas, he'd like to bring some beer/wine/whatever is that ok? Do you want us to get some posh soft drinks too for you and Sally?'

For heaven’s sake, I think the very deep cultural traditions of Christmas Day are pretty significant here. Raising a glass of good cheer, and all that. Even nodding off briefly during The Speech or watching a sentimental old film.

It’s not about getting pissed per se, and getting sloppy drunk is not the vibe at all, but it’s definitely woven into the whole cloth we grow up with that the festive spirit allows for some jollification licence which isn’t necessarily present the rest of the year.
(My normally very teetotal 19th century grandmother would always have a glass of whiskey, and even a cigarette, on Christmas Day but woe betide anyone offering her a glass on St Stephen’s Day!)

It’s not just coming over for lunch, or supper, is it? Christmas Day is literally a festival day, whatever tradition you are from be it culturally Christian-based (atheist or not) or even neo-Pagan, and eat, drink, and be merry is allowable this one day, surely? (Obviously, this is assuming the household being booze-free is not addiction related)

I'd definitely be taking drinks. Although if they are good hosts they should at least supply wine with the meal etc.

Definitely speak to them first, but assuming he isn’t a difficult drunk and it would genuinely be just a few drinks I think it would probably be okay.

Although if he needs a few drinks to avoid being “bored” during a family christmas that’s not a great start!

I’d take a mix of fizz, Prosecco and no-secco and some beers and zero alcohol beers too, and perhaps ask what their preference of those is? As they’re health conscious I’d also take some chocs as well as some healthier snacks like dried fruit and nuts.

Surely if he’s your son then you can just ask him? It’s hardly the territory of a slightly awkward social situation when you don’t really know the couple or the culture or something. Just speak to them!

I no longer drink, but I always have wine/ Gs&T/ beers, etc. on offer if people come for dinner or a something. Unless alcohol is something someone doesn’t want to be or can’t be around, then abstinence is rarely something that is imposed on guests. Even many recovering alcoholics I know don’t have issues being around alcohol in a dinner type setting.

I think its a shame that your husband will be bored spending time with his family if he has to do it sober

Agree with everyone, just ask. Assuming there's no reason they'd be upset by being around alcohol, which I'm sure you'd have recognised before now if there was.

"can't cope" and "being bored" are two completely different things though. I find it weird when non-drinkers like you and others on this thread completely misinterpret 'X is fine without drinking but having the odd drink while doing it makes it even better,' as 'I literally cannot do X without a drink.'

Sometimes sitting around all day is boring. Being with family doesn't automatically mean an amazing time.

You don't know what the family dynamics are like or what day they have planned. A big family Christmas with kids running around excited, a mix of good conversationalists and funny family members, with plans to play games or go for a nice walk or carol service or watch the christmas swim or whatever, then I can sort of see your point that nobody should need to drink to enjoy themselves (but there's also nothing wrong with thinking a drink or two would help them enjoy themselves more).

If the plan is to eat lunch then sit around watching TV for the rest of the day, with the only conversation is the son and gf yawning on about their gym routines then it's fair enough he would find that boring and easier to get through with a drink in hand. It doesn't mean he literally could not cope without it if he had to, but given he doesn't have to (as there's no reason he can't drink) why should he?

Why would your DH be bored without a drink?

If the plan is to eat lunch then sit around watching TV for the rest of the day, with the only conversation is the son and gf yawning on about their gym routines then it's fair enough he would find that boring and easier to get through with a drink in hand.
Who said anything about 'the son and gf yawning on about their gym routines'? And I don't understand why a dull day would be any easier with an alcoholic drink.

It depends on why they don't drink I think.

We have friends who don't drink but it is simply a personal/health choice and they have no issue with other people drinking. Invitations to their house come with a "please bring whatever you would like to drink" and they have also offered a glass of wine on occasion if they've had a bottle from somewhere that they didn't want but had felt rude rejecting.

Other friends and family who either don't drink or drink very little have a similar view. What other people choose to do doesn't bother them. Obviously getting steaming drunk is very different to a beer or two or some wine with a meal.

If our hosts were not drinking because they were recovering alcoholics or struggling with their relationship with alcohol then I wouldn't drink around them or ask.

Since he's your son I would just ask!

Not everyone is sparkling company....

If the family dynamics affect someone to the extent they need a drink, that's a bigger issue.

The OP was the person who said the DH would be 'bored' without a drink.

Surely they would allow you to drink. I just wouldn't go if I had to stay teetotal

But no more so on Christmas Day than any other given it's his immediate family only. Why does a drink help on this day specifically ?

If you have to drink alcohol to cope with the day, the format of the day needs changing.

I see the alcohol police and the lecturing holier than thous have joined the thread.

So good of them, we wouldn't survive without you. 😊

Because he is a grown up so he can have a drink on Christmas day if he wants to.

That's still making an assumption. I would check, discreetly, with your son whether it's OK to bring something along.

Several of my friends don't drink, some are fine with alcohol being around, some not. Some don't like it because of the smell, some due to earlier issues (in their mid-late teens), and others don't like explaining why (and so I respect that). It's always best to check.

Honestly, if a host has rules for guests like no alcohol (unless there are addiction/allergy issues), then they'd be better off not hosting at all. Who wants rules and regs on Christmas Day in a loved one's house FGS.

I'm not much of a drinker, but I do understand what I think op's trying to say. He'll be fed up if he can't do what he likes to do at Christmas, and then resentment sets in. So not boredom in the sense that drink is the only thing that interests him, but a sort of apathy/lack of enthusiasm overall if his preferences aren't considered.

I think if this is the reason it’s likely to be fine, but he should ask them first.

It is a bit weird not to be able to enjoy the day without a drink, even if drinking is his preference.

I’ve had Christmases without a drink when pregnant or of a bit under the weather or driving - or any number of reasons - and it’s still a nice day

Yes of course he can. No one suggests he can't.

But 'I want a drink' is very different to 'I will be bored without a drink'.